This Date in History - August 31

 

Slim pickings on the birthday list today, so that's how Hideo Nomo winds up here.

12:  ROMAN EMPEROR CALIGULA IS BORN.

And so is venereal disease.

161:  ROMAN EMPEROR COMMODUS IS BORN.

And so is the toilet bowl.

1056:  BYZANTINE EMPRESS THEODORA BECOMES ILL, DYING SUDDENLY A FEW DAYS LATER WITHOUT CHILDREN TO SUCCEED THE THRONE, THUS ENDING THE MACEDONIAN DYNASTY.

A shame that a whole empire had to die because Theodora was too lazy to join "Byzantine Match.com."

1314:  KING HAKON V MAGNUSSON MOVES THE CAPITAL OF NORWAY FROM BERGEN TO OSLO.

Otherwise, it might have been Charlie McCarthy and Edgar Oslo.

1422:  KING HENRY V OF ENGLAND DIES OF DYSENTERY WHILE IN FRANCE.

You can catch a lot of unsanitary shit in Paris.

1422:  HENRY VI BECOMES KING OF ENGLAND AT THE AGE OF 9 MONTHS.

And you thought the leaders of our country were childish?

1654:  PHYSICIAN OLE WORM IS BORN.

The name alone warrants mention here.  That would be "Dr. Worm" to you.

1803:  LEWIS AND CLARK START THEIR EXPEDITION TO THE WEST BY LEAVING PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA AT 11 IN THE MORNING.

Lewis wanted an earlier start, but Clark insisted on the big breakfast special at Denny's.

1864:  DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, UNION FORCES LED BY GENERAL WILLIAM T. SHERMAN LAUNCH AN ASSAULT ON ATLANTA, GEORGIA.

Had this not happened, "Gone With The Wind" would have been a two-hour movie.

1888:  MARY ANN NICHOLS IS MURDERED.  SHE IS THE FIRST OF JACK THE RIPPER'S CONFIRMED VICTIMS.

Unfortunately, somebody had to be first.

1897:  THOMAS EDISON PATENTS THE KINETOSCOPE, THE FIRST MOVIE PROJECTOR.

After movies like "Thor" and "Transformers,"  I'm not sure we should congratulate him.

1903:  TV AND RADIO PERSONALITY ARTHUR GODFREY IS BORN.

Rat bastard.

1918: LYRICIST ALAN JAY LERNER IS BORN.

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the, well, plain.

 1920:  THE FIRST RADIO NEWS PROGRAM IS IS BROADCAST BY 8MK IN DETROIT, MICHIGAN.

Before this, I guess no news was, well, no news.

1924:  COMIC BUDDY HACKETT IS BORN.

The guy was a stitch, even though you couldn't understand a word he said.

1939:  NAZI GERMANY MOUNTS A STAGED ATTACK ON THE GLEIWITZ RADIO STATION, CREATING AN EXCUSE TO ATTACK POLAND THE FOLLOWING DAY, THUS STARTING WORLD WAR II IN EUROPE.

Just like WMCA-AM in the sixties, Hitler was playing "Name It and Claim It."  If you're from New York, you get that joke.  If not, I'm sure one of the next gags will appeal to you.

1945:  THE LIBERAL PARTY OF AUSTRALIA IS FOUNDED BY ROBERT MENZIES.

Just proving that not all the kooks live in California.

1948:  ACTOR ROBERT MITCHUM IS ARRESTED IN A HOLLYWOOD DRUG RAID.

This is years before he was on TV and apparently addicted to beef.

1957:  THE FEDERATION OF MALAYA (NOW MALAYSIA) GAINS A INDEPENDENCE FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM.

And England suffers a malaise.

1968:  PITCHER HIDEO NOMO IS BORN.

HIs greatest feat ever: pitching a no-hitter in Colorado during a rain storm.

1969:  BOXER ROCKY MARCIANO DIES.

Somebody up there really likes him now.

1973:  DIRECTOR JOHN FORD DIES.

Note to all: Watch his film "The Searchers" at least once in your life.

1979:  DANCER SALLY RAND DIES.

Sorry.  Not a fan.

1991:  KYRGYZSTAN DECLARES ITS INDEPENDENCE FROM THE SOVIET UNION.

Too bad you can't use names of countries in Scrabble.

1997:  DIANA, PRINCESS OF WALES, AND HER COMPANION DODI AL-FAYED DIE IN A CAR CRASH IN PARIS.

Ta ta.  Meanwhile, what kind of guy's name is "Dodi?"

2013:  TV HOST DAVID FROST DIES.

That was the life that was.

2014:  HOCKEY PLAYER CAROL VADNAIS DIES.

Sorry to hear of her passing.   Wait!  She was a guy???

2018:  ACTRESS CAROLE SHELLEY DIES.

One of the Pigeon Sisters in "The Odd Couple."

2020:  BASEBALL STAR TOM SEAVER DIES.

I am still in mourning.

2021:  ACTOR MICHAEL CONSTANTINE DIES.

Had he lasted a year later, it would have been 22 just like the name of his TV show.

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

Hollywood Then and Now - August 2022

Hollywood here is quite the catch all.   It's not just movies and television.   The Dodger baseball team is as much a part of this town as anything.   Celebrating its 60th year of existence is a good time to show what used to be at the site of the ballpark.

Indeed, there were homes.   And people.  And most of them were swept aside.  That's unfortunately what happens when you live in a big city.

Here you see Chavez Ravine...before.

And now?  With that sweeping view of the city.

I choose B.

