The Sunday Memory Drawer - Happy Hallow...Meh

 

Regular readers will remember that I wrote this in previous Octobers.

I hate Halloween. 

Always have.

Always will.

I hated the notion of picking out a costume when I was a kid.   I hated dressed up for adult costume parties.  Thank goodness nobody throws those damn things anymore.   Or maybe they do and I'm just not invited.

I don't care.  

I guess I am just one rotting pumpkin. 

If you want to know all my horror stories about trick or treating and the like, do a search of some past Sunday Memory Drawers.  It's all there in blood curdling detail.

But, there is one part of the annual festivities that I enjoy.   It's the scary movies that turn up on TV.   That takes me back to Saturday nights long ago.

For Chiller Theater and you see the opening above.  Every Saturday night on WPIX, they would run one of them.   For a while, they were hosted by this guy. 

Zacherley was this NY radio deejay who got an extra gig on the weekends, doing intros for some cheesy horror movie that might have played in the local drive-in circa 1955.  He'd welcome us all every Saturday night.

"Hello, boys and ghouls."

He was creepy as all hell but this pre-teen loved it all.  The problem in my house is that both TV sets, both my parents and my grandparents, were tuned to Lawrence Welk and his bubbles.  I'd have to wait patiently so I could flip some set over to Chiller Theater.  If I did that downstairs, my grandmother was no fan.

"Oh, this is too spooky for me.  I go to bed."

Even better.   That left me alone in my glory with the likes of Mothra, Gorgo, or the wife and/or daughter of some monster.  

For some mystical reason, one of my favorite Chiller Theater movies was this mess called "Frankenstein's Daughter" that was made for about six dollars in 1958.   You'll notice the name of John Ashley, who was the actor who played the hero in this piece.   Well, years later, when my writing partner and I had become friends with the late actress Deborah Walley, she happened to drop his name into the conversation since Ashley had been once married to her.   I immediately blurted out.

Frankenstein's Daughter!

It was a gut, knee-jerk reaction that got me one, make that two, quizzical looks at the luncheon table.  The actor had gone on to perform in and produce dozens of other movies.   But it was this thing that had stayed with me for life.

I could be a strange kid and apparently a strange adult as well.

The best part of Halloween for me was that, at some point during late October, WOR Channel 9 in New York would get around to showing this.  My very favorite Abbott and Costello comedy of all time.

It was another one of those movies that popped up on WOR's Million Dollar Movie all the time and I would be glued to the freakin' TV for the whole week. Bud and Lou in a haunted house. Enough said. But, almost miraculously, the film gets stolen by their co-star Joan Davis, who had such wonderful chemistry with Lou that it's a shame they didn't team up permanently. The dance number they do in the kitchen as they slosh through some rain puddles is absolutely brilliant.  To quote Lou in this movie...

"If you see a pair of pants flying through the air, don't grab 'em.  I'll be in 'em."

I outgrew most of this horror picture stuff as I got older.   But, later on, one movie took hold of everybody's attention and didn't let go.

We had heard all the stories.    Heads turning.   Vomit spewing out all over the place.   And movie patrons getting sick in their seats and literally running up the aisles to safety.

You just needed to be part of that.   The movie was barely open a week when a contingent of my friends ran downtown to the one theater where it was playing.

The line was two blocks long.

We stood in it for an hour.

In a driving snowstorm.

Wind chill temperatures of 10 degrees.

At one point, my friend and I looked at each other.   Our eyes asked the same question.  What the fuck were we doing here?  We left for the warmth of any place else.

I ultimately didn't see "The Exorcist" until it came to Mount Vernon, New York six months later.   In the middle of the summer.   And an air-conditioned theater.  It was still as effective and I was nice and comfortable in my seat.

I can tick off some other horror movies that have captured my fancy.

"The Birds."

"Psycho."

"The Omen."

At some point every few years, I do revisit all of the above via my DVR.

And, yes, I do own a copy of "Frankenstein's Daughter."

Dinner last night:  Sausage pizza from Maria's.

Classic Musical Comedy Production Number of the Month - October 2021

Woo hoo!  A five Saturday month means we get to enjoy a classic number from a musical comedy.   My favorite Sondheim musical is "Company."   I've seen it a bunch of times.  The best version is probably this taped rendition at the City Center.

And my favorite number in "Company" is this one.   Done wonderfully in the City Center edition by Katie Finneran.

Dinner last night:  Grilled gruyere cheese sandwich from Clementine's.

Your Last Minute Halloween Costume Idea

 

Dinner last night:  Tomato soup.

Hollywood Then and Now - October 2021

After much COVID delay, the Motion Picture Academy finally opened their long awaited museum.  As a member, I got to see a sneak preview and I am sure I will be visiting there a lot for exhibits and screenings.   Here's how it looks today.

And historians will remember that the new Museum used to be the fabled May Company department story.   Here it is back in 1954.

Kudos to those who kept the original look of the building the same.

Dinner last night:  Spaghetti and meat balls at Fabiolus Cucina.

This Date in History - October 27

 

A great day in my life.  Yep, I was there for the Mets' Game 7 World Series win in 1986.  And then there was...

312:  CONSTANTINE THE GREAT IS SAID TO HAVE RECEIVED HIS FAMOUS VISION OF THE CROSS.

From the very first Lenscrafters franchise.

1275:  TRADITIONAL FOUNDING OF THE CITY OF AMSTERDAM.

Traditional?  Once you found a city, I think it's a one-time-only deal. 

1553:  CONDEMNED AS A HERETIC, MICHAEL SERVETUS IS BURNED AT THE STAKE JUST OUTSIDE GENEVA.