Dinner last night:  Ribeye steak.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - August 29, 2022

The last beach bloopers until 2023. 

Dinner last night:  Hamburger.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - In A Manner of Speaking

 

Sometimes, there are no words.  Oh, sure, there are plenty of them in the dictionary shown above.  But, over the time of our lives, there are words connected together in ways unimaginable.  Phrases we grow up with that might not make any sense to somebody outside your world...or family.

I found myself caught with one such verbal conumdrum recently.  I was talking to a friend in New York.  It was the Friday before a summer weekend and, knowing that she owned a beachside condo in New Jersey, I asked her the same question I would ask her every week.

"Are you going down below this weekend?"

I'd done this for months.  Finally, she posed the question to me.

"Why do you always say 'going down below'?  I've never heard the expression before."

To me, it was obvious.  It's a phrase I always heard my father use.  When you went to New Jersey, you were "going down below."  Technically, he was right.  If Mount Vernon, New York is your focal point,  New Jersey on the map is below.

It's the same reason why my dad said we went "up" to White Plains, "over" to Connecticut, and "out" to Long Island.  If we were headed anyplace north of White Plains, we were "going up the line."  What line?  I don't know.  But, my father used the expression nonetheless.

These were so ingrained in me that I still use the expressions to this day.   Yes, I have become my parents.

There were other oddball expressions that were uttered fairly regularly.  For instance, when somebody in the family passed away, my dad's next question would be...

"Where are they going to be stretched out?"

Translation: what funeral parlor was handling the arrangements?

If somebody dropped dead suddenly...

"He got carried out feet first."

If things in the house got heated for whatever reason, my father would throw up his hands.

"I'll go lie down at Suchy's right now."

Translation: he might as well drop dead himself and head down to the funeral parlor that got all my family's business.

If I had a lot to say as I was relating some convoluted tale from school, my dad would get exasperated.

"Make a short story."

If the car in front of us was a little slow when the traffic light moved from the color red...

"That's the only shade of green they got this week."

And, of course, there was the quintessential insult that Dad would throw at any moron who happened to get in his path.

"Shit for brains." 

The milder version of this?

"You ain't got the brains that God gave geese."

All of the above still creep into my vocabulary to this day, as my father's legacy continues.

But, he did not hold the monopoly of bizarr-o phraseology.  Nope, I had other resources that got tapped as well.    Grandma, for instance.

Her pet phrase when things drove her crazy was...

"Hal Year-zus."

I never knew what that was.  Hal?  What did he have to do with anything going wrong in our house?  I knew who Hal Reniff was.  He pitched for the New York Yankees.  But, Hal Year-zus?

It took years before I realized that Hal Year-zus was a plea to Jesus in German.  Oh.  About a year ago, I uttered the same words as if I had a tic.  The person I was with at the time stared at me.  Who the hell is Hal Year-zus?

When Grandma was watching TV and listening to somebody butcher a song, it was always the same gripe.

"If I couldn't do any better than that, I wouldn't try."

I use that to this day.

If I was particularly messy, I would be called a "schlobberhans."    Girls who were equally as unkempt would be called "lopchooks."  The definition of either word?  It beats me.

And, of course, there was the ultimate Grandma retort.  And you got it if you simply asked her how she was feeling.

"With my fingers."

My mother didn't get into this silliness much, but I do remember a couple of  times where she and several of my aunts got themselves so enamored of a joke that they beat it to a pulp.    The script never varied.  They simply alternated the exchange.

"Are you Drew Pearson?"

"No, I still have a full bladder."

Neil Simon it wasn't.  But, trust me.  This little gag had them rolling on the floor at family holiday dinners. 

And then there was the time that they all fell in love with one word.

"Jedrool."

There was not a single sentence uttered that didn't include that stupid word.  As a noun.  As a verb.  As an adjective.

"Such a jedrool."

"Did you jedrool?"

"He looked so jedrool."

I once asked the question.  What the heck is a jedrool?  Back at me was another one of the pet phrases from my youth.

"You ask too many questions.  Don't be such a jedrool."

Dinner last night:  Hot dog at the Hollywood Bowl.

Classic Movie Trailer of the Month - August 2022

Forty years ago, this was wrapping up a big box office summer. They're here. 

Dinner last night:  BLT from Clementine's.

The Week of Anger, Part 3

Regular readers this week know already that it hasn't been easy being me lately.  And what's the last thing to set me off like a NASA rocket?

Well, you have to be deaf and dumb to not know we have an immigration problem in this country right now?   Immigrants, mostly illegal, crossing into this country as if they were cutting the lunch line at the school cafeteria.

And many of those making their US debut are drug dealers bringing in copious amounts of fentanyl.   

Well, what's this got to do avec moi?   My allergies were kicking in and I needed some Claritin D and Flonase.

The former cannot be purchased unless you show a valid driver's license.  The latter is being kept under lock and key.

Explain this.  ANYBODY???!!!

And so ends my pity party.  For now.

Dinner last night:  Sandwich.

The Week of Anger, Part 2

If you were here on Tuesday, you already know that this is one week that has featured numerous incidents that made me really mad.

Here's the next offense by the universe.

I am a long time user of Bose products.   Top notch audio quality.   I have the noise cancelling headphones.   The radio/CD player.  Two speakers attached to my desktop computer.

Now all of the above are about 15 years old so I can't quibble about longevity.  But, suddenly, the CD player stopped playing CDs.  And one of the desktop speakers sometimes feature an overly annoying bass sound, albeit infrequent.

My simple question that I wanted to address to the folks at Bose?  Do their products break down over time?

I called their customer service number which is still listed for Massachusetts.  Except I wound up in some third world phone tree.

"Garblegarblegarble."

I could barely hear them.   I asked them to raise their volume.

"GARBLEGARBLEGARBLE."

I hung up and called back looking for a better connection.  There wasn't one.

I see on-line that Bose cut a lot of employees during the pandemic.   Hmmm.  And apparently replaced them with folks on the other side of the world.   

With very bad audio.   And that's strangely ironic given that I am trying to contact one of the best in the business.

GRRRRRRRRRR!

Dinner last night:  Salad.

This Date in History - August 24

 

Happy birthday to Anne Archer.  When there are pictures like this, you get saluted here.

49 BC:  JULIUS CAESAR'S GENERAL GAIUS SCRIBONIUS CURIO IS DEFEATED IN THE SECOND BATTLE OF THE BAGRADAS RIVER BY THE NUMIDIANS UNDER PUBLIUS ATTIUS VARUS AND KING JUBA OF NUMIDA.

I look at that sentence and now I totally realize why I got a C+ in World History during the tenth grade.

79:  MOUNT VESUVIUS ERUPTS, BURYING CITIES AROUND IT IN VOLCANIC ASH.

Can you imagine the FEMA payouts that would come out of this mess?

410:  THE VISIGOTHS UNDER ALARIC BEGIN TO PILLAGE ROME.

Why?  Because they could.

1200:  KING JOHN OF ENGLAND, SIGNEE OF THE FIRST MAGNA CARTA, MARRIES ISABELLA OF ANGOULEME IN BORDEAUX CATHEDRAL.

And I had to work really, really hard to get that C+.

1215:  POPE INNOCENT III DECLARES MAGNA CARTA INVALID.

I'd love to see the headline if this Pope ever got convicted of a crime.  "Innocent Guilty."

1349:  SIX THOUSAND JEWS ARE KILLED IN MAINZ AFTER BEING BLAMED FOR THE BUBONIC PLAGUE.

Probably because George Bush wasn't around to take the fall.

1391:  JEWS ARE MASSACRED IN PALMA DE MALLORCA.

I see a pattern forming.

1456:  THE PRINTING OF THE GUTENBERG BIBLE IS COMPLETED.

Most people were waiting for the paperback.

1572:  ON THE ORDERS OF KING CHARLES IX OF FRANCE, A MASSACRE OF HUGUENOTS (FRENCH PROTESTANTS) BEGINS.

And a sigh of relief from all Jews in France.

1682:  WILLIAM PENN RECEIVES THE AREA THAT IS NOW THE STATE OF DELAWARE AND ADDS IT TO HIS COLONY OF PENNSYLVANIA.

I did get a B+ in American History during the eleventh grade, but I still didn't know anything about this.

1690:  CALCUTTA, INDIA IS FOUNDED.

Let the outsourcing begin!

1814:  BRITISH TROOPS INVADE WASHINGTON, DC AND BURN DOWN THE WHITE HOUSE AND SEVERAL OTHER BUILDINGS.

Can this happen again?  Fingers crossed...

1831:  CHARLES DARWIN IS ASKED TO TRAVEL ON HMS BEAGLE.

A very, very slow news day.

1891:  THOMAS EDISON PATENTS THE MOTION PICTURE CAMERA.

So let's blame him for the latest edition of Transformers.

1909:  WORKERS START POURING CONCRETE FOR THE PANANA CANAL.

The very first "shovel ready" project.

1912:  ALASKA BECOMES A UNITED STATES TERRITORY.

And people were impressed because, allegedly, you could see Russia from there.

1912:  TV PERSONALITY DURWOOD KIRBY IS BORN.

Smile, you're on Candid Camera.  I mention him only because I know one reader is laughing hysterically at this uber-inside joke.  The rest of you can simply continue on.

1917:  TV PERSONALITY DENNIS JAMES IS BORN.

In an odd connection, his name immediately conjures up images of people afflicted with cerebral palsy. 

1932:  AMELIA EARHART BECOMES THE FIRST WOMAN TO FLY ACROSS THE UNITED STATES NON-STOP.

And, since she was a greedy little bugger, she couldn't stop there.   I bet she learned her lesson.

1944:  DURING WORLD WAR II, ALLIED TROOPS BEGIN THE ATTACK ON PARIS.

Croissants for everybody!!!

1947:  ACTRESS ANNE ARCHER IS BORN.

Also the daughter of the late Marjorie Lord.

1950:  EDITH SAMPSON BECOMES THE FIRST BLACK US DELEGATE TO THE UNITED STATES.

Well, they've just cracked baseball.  Why not???

1960:  BASEBALL STAR CAL RIPKEN JR. IS BORN.

Unlike his baseball stats, his consecutive days alive streak is still intact.

1967:  LED BY ABBIE HOFFMAN, A GROUP OF HIPPIES TEMPORARILY DISRUPT TRADING AT THE NYSE BY THROWING DOLLAR BILLS FROM THE VIEWING GALLERY.

Peace and love?  Phooey.

1981:  MARK DAVID CHAPMAN IS SENTENCED TO 20 YEARS TO LIFE IN PRISON FOR MURDERING JOHN LENNON.

Does this mean he's eligible to be on next season's "Dancing with the Stars?"

1989:  CINCINNATI REDS MANAGER PETE ROSE IS BANNED FROM BASEBALL FOR GAMBLING BY COMMISSIONER A. BARTLETT GIAMATTI.