I have no idea who Michael Servetus is.  Except that he probably was a heretic.

1682: PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA IS FOUNDED.

And, unlike the dopes in Amsterdam, they only did it once.  I am now anxiously awaiting the day when Philadelphia and the idiot fans that reside there are unfounded.

1795:  THE UNITED STATES AND SPAIN SIGN THE TREATY OF MADRID, WHICH ESTABLISHES THE BOUNDARIES BETWEEN SPANISH COLONIES AND THE US.

As if anybody is still paying attention to them.

1806:  THE FRENCH ARMY ENTERS BERLIN.

So when Germany entered Paris years later, this was payback time?

1838:  MISSOURI GOVERNOR LILBURN BOGGS ISSUES THE EXTERMINATION ORDER, WHICH ORDERS ALL MORMONS TO LEAVE THE STATE OR BE EXTERMINATED.

Well, obviously, they chose the former.  Because I know where they all wound up.

1858:  FUTURE PRESIDENT TEDDY ROOSEVELT IS BORN.

First word uttered:  Charge!

1904:  THE FIRST NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY LINE OPENS.

And the last time it was on time.

1920:  ACTRESS NANETTE FABRAY IS BORN.

Noting this only because a friend of mine knew her.

1922:  BASEBALL PLAYER/ANNOUNCER RALPH KINER IS BORN.

I wonder if they have Snitsumishi TVs in Heaven.

1936:  MRS. WALLIS SIMPSON FILES FOR DIVORCE WHICH WOULD EVENTUALLY ALLOW HER TO MARRY KING EDWARD VIII OF THE UNITED KINGDOM, THUS FORCING HIS ABDICATION FROM THE THRONE.

Did you ever get a good look at King Edward?  Yeech.  Makes you wonder just how ugly Mr. Simpson was.

1941:  AUTO RACER DICK TRICKLE IS BORN.

I'm only writing this because the name is funny.

1954:  BENJAMIN O DAVIS JR BECOMES THE FIRST AFRICAN-AMERICAN GENERAL IN THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE.

Although the news headline at the time probably called him "the first Negro general in the United States Air Force."

1967:  CATHOLIC PRIEST PHILIP BERRIGAN AND OTHERS OF THE BALTIMORE FOUR PROTEST THE VIETNAM WAR BY POURING BLOOD ON SELECTIVE SERVICE RECORDS.

If it's not government paper desecration, it's small boys in robes.

1986:  THE METS WIN THE WORLD SERIES.

If you don't remember this, you might want to look into those short term memory issues.

1990:  BANDLEADER XAVIER CUGAT DIES.

And another chihuahua is homeless.

1996:  COMEDIAN MOREY AMSTERDAM DIES.

But I wanna tell you...

2004:  THE BOSTON RED SOX WIN THE WORLD SERIES FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 86 YEARS.

Well, they could have won it in 1986....but, choke, Choke, CHOKE!!!!!!

Dinner last night:  Leftover beef stew.

Supply Chain-itis

 

As I have been on the road, I haven't done a lot of grocery shopping lately.   But, I ventured to the local supermarket over the weekend and was shocked at what I saw.

Yes, it is true.   The shelves are emptying.  And the prices are going up.

First stop of awareness for yours truly?  The produce section.   You know those little plastic bags you put your beans in?   Gone.   

Second stop of awareness for yours truly?   The meat department.   Where two packages of stewing beef are now twice what they used to cost.   The same for chicken.   I can only imagine what Thanksgiving turkeys will be priced at.   You might want to stock up on your holiday ramen noodles now.  Oh, wait, those shelves were empty, too.

Before you start blaming Biden or Trump for these problems, please look in the mirror.   We are the ones who are accepting mediocrity for our government leaders.  For the past forty years, we have ignored capability and let it be replaced by marketing plans.   So what if the Transportation Secretary, the infamous Mayor Pete, has no experience in that area especially since he couldn't fix the pot holes in his home city of South Bend?   He's gay and he's a father and we should be proud that he just took the full complement of paternity leave during a major crisis.

This is the kind of leaders we now accept and even embrace.  And we have done so for about four decades now.

Woe is us.

No better example of this came with that dopey CNN Town Hall  lunkhead Anderson Cooper conducted with the President last week.   With all the burgeoning issues confronting this nation right now, the Town Hall addressed none of that, thanks to Cooper's kindergarten-level questions.   Jeez, I know Anderson is used to have somebody's dick in his mouth, but he really should draw the line at the POTUS.   

I still don't know how anybody could have watched Biden's performance and not be enraged, whether you voted for him or not.

We're in trouble, folks.   

Dinner last night:  Leftover Chinese pork.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - October 25, 2021

 If you're still stuck for a Halloween prank....why not get a rat?

Dinner last night:  SPO.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Mouse in the House

 

Everybody remember Sniffles the Mouse?  A very popular Warner Brothers cartoon character and one of my favorites.  I love the cartoon where he tries to stay up and wait for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.

Sniffles was adorable.  Not so much the mouse that lived in our house when I was a kid.  Don't jump the gun here.  My family home was not infested with vermin.  We were actually pretty clean, almost Felix Unger-like.  But, one autumn, a mouse came into our residence.  Likely to get out of the oncoming cold weather.  And, for almost three years, this little creature drove us crazy.

It all started very quietly.  My mother went over to our pantry closet to get a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.  The corner of the box had little holes in it.  Tiny teeth marks.  Just the sight of this made her scream, drop the box onto the floor, and take to the bed.

I'm not going to have macaroni and cheese tonight.

"No, WE'VE GOT A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE."

Oh.