Will Rose ever get in the Hall of Fame?  What are the Vegas odds, please?

1995:  MICROSOFT RELEASES ITS WINDOWS 95 OPERATING SYSTEM.

Just like Amelia Earhart, if only they had stopped right there.

1998:  ACTOR E.G. MARSHALL DIES.

Well, we know that E.G. didn't stand for "ever green."

2004:  PSYCHIATRIST ELISABETH KUBLER-ROSS DIES.

She was an expert on the grieving process.  I hope her family was paying attention.

2013:  ACTRESS JULIE HARRIS DIES.

A great stage and screen actress and all I remember her from is "Knots Landing."

2014:  DIRECTOR RICHARD ATTENBOROUGH DIES.

It was all that dinosaur DNA that killed him.

2017:  ACTOR JAY THOMAS DIES.

Jerry Gold on TV's "Murphy Brown."  I hear he was a really nice guy.

Dinner last night:  Fried chicken sandwich at Dodger Stadium.

The Week of Anger, Part 1

 

It is palpable.   It is all around us.  It is all encompassing.  The world has made us all...

...angry.

Such was my week where a bunch of things just set me off and consumed the life I live.   Stupid, you say?   Screw you, I say.

The first stuff to light my fuse were three very innocent stories in the show business trade papers.   Beginning with the announcement that a reboot of "Ally McBeal" might be proceeding.  Sweet!  Having just watched the almost thirty-year-old show for the very first time, I can get into this.

Except the lead character will be Black and perhaps the daughter of Ally's roommate Renee.

Okay, so then, this is not Ally McBeal.  It is somebody else.   And I read where show creator David E. Kelley has given the blessing for this, but won't be involved.

So what's the point?   And here we have another example of needless and crammed-down-your-throat-for-no-good-reason...die-versity.

This is the world we live in.   White people are no longer necessary or apparently interested.   There is no better time in America not to be White.

Except I am.

And then I turn the page of the trade paper and I am confronted with the same nonsense all over again.

Amazon has dropped for our entertainment pleasure an updated TV show based on "A League of Their Own."  Folks, that is truly one of my favorite baseball movies.   Perfect in every way.

Except not perfect enough to not be "reimagined."  You see, that's the new word in Hollywood.   Take something that was perfectly fine and change it around so you can achieve the ideal and accepted-by-somebody-else die-versity.

Yep, this "League of Their Own," allegedly approved by director Penny Marshall on her death bed, is full of Black and other ethnic groups.   And liberally spread in some folks from the LGBTQ world.   It is now "reimagined."

And ruined.   And I am even angrier.

But I turn the page to read a story about the Broadway revival of the wonderful "1776."  All about our founding fathers.

Except they will all be playing by founding mothers.  And half the cast is Black.

AUDIBLE SCREAM.

Dinner last night:  Grilled tomato and mozzarella sandwich.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - August 22, 2022

 One dog's day of summer.

Dinner last night:  Caprese salad with fresh garden tomatoes.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - The End of Family Vacations, Part 2

 

Ah, the Boardwalk at Atlantic City.   How often did my family go there for a summer vacation?  Lots.  I am looking at this photo above and I see Paul Anka is appearing at the famous Steel Pier.  My God, I think we saw him there as well.  And I remember another visit there when I was bored out of my mind listening to the Lennon Sisters.

Yep, a pre-casino Atlantic City was the destination for us quite a few summers.  

And it would be the very last place I would vacation with my parents.

The bloom had fallen off the summer trip rose two years prior.  Whereas we used to always travel with another family or two, our penultimate family vacation was to Cooperstown, New York.  Just me and my parents.  A quasi-miserable time was had by all.  

After that disaster in Central New York, I highly doubted the three of us would ever attempt this again.  And the very next summer, we did not.  We did what people call now a "staycation."  Everybody stayed away from each other.  And it worked.

By the next summer, I was embedded in baseball, the Mets, and my friends "up the block."  We all had a wonderful nightly routine.  After dinner, we'd play a baseball game at our local vacant lot.  When darkness set in, we'd head home in time to get dessert from Coot the Good Humor Man.  Then, we'd sit around on somebody's front steps to discuss yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

It was glorious.  

And, then my mother presented me with a bombshell straight out of Pearl Harbor.

"We're all going to Atlantic City next week."

We who?  And you can't be fucking serious???  Or whatever my profane version of that question was back in the day.

Yep, we were trying it again.  Dad was off. Mom was off.  And, whether I liked it or not, I was going to be off from my hard days playing/watching baseball and goofing off.

This time around, though, it wouldn't just be us.  My parents, at least, would have some diversions.  My mom's longtime friend, Rose, and her second husband Adam, who was old enough to be the same guy from the Bible.  Rose worked as the cashier at the Quick Way Meat Market on 241st Street in the Bronx, so I saw her every time we did shopping there.  The four of them liked each other, but I wouldn't necessarily equate them to the Ricardos and the Mertzes.  

But we were going to travel with them.  And, since Rose and Adam didn't have a car, we would be making that four hour drive together.

I tried to put up an argument to stay home with my grandmother.  She could easily feed me as I maintained my daily and exciting schedule of nothingness.  But, as usual, I lost.  

So, on the fateful day of our departure, in the back seat was me, poor and old Adam sitting on the hump, and Rose.

The latter had to be at least 250 pounds.

I spent the entire ride wedged into the car ashtray on the side.  I think you can still see the mark on my right thigh.

Somewhere around Newark, New Jersey, my mother called out from the roomy front seat.