While my mother was ready to set fire to the entire building, everybody else took a passive approach.  Always the way my father handled everything.  Slowly and systematically.

"He'll go away on his own."

He?  Are you sure, Dad?  How do you know it's not a girl mouse?

"Don't ask stupid questions."

Oh.

This gnawing problem went on for several days.  Spaghetti boxes.  Cereal packets.  Cookie bags. 

So, Mom, the mouse is smart enough not to try his teeth on a can of peas.

"Go ask your father."

Dad.

"Don't ask stupid questions."

My father did finally pick up the gauntlet and begin the attack on the ravenous little creature, who I envisioned was going to have to embark on a low-fat diet very soon.  Just like in the cartoons I was watching every afternoon, a trap was set with some cheese. 

By the next morning, the trap was still there.  The cheese was gone.  Not only was this mouse an overeater, he also understands the dynamics of basic machine operation.  Another trap was set.  The cheese disappeared again.

Given the way he was eluding capture, the mouse must have started to feel pretty darn sure of himself.  He started to make personal appearances out in public.  The first time was a command performance for my beagle Tuffy.

Luckily, my mother was not home as this experience would have sent her to a hotel for a week.  I had walked into the kitchen for a snack.  There, smack in the middle of the kitchen linoleum was the rodent.  In a staredown with my dog. 

Neither moved for what seemed to be an eternity, but probably was no more than ten seconds.  They locked in a mortal gaze.  Tuffy finally growled.  The mouse quickly scurried off.  Tuffy, hero dog that she was, scampered off as well.  In the opposite direction.  The entire scenario had scared her enough that she retreated to her sleeping box and buried her head under her blanket.

Now, since the mouse had free passage all over the wooden inner frame of our two-story house, it was inevitable that he would start to branch out.  And, the very next day, Sunday afternoon quiet time was interrupted by a shout in German from downstairs.

Grandma.

I didn't understand the first words she yelled.  But the rest was plainly in English.

"GET OUT OF HERE, YOU STUPID, GODDAMN THING!"

I ran downstairs to find Grandma in her kitchen waving a broom around the floor.  There was nothing there.  But, for a brief moment, the mouse had taken a bow in front of my grandmother's pantry. 

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT SONOFABITCH!"

She never got the chance to. 

The drama lasted one more week.  For a few days, there was nothing.  The next mouse trap with cheese had gone untouched and uneaten.  There were no more sightings either in front of Tuffy or Grandma.  Perhaps the rodent had packed his bags and headed off to a fat farm.  Or perhaps got lost somewhere in the woodwork. 

All was calm the next Sunday morning as my father was making raisin toast.  He dropped two slices of bread into the appliance.  Suddenly, smoke seeped out of the opening.  And there was a distinct aroma of burning fur.

Yep.

Looking for the big Kahuna of crumbs, the mouse had somehow slipped into our toaster.  And did a wonderful impersonation of Bruno Hauptmann.

My dad unplugged the toaster and took it away to wherever you take appliances that have electrocuted mice. 

Two days later, I noticed the toaster was back in its place.  I thought it was the same one.  Nah, couldn't be.  Likely, my father had gone out to buy the exact same model.  But, still, the very next Sunday, it was time again for raisin toast and I had to ask.

Is that...?

"You ask too many stupid questions."

I don't want to think about it.

Dinner last night:  BBQ Pork and Szechwan green beans from Chin Chin.

Classic Movie Trailer of the Month - October 2021

 Sixty years old this month.   Yikes.

Dinner last night:  Jersey Mike's sub.

Your Weekend Movie Guide for October 2021

 

Ah, those were the days.   Radio City Music Hall.  A great movie and a stage show.  When you actually had to leave your home to be entertained.

These days, you can choose to see the movie in the theater while wearing a mask.  Or simply never get off your couch and watch it on some streaming service which will lull you into a fitful nap within 15 minutes.

You know the drill, gang.   I'll sift through the LA Times Movie Guide and give you my gut reaction to what's playing in the theaters.

And more than likely on your TV.   

No Time To Die:   The latest 007 caper.  This was the very first casualty of the pandemic as it was supposed to open in March 2020.   They finally put it out two weeks ago.   And, just for the record, Daniel Craig is not my favorite Bond.

Tom Petty, Somewhere You Feel Free:  Let me guess who this is about.

The Last Duel:  14th Century France with Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Adam Driver and Not Me.

Bergman Island:  A bunch of filmmakers investigate an island where Ingmar Bergman lived.   Now if they were researching Ingrid...

Venom - Let There Be Carnage:   Otherwise known as Congress.

The Rescue:  Boys stuck in a cave in Thailand.   Which is redundant.

Lamb:  A childless couple in Iceland find something alarming in their barn.   I wonder if the woman's name is Mary.

Titane:  A metal highly resistant to heat and corrosion.  I'm not kidding.  That's the logline for the movie.

Mass:  Years after an unspeakable tragedy tore their lives apart, two sets of parents agree to talk privately in an attempt to move forward.  Stifling the biggest yawn ever.

I'm Your Man:  A woman and her robot.   I wonder if it's made of Titane.

The French Dispatch:  Wes Anderson captures on film the final issue of this magazine.   When was the last time you read any magazine?   Doctor's office doesn't count.

Dune:   This is a reboot of a movie I never saw the first time.

Halloween Kills:  Jamie Lee Curtis' annual paycheck.

The Addams Family 2:  Not live action.  And, for the record, I always preferred The Munsters.

Dinner last night:  Chili dog at the Dodger game.

Len's Recipe of the Month - October 2021

 

Here's another super easy recipe from my new addiction, the Sip and Feast website.   And it takes under 60 minutes.   

Folks, meet Chicken Medallions with tomatoes, capers, and roasted red peppers.

Get a skillet or a dutch oven hot with some EVO.

You'll want to do some prep first.

Chop up some fresh parsley.  Put aside.

Take a pint of cherry tomatoes.   Half 1/2 of them.  That sounds redundant but you know what I mean.  Keep the other half whole.  Put aside.

Mince three cloves of garlic.  Put aside.

Chop up the contents of an 8 ounce jar of roasted red peppers.  Put aside.

Use 1 to 1 1/2 pounds of chicken breast fillets.   Cut them in halves and quarters.  Then do the pounding thing with a mallet.   Then salt and pepper them liberally.  After a few minutes, pat them dry with a paper towel.

Saute the chicken in the EVO until brown on both sides.   You may have to do this in batches.   Put the chicken aside with tin foil on top to keep it warm.

Add a little more EVO to the pan or pot.   Add the garlic and saute for a minute or so.  Make sure you don't burn it.

Add the tomatoes and let them cook for about five minutes.

Add a small jar of capers.   Include the juice.  Or add a shot glass of white vinegar.

Add a 1/2 cup of water.

Add the roasted peppers.

Let that all come together for another five minutes.

Add back the chicken.   And let that all come together for another five minutes.

Top with the chopped parsley.

You're done.

And you won't be putting anything else aside because most of the food will be gone.

Dinner last night:  Dodger Dog at the game.

This Date in History - October 20

 

Mickey Mantle today? Why? Pay attention....

460: AELIA EUDOCIA, BYZANTINE EMPRESS, DIES.

Okay, all together now. One-two-three...WHO??????

1620: DUTCH PAINTER AELBERT CUYP IS BORN.

His birth date got shortchanged, since all the newspapers were busy covering the Pilgrims' move to America.

1781: PATENT OF TOLERATION, PROVIDING LIMITED FREEDOM OF WORSHIP, IS APPROVED IN HABSBURG MONARCHY.

So, you Muslims looking to build a mosque, Habsburg might be your spot.

1803:  THE UNITED STATES SENATE RATIFIES THE LOUISIANA PURCHASE.

Lucky us, we got stuck with those assholes and broken levees in New Orleans.  Customer Service, please...

1882:  BELA "DRACULA" LUGOSI IS BORN.

Something we can really get our teeth into.

1883:  PERU AND CHILE SIGNED THE TREATY OF ANCON, BY WHICH THE TARAPACA PROVINCE IS CEDED TO THE LATTER, BRINGING AN END TO PERU'S INVOLVEMENT IN THE WAR OF THE PACIFIC.

News to me.  I guess Tom Hanks hasn't gotten around to this one yet.

1907:  ARLENE FRANCIS IS BORN.

I'm stuck.  What's my line here?

1910:  YANKEE PUBLIC ADDRESS ANNOUNCER BOB SHEPPARD IS BORN.

Birth announcements...are now available...from Stadium vendors.

1931:  MICKEY MANTLE IS BORN.

The same day as Bob Sheppard.  Is this a neat blog entry or what?

1935:  THE LONG MARCH ENDS.

It's October.  Doesn't April come after March?  Yeah, you might have a better joke for this, but I'm the one with the blog site.

1941:  DURING WORLD WAR TWO, THOUSANDS OF CIVILIANS IN KRAGUJEVAC IN GERMAN-OCCUPIED SERBIA ARE KILLED IN THE KRAGUJEVAC MASSACRE.

Well, what else would you call a massacre of thousands of people in Kragujevac?  Sometimes, historical facts can be so obvious.

1944:  GENERAL DOUGLAS MACARTHUR FULFILLS HIS PROMISE TO RETURN TO THE PHILIPPINES WHEN HE COMMANDS AN ALLIED ASSAULT ON THE ISLANDS, RECLAIMING THEM FROM THE JAPANESE.

Give him credit for showing up again.  Who the hell wants to see the Philippines twice in one lifetime??

1947:  THE HOUSE UN-AMERICAN ACTIVITIES COMMITTEE BEGINS ITS INVESTIGATION INTO THE COMMUNIST INFILTRATION OF HOLLYWOOD.

And I'm all for another housecleaning out here, as long as it helps us get rid of the Kardashians.

1968:  JACQUELINE KENNEDY MARRIES ARISTOTLE ONASSIS.

Boy, did she sell short or what?  The guy looked like a baboon.  I guess this is what happens when a woman skips her eye doctor appointments for a couple of years.

1973:  IN THE SATURDAY NIGHT MASSACRE, PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON FIRES US ATTORNEY GENERAL ELLIOT RICHARDSON AND DEPUTY ATTORNEY GENERAL WILLIAM RUCKELSHAUS AFTER THEY REFUSE TO FIRE WATERGATE SPECIAL PROSECUTOR ARCHIBALD COX.

And they didn't even live in Kragujevac.

1977:  A PLANE CARRYING LYNYRD SKYNYRD CRASHES IN MISSISSIPPI.

Nbdy srvvd.

1979:  THE JOHN F. KENNEDY LIBRARY OPENS IN BOSTON.

With about 100 or so copies of "Profiles in Courage" no doubt.

2006:  ACTRESS JANE WYATT DIES.

Mother Lasted Best.

2014:  DESIGNER OSCAR DE LA RENTA DIES.

As opposed to Oscar De La Buyer.

2020:  MAGICIAN JAMES RANDI DIES.

Now that's a disappearing act.

Dinner last night:  Leftover chicken.

Big Fat Payload

 

Everybody was talking about it last week.

I wasn't.  Who the fuck cares??