"Who wants fruit?"

There was no room for it in the back seat.  Nevertheless, Rose grabbed about seven or eight plums.  Adam grabbed a peach.  I rubbed my leg to restore some circulation.

Kill me now.

Once we arrived in Atlantic City, things got no better.  In fact, the torture chamber that was the back seat of a Buick was suddenly more inviting.

We had made reservations at a stately old hotel that my parents had stayed at on an Atlantic City trip before I was born.  In the years that passed, I had grown but the hotel had gone in the opposite direction.  It was run down and shabby.

And, to my mom's absolute disgust, there was no air conditioning.  I asked if it had AC when they had been previously.

"We didn't notice."

Oh, never mind.  And that's already way too much information.

But, amidst the humid air blowing in from the ocean, we hunkered down for what was supposed to be the next week.  I actually buried myself into my required summer reading for school.  Homework in July was certainly better than what I was facing now.

Quickly, it became apparent that, on a seaside vacation, the four adults had little in common.  My folks were no longer beach people.  In fact, my dad never was.  But, Rose and Adam loved to swim in the ocean.  And, decked out in bathing attire, I couldn't wait for them to go into the water and stay there.  Adam was one of those old timers who wore trunks that had perhaps no more than two or three stitches of actual fabric. Zero was left to the imagination or my horror.  Meanwhile, Rose was no Esther Williams either.  She needed plenty of material to cover up and barely did so at that.  I wanted to run and hide.

We did the usual Atlantic City business.  While Shamu and her nudist husband cavorted in the water, we paced up and down the Boardwalk.  It was all the same, but something seemed different.  My folks and I didn't see to have any energy for fun.  

At nights, after Rose had washed the sand out of her and Adam's navels, we would dine out.  Again, it was all very familiar.  But incredibly unfamiliar at the same time.

Eventually, my mother succumbed to the heat of our two-bedroom oven and wound up with a migraine.  So, to let her sleep it off, my father took me to the very movie theater you see in the photo above where "Bye Bye Birdie" is playing and, almost inexplicably, Bobby Rydell's name is on the marquee instead of Ann Margret's.  Huh?

Anyway, on our visit there, it was "The Odd Couple."  Playing to a packed house of laughing hyenas who likely had air conditioning in their hotel rooms.  My dad roared at Felix and Oscar.  It would be the next-to-last time I would ever go to the movies with my father.  And certainly the last time I would hear him laugh out loud in a theater.

When we got back to the hotel, Mom was better and asked how the movie was.  Dad said he loved it but alluded to some "raw" jokes that might have gone over my head.

Um, I'm right here and I got all the gags just fine.  But, it was an interesting moment for me.  My father still considering me a child, even though I felt I wasn't.

The next morning, my mother was done.  The lack of air conditioning was too much to bear.  

"Let's move up to Asbury Park."

Huh?

Rose and Adam didn't care as long as there was salt water nearby.  My father simply didn't want to argue the point with my mother.  And, as for me, could it be any more boring than this?

Have you ever been to Asbury Park?  It was!

I couldn't wait to get back into that pressure cooker of a back seat for a ride back to my friends, my Mets, and my dog.  I decided right then and there that I was officially too old and independent to go on vacation with my parents ever again.

Well, I never verbalized the words, but they must have transmitted upward to the parental units.

Because my family never went on a summer vacation after that.

Dinner last night:  Grilled bratwurst.

Classic TV Theme Song of the Month - August 2022

Fifty years ago, this show was getting set to premiere in the fall.   Very under-rated sitcom.  Only lasted one season.

 

Dinner last night:  BLT from Clementine's.

That Damn School Photographer Came Early This Year

Dinner last night:  Salad.
 

And Here's Another Baseball Documentary For You

 

On the heels of my review last Tuesday of the streamlined but compelling baseball documentary "Facing Nolan," we have "The Captain" on ESPN.

I wish I could say I sailed through it, but that's impossible since "The Captain" is broken up into seven...yes, seven hours.   Compare that to Nolan's 90 minutes.

So, let's do a comparison.  Both are Hall of Famers.   Ryan's career lasted 27 years.  Derek Jeter played for 20 years.   How come the shortstop's documentary is...gasp...five and a half hours longer?

Well, you can start with the fact that ESPN knows how to drag out a story for ratings.  Plus "The Captain" is produced by a clown car of sycophants...from that idiot Spike Lee to Jeter's agent Casey Close...the guy that just botched up Freddie Freeman's negotiations with the Atlanta Braves.   The end result is a vanity plate of baseball memories that will never do anything but put Derek Jeter in the most glowing of klieg lights.

Not to say that he doesn't deserve it.   Because the one thing you learn from the laborious "Captain" is that Jeter is a nice guy and avoids confrontations.   And that adds up to an informative but incredibly dull...gasp...seven hours.

Of course, all the advance hype was that one of the talking heads in "The Captain" was Alex Rodriguez and we would learn all about the friction between him and Derek.

Um, no.   Even that comes off with a lot of carefully chosen words...and nothing else.

Indeed, for me, the baseball exploits are well documented.   But the most compelling of the seven hours was the last one where we watch how Derek transforms from a baseball player to a baseball executive while his wife has some life-threatening health problems.  That was worth the previous sit of...gasp...six hours.

So, in a comparison of baseball documentaries, I have to say that Nolan Ryan squeaks by for the win.  And that's because, largely, Jeter's most interesting story was off the diamond.

LEN'S RATING:  Three stars.

Dinner last night:  Leftover SPO.