Yep, Amazon head honcho Jeff Bezos took another Six Flags ride into outer space and this time he took Star Trek's William Shatner with him.

Sadly, it was a round trip.   

Does anybody really give a damn about this?   He's the first actor into space.  Or the first ham.  Take your pick.   Shatner cried upon return.   I cried because he did.   I was never a Star Trekkie.   And I definitely was never a fan of bad acting.

This is the new toy for the Amazon guru and I can't think of a bigger waste of money than having regular citizens pays $250,000 for an 11-minute voyage into space.   And the three minutes of weightlessness.   And when you think about Shatner and his fat ass, that's an awful lot of weightlessness.

It's not like these idiots are doing this to research space travel or anything remotely useful.   They are just filling their bucket-size egos and there's nobody with a bigger opinion of himself than Jeff Bezos who is the one person in the world to benefit financially the most from the recent pandemic.  I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if Bezos is the one who had the Chinese virus leaked in the first place.

And yes, I did call it the Chinese virus.  Last I heard, it didn't start in Coney Island.

Media was agog at all of this nonsense.   I was not.   And, again, I ask the question.

Why a round trip?

Dinner last night:  Leftover chicken, tomatoes, and capers.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - October 18, 2021

A true classic sitcom moment from "Everybody Loves Raymond."  I still miss that show.

Dinner last night:  Chicken

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Saluting "I Love Lucy" One More Time

 

Staring at a television.   That was me years ago.   And maybe every day since.   

And all throughout my life, the TV show I might be staring at is "I Love Lucy," which celebrated its seventy year anniversary this past Friday.   So, let's salute my favorite all time TV show one more time.

I thought it would be fun to count down my top 10 favorite "I Love Lucy" episodes of all time.   Enjoy.   Tell me which ones are yours.  Oddly enough, you will not find the birth of Little Ricky or the candy conveyor belt or Vitameatavegamin amongst them.  Sure, they're great, but everything I truly love comes during the later seasons which featured the most perfect comedy writing ever.   I focus more on the Hollywood trip, the European tour, and the year living in the suburbs.   Sheer brilliance.

# 10:  "The Great Train Robbery" filmed on October 6, 1955 and telecast on October 31, 1955.

The end of the Hollywood trip and the game is headed back to NY via train.   Lucy suspects the guy next door is a jewel thief.   And, of course, there is a cord you can pull to stop the train.   Hilarity as always from the always welcome Frank Nelson as the conductor.   And great slapstick as Fred and Ethel always seem to be in the dining car when the train screeches to a halt.   

Condnctor:  "Madam, did you stop this train by pulling this cord?"

Lucy:  "Well, I didn't do it by dragging my feet."

#9:  "Lucy Does the Tango" filmed on February 7, 1957 and telecast on March 11, 1957.

I love you've seen it.   Lucy is hiding eggs in her blouse.   Don't ask why.   Ricky wants to rehearse a tango.   Don't ask why.   Just delight in the longest single sustained laugh in television sitcom history.  65 seconds.   Time it. That's a long time with no dialogue.   And Lucy is remarkable milking every yolk out of the joke.   Vivian Vance, in the background, makes this scene work as you anticipate what is going to happen.   But, still, the predictable laugh is as organic and raucous as anything you will ever see.

Ricky:  "Ethel, are you carrying eggs, too?"

Cue Fred to smack Ethel on her ass with the back of a door.

#8:  "The Star Upstairs" filmed on March 3, 1955 and telecast on April 18, 1955.

Your classic Lucy stalks a celebrity plot as she tries to get a glimpse of Cornel Wilde in the hotel room upstairs.  Of course, she gets locked on his balcony and...well...tries to lower herself down a hotel hi-rise with a rope made of draperies.   Does that make sense?   It sure does to me.

In this episode, the work of Vivian Vance needs to be showcased, especially in the scene where she tries to divert Ricky's attention from the fact that Lucy is hanging outside the terrace.   She is absolutely masterful and, frankly, is the glue that holds this series together week after week.

Ricky:  "Where's Lucy?"

Ethel:   "Um, I don't know."

Ricky:   "Oh, she's probably hanging around the hotel someplace."

#7:  "Bon Voyage" filmed on December 1, 1955 and telecast on January 6, 1956.

Ricky's band is headed to a European tour on a luxury liner.   At this point in the series, the production values were as luxurious.   All the money showed up on screen.  And, for this episode where Lucy naturally misses the boat, they built this mock-up of a real deck on a honest-to-God luxury liner.   Everything, as per usual, was shot in front of a live audience and must have been astounding to watch.  

Lucy (to helicopter pilot who will dangle her on a cord over the boat): "Have you got enough gas to fly this thing all the way to Europe?  I've got a credit card. Money is no object."

#6:  "Lucy's Italian Movie" filmed on March 8, 1956 and telecast on April 16, 1956.

Oh, my Lord.   The fight in the grape vat between Lucy and the real Italian grape stomper is so real that it's scary/funny.   As I was told by the Lucy writers, the lady didn't speak English and got a little carried away wrestling Lucy to the bottom of the grape vat.   A truly marvelous moment in the series that again demonstrated the fact that this show needed to be shot in front of a live studio audience for that energy to be displayed on screen.   The only way to travel.

Ricky:  "Is she out there socking up luckle coller???"

#5:  "The Tour" filmed on April 14, 1955 and telecast on May 30, 1955.

This episode proves that all those crazy tour buses trolling Hollywood these days are not a new thing.  They existed back in 1955 and Lucy and Ethel rode one.   She sees a grapefruit hanging off Richard Widmark's backyard wall...and...well...   Indeed, the scene inside the tour bus is the most hilarious part of the script as Lucy gets into a verbal tussle with the bus driver.  There are some location shots used which just happened to be on the street near the backyard wall of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz' own home.  Hell, why not?

Ethel (to Fred on phone):  "I'm in Beverly Hills and Lucy's in an awful jam. Never mind, 'what else is new?'"

#4:  Lucy Visits Grauman's" filmed on September 9, 1955 and telecast on October 3, 1955.

It never fails.  Whenever I take visiting friends to the footprints at the Chinese Theater, there's always at least one tourist standing on John Wayne's footprints and announcing that "John Wayne's block is loose."   It's amazing that this is still happening sixty years after the episode was produced.   While the scene where they actually steal the cement is wonderful, the true comedy comes in the scene at the end when Lucy is trying to pretend she is asleep while her foot is encased in a block of cement.   In this one, Desi Arnaz shines through as he tries to lift the "sleeping" Lucy.

Ricky:  "You gaining weight or something???"

#3:  "Lucy and John Wayne" filmed on September 15, 1955 and telecast on October 10, 1955.

Unofficially this is an "I Love Lucy" two-parter and the huge story commands it as we deal with the aftermath of the footprint heist.   John Wayne appears to prevent Lucy and Ethel from going to jail and the scene where they meet him is perhaps one of the best written scenes ever.   They meet the star wearing...wait for it...pocketbooks on their heads.   It is impossible to replicate the comedy here.   It's screwball but yet it makes perfect sense.

Lucy (gushing over John Wayne):  "In 'The High and the Mighty,' when your engine went out, my engine went out right along with it.   That was real acting, boy."

# 2:  "Return Home From Europe" filmed on April 5, 1956 and telecast on May 14, 1956.

To be technical, this is the favorite "I Love Lucy" episode of my writing partner. There are so many terrific throwaway lines and gags here that you have to watch it ten or twelve times to get them all.   Of course, I've seen it over 100 times.  

Headed back from Europe, Lucy tries to bring back a 25-pound cheese for her mother by disguising it as a baby.   She didn't count on being stuck next to another mother with an infant.   Lucy perennial guest star Mary Jane Croft is great here as Lucy does her best with the pretend baby.   Later on, the episode features the always welcome Frank Nelson as the customs agent.   Again, there is such remarkable writing that we have never gotten since.   

Lucy: "Baby?  Oh, that wasn't a baby.  (whispering)  It was a piece of cheese."

# 1:  "LA At Last" filmed on December 2, 1954 and telecast on February 7, 1955.

This is perfection and the one episode that made me wish I had written it.  Indeed, Bob Carroll Jr. and Madelyn Pugh did and it is a textbook for Advanced Placement Comedy Writing.

You are lucky for any sitcom to have one absolutely hilarious comedy scene. This one gives us two: the scene in the Brown Derby and, of course, the famous "putty nose" scene at the end.  This is the only "I Love Lucy" episode that was Emmy-nominated for comedy writing.   Sad to say, they never won.   Criminal!  I have probably seen this episode 150 times and I still find new things and nuances.   

Of course, Lucille Ball makes a big deal that the putty nose catching on fire was an accident.   I, however, was shown the actual script by Madelyn Pugh Davis.   Um, it's right there in the stage direction.   Whatever.  This is the Lucy episode that raises and sets the sun and the moon for me.

Ethel (talking about Ava Gardner):  "She's just people like you and me.

Fred:  "She may be people, but she's not like you and me."

Bravo to all those folks behind these episodes and the greatest sitcom ever produced.   And a special tip of the hat to the writers.   After all, they're the ones who make the comedy world go round.

Dinner last night:  Lots of snacks watching the Dodger game with good friends Connie and Leo.

Classic TV Theme Song of the Month - October 2021

Fifty years ago this month,  Shirley MacLaine actually had a half-hour TV series.  If you blinked, you missed it.

Dinner last night:  Italian sub from Jersey Mike's.

Today Should Be A Federal Holiday

Seventy years ago tonight, "I Love Lucy" debuted.

Yes, this should be a federal holiday.

Dinner last night:  Leftover jumbalaya.

Wait! What?!! - October 2021

 

Here's your trusty CDC-approved COVID-19 vaccination record card.  We all have them.

Well, not all of us.  But that's another story for another day.

So, these days, you need this card to do pretty much...well...anything in the major cities and states of this nation.   And if you live in a Democratic stronghold, you might as well wear this around your neck.   Or maybe you can have it stamped on your arm.  Oh, wait, somebody tried that during World War II.

In places like New York and Los Angeles, they now say you must show the card if you are doing anything that is not in your own house.  Eating out.  Going to a movie.   Drinking in a bar.   Enjoying an outdoor ball game.

These restrictions have just kicked in and I spent the very first week of it all in New York.   I dined out five times.   I went into stores.  I was all over the map.

Ask me how many times I was requested to show my vaccination card.

Yep, that would be zero.

But failure to do so would be a federal crime.    

Wait!  What?!!

I guess I am officially a fugitive on the run.

Dinner last night:  Beef sausage and Spanish rice.

This Date in History - October 13

 

 No fiddling around today, Nero.

54:  NERO ASCENDS TO THE ROMAN THRONE.

Because....

54:  ROMAN EMPEROR CLAUDIUS DIES.

I, Dead.

1362:  THE CHANCELLOR OF ENGLAND FOR THE FIRST TIME OPENED PARLIAMENT WITH A SPEECH IN ENGLISH.

Or was it a pack of Parliament he opened? 

1582:  BECAUSE OF THE IMPLEMENTATION OF THE GREGORIAN CALENDAR, THIS DAY DOES NOT EXIST IN ITALY, POLAND, PORTUGAL, AND SPAIN.