This Date in History - August 17

 

Maureen O'Hara would have been 102 today.   Except she died.

986:  A BYZANTINE ARMY IS DESTROY IN THE PASS OF TRAJAN'S GATE BY THE BULGARIANS UNDER THE COMITOPULI SAMUEL AND ARON.

This is the first evidence I've seen in these blog pieces where the Bulgarians are acting up.  Who knew??

1657:  BRITISH ADMIRAL ROBERT BLAKE DIES.

Just to be clear, this is not the guy who killed his wife.

1786:  FRONTIERSMAN DAVY CROCKETT IS BORN.

And, boy oh boy, did Disney make a fortune on those freakin' hats.

1807:  ROBERT FULTON'S FIRST AMERICAN STEAMBOAT LEAVES NEW YORK CITY FOR ALBANY ON THE HUDSON RIVER.

Somebody missed the 2:35PM out of Grand Central.

1862:  THE DAKOTA WAR OF 1862 BEGINS IN MINNESOTA AS LAKOTA WARRIORS ATTACK WHITE SETTLEMENTS ALONG THE MINNESOTA RIVER.

Somebody needed to run this factoid through Spellcheck.  Or perhaps we do have two states named North and South Lakota.

1862:  DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, MAJOR GENERAL J.E.B. STUART IS ASSIGNED COMMAND OF ALL THE CAVALRY OF THE CONFEDERATE ARMY. 

Is it J.E.B. or just plain Jeb?  Because, on the Beverly Hillbillies, I don't think it was J.E.D. Clampett.

1863:  DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, UNION BATTERIES AND SHIPS BOMBARD CONFEDERATE-HELD FORT SUMTER. 

Sorry, J.E.B. or Jeb.

1864:  DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, CONFEDERATE FORCES DEFEAT UNION TROOPS NEAR GAINESVILLE, FLORIDA.

Nice recovery, J.E.B. or Jeb.

1880:  VIOLINIST OLE BULL DIES.

No bull.

1883:  THE FIRST PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC'S NATIONAL ANTHEM, HIMNO NACIONAL.

Later on, when suffragettes got involved, it was Herno Nacional.

1888:  ACTOR MONTY WOOLEY IS BORN.

The man who came to dinner. 

1907:  PIKES PLACE MARKET, THE LONGEST CONTINUOUSLY-RUNNING PUBLIC FARMERS MARKET IN THE US, OPENED IN SEATTLE.

Years before people discovered Trader Joe's.

1908:  FANTASMAGORIE, THE FIRST ANIMATED CARTOON, REALIZED BY EMILE COHL, IS SHOWN IN PARIS.

The x-rated version was called Orgasmagorie.

1918:  BOLSHEVIK REVOLUTIONARY LEADER MOISEI URITSKY IS ASSASSINATED.

Which means...

1918:  BOLSHEVIK REVOLUTIONARY LEADER MOISEI URITSKY DIES.

Surprised?

1920:  ACTRESS MAUREEN O'HARA IS BORN.

The quintessential redhead.  And I think, for the most part, it was real.

1929:  PILOT FRANCIS GARY POWERS IS BORN.

I spy..........

1943:  ACTOR ROBERT DE NIRO IS BORN.

You talkin' to me?

1945:  THE INDONESIAN DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE.

So this is the day they shoot off cherry bombs?

1953:  THE FIRST MEETING OF NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS IS HELD IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA.

Where else could it be?  Sheboygan?

1969:  CATEGORY 5 HURRICANE CAMILLE HITS THE MISSISSIPPI COAST, KILLING 248 PEOPLE AND CAUSING $1.5 BILLION IN DAMAGE.

Damn you, George W. Bush.  A year out of Yale and you're already causing problems in this region.

1979:  ACTRESS VIVIAN VANCE DIES.

Ethel!!!!!!!!!!!

1982:  THE FIRST COMPACT DISCS ARE RELEASED TO THE PUBLIC IN GERMANY.

And I bet that it was tough to remove the cellophane even then.

1983:  LYRICIST IRA GERSHWIN DIES.

Outlived his brother by almost forty years.

1987:  NAZI DEPUTY RUDOLF HESS DIES.

I used to love those toy trucks at Christmas time.

1990:  ENTERTAINER PEARL BAILEY DIES.

One of my grandmother's favorites.  Mine, too.

1998:  US PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON ADMITS THAT HE HAD AN IMPROPER PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP WITH WHITE HOUSE INTERN MONICA LEWINSKY.

I bet Hillary still circles this date on her calendar.

2008:  SWIMMER MICHAEL PHELPS BECOMES THE FIRST PERSON TO WIN EIGHT GOLD MEDALS IN ONE OLYMPIC GAMES.

Take that, Mark Spitz.

2015:  ACTRESS YVONNE CRAIG DIES.

A former Batgirl and I don't mean for the Yankees.

Dinner last night:  Chicken sausage and sweet pepper salad.

Here's A Baseball Documentary For You

 

No, no, not the one about Derek Jeter that is currently showing on ESPN.   Nope, this one is confined into 90 or so minutes and is as tight as the grip on one of Nolan Ryan's fast balls.  

And quite compelling in its simplicity.

Now going back into the time capsule, Nolan Ryan was a big deal for me.  I mean, he is one of the primary reasons the Mets won the 1969 World Series.   At the tender age of 22.   And I was bit heartbroken and a little confused when he got traded to the Anaheim Angels in 1971, especially since they got the broken-down third baseman Jim Fregosi in return.