Didn't we report this last week?  What's with these people?  How fast do they want a year to go by?

1773:  THE WHIRLPOOL GALAXY IS DISCOVERED BY CHARLES MESSIER.

I'm not sure, but I don't think this is the same guy who played for the New York Rangers.

1792:  IN WASHINGTON DC, THE CORNERSTONE OF THE UNITED STATES EXECUTIVE MANSION (LATER KNOWN AS THE WHITE HOUSE) IS LAID.

And, right after that, the cornerstone had a cigarette.

1843:  IN NEW YORK CITY, HENRY JONES AND 11 OTHERS FOUND B'NAI B'RITH.

Jones?  Okay, that's a name change.

1845:  A MAJORITY OF VOTERS IN THE REPUBLIC OF TEXAS APPROVE A PROPOSED CONSTITUTION, THAT IF ACCEPTED BY THE US CONGRESS, WILL MAKE TEXAS A STATE.

Uh-huh.  And now they're trying to figure out how to become their own country.

1884:  GREENWICH, IN LONDON, ENGLAND, IS ESTABLISHED AS UNIVERSAL TIME.

And Fossil watches all over the world applaud in unison.

1917:  GEORGE OSMOND, PATRIARCH OF THE SINGING FAMILY, IS BORN.

You'll have to wait for the joke...

1917:  PUPPETEER BURR TILLSTROM IS BORN.

Oddly enough, Kukla was born two years earlier.

1943:  DURING WORLD WAR II, THE NEW GOVERNMENT OF ITALY SIDES WITH THE ALLIES AND DECLARES WAR ON GERMANY.

What took you so long? 

1959:  MARIE OSMOND IS BORN.

Same birthday as her papa.  Gee, those Mormons are a crafty lot.

1968:  ACTRESS BEA BENADERET DIES.

No more is she riding the little train that is coming down the track to the junction.

1974:  ED SULLIVAN DIES.

And, surprisingly, Topo Gigio survived for another five years.

1983:  AT & T (THEN AMERITECH) LAUNCHED THE FIRST US CELLULAR NETWORK IN CHICAGO, ILLINOIS.

I hope they're not expecting a thank you.

2012:  TV PERSONALITY GARY COLLINS DIES.

What comes after PM Magazine?

Dinner last night:  Fried chicken sandwich at the Dodger game.

Woke Up This Morning...

 

It's a rare occasion when I anxiously await the release of a movie.  I'm not one of those droids who runs on opening weekend to see the latest dribble from Marvel Studios.

But when it comes to David Chase and the Sopranos Saga...well, I can run faster than anybody else.

This prequel to the great HBO show has been discussed for years.   Indeed, fans of the program like me who were saddened by the untimely passing of James Gandolfini never thought they would see any more Sopranos stories either on TV or the big screen.  But creator David Chase figured out how to go there.  And did so with a flourish.

So, yes, this opened on October 1 and I was there October 2.   Despite the fact that the film is available on HBO Max, I took myself to a real movie theater to enjoy it in the grandest fashion possible.

If you are one of those lemmings who never watched the series (I literally have viewed all 60 plus episodes three times each), you might be lost watching "The Many Saints of Newark."  Heck, it took a while for me to figure out who was who at a younger stage in their lives.  But, once I got my bearings, the ride was glorious.

The story is told by latter day character Chris Moltisanti from the grave.   It takes us back to when his dad Dickie was a Newark crime boss back in the 1960s.  As a matter of fact, for a good deal of the film's first hour, the Soprano family is secondary to what is going on.  But eventually we meet young Tony, played by James Gandolfini's own son, and everything starts to come into place.

Besides meeting a young Tony, we see a younger version of virtually every character we met in the HBO show from his nasty Mom to his uncle Junior to his sister Janice to his mob henchmen to even...briefly...a young Carmella.  All of the casting is so spot on that you will nod with approval at each of their appearances.

Now, making a movie in 2021 requires a diversity aspect.  But Chase does it so seamlessly by introducing some Black characters against the backdrop of the 1967 Newark riots.  Indeed, they become integral players to the story.   

If there is one quibble, it's that you don't see enough of the grizzly relationship between Tony and his mother.   But, again, the quibble is a small one and it certainly doesn't detract your enjoyment of the film...especially for Sopranos fans.

The HBO series is set up perfectly in the closing scene and that slides right to the wonderful TV theme music.  That prompted me the next day to rewatch the pilot for a fourth time.   My biggest fear is that I will now start binging the show all over again.

If you're a fan, please check out "The Many Saints of Newark."

LEN'S RATING:  Four stars.

Dinner last night:  Flew all day so nothing really but airplane snacks.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - October 11, 2021

On this Friday, we celebrate the 70th anniversary of the premiere of "I Love Lucy."

So, naturally...let's spoon our way to health.

Dinner last night:   Leftover sausage and peppers.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Dental Trilogies Come in Threes

 

Screw you, Lord of the Rings.  Here's a real trilogy of life.  The third installment of my dental saga begins. 

As we left off last Sunday, my braces were off and my mouth was a shambles.  Food and plaque had dug down deep into my enamel.  I had gone through elementary and junior high school cavity-free.  That would not be the case with high school.  Open wide!  Here comes the novacaine.  In goes the drill.

My esteemed orthodontist, Dr. Arthur Ash Not The Tennis Player, conveniently had ties to a dentist down the hall at 10 Fiske Place in Mount Vernon.  I am guessing this was a lucrative trade-off whenever the renowned architect of bite retainers was done with his patients.  Let Dr. Paul Cipes deal with all the holes caused by the inability of kids to brush their teeth while impersonating a Buick LeSabre.  This might have been the kind of business deal hatched by the two devious doctors while sipping high balls at the Lake Isle Country Club.