But perhaps the real reason why I and some of my hotly hormoned friends were going to miss Nolan was because we were also losing his wife Ruth.   All of us were a bit gaga over her.   The good news about the new documentary "Facing Nolan" is that she is one of the prominent talking heads to this story.   And, even in her 70s, she's still a bit of a fox.

"Facing Nolan" is one of those linear baseball biographies that goes from this thing happening to then this thing happening and then another thing happening.  A simple story about a kid who loved baseball and ended up pitching at an elite level for 27 years!

Do you learn a lot of new information?  Surprisingly, yes.   I had no clue that Ryan starting out with the Mets did not have a pitching coach giving him guidance.   I also could not fathom this little factoid.   Despite a career of over 5000 strikeouts and seven no-hitters, Ryan never once won the Cy Young Award for pitching.  Just writing that down here in this blog makes my jaw drop all over again.

So, in "Facing Nolan," you go from season to season and accolade to accolade.  Multiple talking heads are included from the Mets' catcher Jerry Grote to President George W. Bush.   And the movie concludes with a sweet moment where Nolan and his family of children and grandchildren are reading his plaque in the Hall of Fame at Cooperstown.

And yes, Ruth is with him.

"Facing Nolan" tells a baseball life in a nice and compact style.   You can breeze through it easily.

And that brings me to the other baseball documentary that I mentioned earlier.  I'll be discussing that later this week.

LEN'S RATING:  Four stars.

Dinner last night:  Leftover SPO.

 

Monday Morning Video Laugh - August 15, 2022

The Jeopardy knock-offs are still the only funny sketches you will find on SNL. 

Dinner last night:  Homemade SPO.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - The End of Family Vacations, Part 1

 

I actually marvel at some friends.  Even with children now in their 20s and their own careers and lives, the family unit still manages to go on summer vacation together.  When you would expect kids to say "see ya" to Mom and Dad, they simply ask about this year's chosen destination and how long they can go for.

That was not the case for me when I was in my teens.  I couldn't wait for this summer tradition to end.  And apparently so did my parents.

The photo above is from a motel in Cooperstown, New York and it was the location for my family unit's next-to-last summer sojourn together.   I was twelve and, despite the obvious focus on visiting the Baseball Hall of Fame, I wanted to be elsewhere.  

And apparently so did my parents.

This wasn't always the case.

For us, summer vacations had been a big deal.  You saw that from my father's Technicolor photos that I offered here last week.  Dad was always off the last week of July and the first week of August.  Our holiday fun was crammed into that two week period.  A trip to Radio City Music Hall.  Rye Playland.  A baseball game.  And usually a drive to someplace different for a few days.  We never got on a plane.  A vacation locale had to be something you could get to in an automobile.

Of course, those destinations were usually done in tandem with another family.  Some unit of parental friends who had kids.  So, it was ready-made fun for all.  Mom and Dad had other people to talk to.  I had other buddies to play with.  Virtually all of those trips invariably ended with somebody being mad at somebody else.  And my mother would make the official pronouncement that we would never be vacationing with THEM anymore.

These other families probably had the same feelings about us, because these group treks ultimately stopped.  Maybe their kids wanted to be elsewhere, too.  Whatever the case, the sole vacationers at this point were three people.  Me, my mother, and my father.  A situation that clearly reminded me of my status as an only child.  All I had to talk to in the car was my parents.  All they had to talk to in the car was me.  And each other.

None of this bode well for the future.

But, almost gallantly, Mom and Dad tried to press on.  We would be going to Cooperstown, New York.  Home of the Baseball Hall of Fame.  Given my new love for America's sport, this was a great choice on their part.  I couldn't wait to walk on Doubleday Field, where the game was allegedly invented.  I was dying to see all the plaques in the Hall itself.  And buy some nifty souvenirs.  

Plus it didn't look like that far a drive for me to be cooped up in the back seat of that year's family Buick.  

At least, it didn't on the map.

For some reason, my father, who was usually buttoned up on the driving part, opted not to drive up to central New York State on a highway.  He used back roads that seemed to add a week to the trip.  

Oh, look.  A farm house.

Oh, look.  A farm house.

Oh, look.  A cow.  And another farm house.

I fell into a coma.

Meanwhile, my mother was equally as pissed in the front seat.

Oh, look.  A farm house.

Oh, look.  A farm house.

Oh, look.  A cow.  And another farm house.

She wanted to put my dad into a coma.

When we finally arrived within the city limits of Cooperstown, another glitch raised its ugly head.  My folks hadn't exactly done their homework on lodging possibilities.  Given it was summer and close to that year's Hall induction ceremonies, rooms were scarce.  We found up at the motel shown above.  I'm sure it's been upgraded since.  

Back then, there was no air conditioning.

Well, we didn't have at home either.  But, here in hot and sultry Central New York State, we wanted it.  Badly.  But, we have few other options.  This would be our pressure cooker for two nights.  

The tension was as thick as the night air.  After the day of repeated farm houses, my parents were exhausted and wanted to go to bed.  The only child was once again reduced to finding his own fun.

I turned on my transistor radio and was transported to a magical world.  For some reason, you can pick up lots of out-of-town baseball game broadcasts at night.  I figured that this was because I was in Cooperstown, the mecca of all baseball.  Indeed, it was more likely that the calm night air allowed radio signals to travel further.  Nevertheless, I was in heaven.

Wow, it's the Pittsburgh Pirates game!

Wow, it's the Cleveland Indians game!

Wow, it's....

A voice came from the dark on the other side of the room.