My braceless mouth now had six cavities that needed immediate attention.  As I got off the elevator and headed down the hall to Dr. Cipes' office, the whirring of a drill was unmistakable.  I envisioned a big grin on his face and a set of new golf clubs in his car trunk. 

Dr. Cipes was a nice man.  He probably was younger than he looked, but nevertheless he was always dressed for his next golf match.  I got the impression that he was simply dealing with my teeth to kill time before his next foursome.  There were golf photos and paintings adorning all his walls.  Was he going to use a regular drill in my mouth?  Or would he be repairing my teeth with a couple of swings from his nine iron?

To this day, the nerves in my mouth take a lot of medication to get numb.  If I'm having work done, I need to get there at least an hour early to make sure all the knock-out juice is working.  So, back then, Dr. Cipes would inject me with novacaine and then leave me with a seven-month-0ld Golf Digest to read for the next hour.  In between other patients/victims, he'd periodically stick his head in my room.

"Are you numb yet?"

No.

"Okay, I'll be back.  Great article about Jack Nicklaus on page 35,"

Eventually, Dr. Cipes would get his turn on me and it always sounded more dreadful than it really was.  I was completely spooked by the sound of the drill.  Once Dr. Cipes realized that, he had a 75 watt light bulb of an idea.

He got a pair of headphones and let me listen to the music.

Sweet.  Except it wasn't exactly the Doobie Brothers.

It was WQXR, the classical station in New York.  Hardly calming for me, especially if it was the Overture to the War of 1812.

It took about six months of visits for Dr. Cipes to pour more cement into my mouth than was used to bury Jimmy Hoffa.  I got a free ride for a while.  Now that I could brush and floss to my heart's content, my trips to Dr. Cipes at the 10 Fiske Place Golf Course were relegated to two check-ups a year.    He'd be done in ten minutes.  Hardly even long enough to get a good conversation going about the Masters.

But, a year after college, I was jolted back into reality.  Well, actually, it was more like a sharp pain in one of my two front teeth.  And when it didn't go away for a couple of days, it was time to go back into the world of Sam Snead and dental probes.

"Did you bang this tooth?"

Er, no, but it's been sensitive to cold liquid for a while.

"You ever get hit in the mouth?"

Do you think I work for a union down at the docks?

The tooth was dying and Dr. Cipes wanted to know why.

"Ever fall and hit it on the floor?"

Come on, Dr. Cipes....no, wait....

You've read the story here before several times.  The time I fainted in Sunday School, fell forward, and they had to retrieve my bite plate from behind the altar.

Bingo!  We had a diagnosis.  And apparently a dead tooth that required a root canal.  I had no clue what that was.

"Well, I drill a hole, let some pressure and bacteria out of the tooth, and then I pull out the nerve."

He lost me at "well."

Headed to 10 Fiske Place on the fateful day, John Dillinger had more hope coming out of the Biograph Theater in Chicago.  There would be drilling and pulling and maybe some more drilling and a lot more pulling.  None of it sounded like the soft caress of a down pillow.  I should have called ahead and had Dr. Cipes order extra novacaine.  He couldn't possibly keep that much in his supply cabinet.

Root canals have become much easier for dentists do now.  I've had two on the West Coast and they barely raised an eyebrow for me.  But, back then, it was a big deal.  Except for the pesky and painful tooth, a plastic covering is overlayed unto some metal contraption which, in turn, was then placed around my head.  Did I have a bad tooth or was I suffering from whiplash?  I looked like the earliest incarnation of Hannibal Lechter.

"You want the headphones?"

I couldn't answer him.  A plastic wrapped cage around your skull will do that to you.  I grunted.  Amazingly, he took that as a yes.

Back then, dentists would use a tiny but red hot poker to clean out the tooth canal of any infection.  So, on the tray in front of my chest (it's not like I could see it) was a bunsen burner that allowed Dr. Cipes to heat up the little rods.  He also might have been using it for his lunch fondue.  Anyway, a strange aroma started to seep through the plastics and into my nasal passages.

I somehow garbled the question.

I smell smoke.

Dr. Cipes lifted up my headphones.

"What?"

I formed some non-words again.

I smell smoke.

Dr. Cipes lifted up my headphones again.

"What?"

How long does this Abbott and Costello routine need to go on?  More non-words.

I SMELL SMOKE!!!

"Oh."

I felt some commotion in front of me.  Heavy patting of my chest.  An air hose blowing across the front of my body.

What happened, Doctor?

"Your bib caught on fire."

Sure enough, it did.  I left that day with one nerveless tooth and a five inch wide burn mark on my polo shirt.

My subsequent visits to Dr. Cipes were less incendiary.  Pretty much, two check-ups a year for the next decade never found a thing wrong.  Ultimately, he chose to retire and my dental records were transferred to a new and younger dentist up the road. 

My first trip to Dr. Frank Leone would be a breeze.  Until he looked in my mouth...

"When was the last time you saw Dr. Cipes?"

It had been six months ago.

"Your mouth is full of cavities and broken fillings.  Didn't he see any of this?"

Probably not.  That's why you retire.  But I can be sure he didn't miss the eighteen holes out at Lake Isle Country Club.

Oddly, I happened to be in New York ten years ago when I was reading the Westchester newspaper and saw the obituary for Dr. Cipes.  He had made it to the age of 90.

Or, as he might like to say, three under par.

Dinner last night:  At a wedding reception in Long Beach, NY at the Allegria Hotel