"GO TO SLEEP!!"

I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed our visit to the Baseball Hall of Fame the very next day.  I savored every plaque and piece of memorabilia.  I took several weeks of allowance and purchased some baseball books from a local souvenir vendor.  And, while I couldn't actually walk on Doubleday Field due to some ill-time sprinkler activity, I sat in a dugout and pretended to be Yogi Berra.  

Even my mom seemed to enjoy the day, despite the fact that this was a good two decades before she became a Met fan.  She probably was simply happy to be out of the rotisserie grill that was passing for our motel.

But I could feel some friction going on between Mom and Dad.  They said little to each other in the car going home.  Except for one terse suggestion from my mother to our driver.

"Take the highway home."

If this was the next-to-last family vacation, you probably will want to know about the last one.  The excursion that killed it for all time.

Come back next Sunday for the details.

Dinner last night:  Italian sub from Jersey Mike's.

Classic Newsreel of the Month - August 2022

Sixty years ago this month...

Dinner last night:  BLT from Clementine's.

Your Weekend Movie Guide for August 2022

 

Oooooh!  It's a ballroom now.

Here's another movie theater NYC forgot to save.   Admittedly, it wasn't an old movie palace.   But it echoed the memories of one and the theater inside was glorious and grand and giant.   Plus I got to see some great revivals there..."Spartacus"..."Vertigo"..."My Fair Lady"..."Lawrence of Arabia."

But, yep, we need another place to dance.   Oh, well, let's see what's playing at the future dance halls in your neighborhood.   You know the drill, gang.   I'll sift through what's left of the movie pages in the LA Times and give you my gut reaction to what's on those big screens.

And, sadly, one of those big canvas won't be found at the Ziegfeld.

Easter Sunday:   Shouldn't this have come out in April?  Starring the incredibly unfunny Jo Koy.

Nope:  My response is the title.

Bullet Train:  Brad Pitt in some action movie.   Obviously he had some legal bills to pay.

DC League of Super Pets:  Just when you thought super heroes hadn't gone far enough.

Thor - Love and Thunder:   For those who prefer their super heroes to be human.

Minions - The Rise of Gru:   Isn't Minion a Jewish term for a meeting?

Where The Crawdads Sing:   Isn't that the hillbilly family that used to show up on "The Andy Griffith Show?"

Elvis:  I hear it's dark and terrible and Elvis has left the theater anyway.

Vengeance:   The way Republicans are approaching the midterm election?

Black Phone:   Obviously pre-Princess phone.

Mrs. Harris Goes To Paris:   Without me.

Marcel The Shell with Shoes On:   Is this one of those titles you have to say five times fast?

A Love Song:   I disconnected at "A."

Bodies Bodies Bodies:   A horror movie, I suppose.   And hope.

Mack and Rita:  A 30 year-old channels herself as a 70 year-old who looks like Diane Keaton.  Oh, wait, it is Diane Keaton!

Fall:   Two idiots climb to the top of a radio tower and can't get down.   Pray for a lightning strike.

Emily the Criminal:   A woman who can't find a job goes into credit card fraud.  Don't we all?

Summering:  Middle schoolers enjoy their time off.  I used to as well.

Emergency Declaration:  One of those airplane disaster movies except with a Korean cast.   No dogs were harmed during the making of this film.   Oh, sure, right.

Back to the Drive-In:   A documentary about people returning to drive-ins during the pandemic.   Except this won't be playing at one.

Day Shift:   Jamie Foxx as a pool cleaner by day and vampire killer at night.  It's sad that this economy forces you to take two jobs.

Dinner last night:  Salad.

Len's Recipe of the Month - August 2022

 

I would be lost without Valerie Bertinelli's cooking show and cookbooks.   So many of those gems are shared here.   And this latest one is really terrific because you can do everything in one oven-ready skillet or, in my case, a Dutch oven.   It's Honey Mustard Chicken Thighs and Vegetables and so damn easy.

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

You want to use four to six bone-in chicken thighs.  Pat them dry and then season liberally with salt and pepper.   In a Dutch oven with some vegetable oil simmering, place the thighs skin down and sear them from six minutes.   Then do the other side.   Remove to a holding plate.

There should be some bits of flavor on the bottom of your pan so pour a 1/2 cup of white wine and deglaze the pan.  

Add a bag of frozen pearl onions.

Add three cloves of sliced garlic.

Add two tablespoons of honey mustard and let this all come together under medium heat.

In a separate bowl, whisk together another tablespoon of honey mustard with a tablespoon of EVO.

Add about a pound of sliced and cleaned baby bella mushrooms.

Nestle the chicken on top of the veggies and then brush on some of the mustard/oil glaze.

Put uncovered in the oven for about 45 minutes.   Five minutes prior, stir in a half bag of frozen peas.

Done!  And clean-up is a snap.

Dinner last night:  The pre-game buffet at the Dodger Stadium Club.

This Date in History - August 10

 

I've got the monopoly on history today.

610:  MUHAMMAD BEGINS TO RECEIVE THE QUR'AN.

Delivered every morning just like the New York Times.

955:  HOLY ROMAN EMPEROR OTTO I DEFEATS THE MAGYARS, ENDING 50 YEARS OF MAGYAR INVASION.

In some circles, history is divided into pre-Magyars and post-Magyars.

1519:  FERDINAND MAGELLAN'S FIVE SHIPS SET SAIL FROM SEVILLE TO CIRCUMNAVIGATE THE GLOBE.

And little did he know was that his main claim to fame would be a car navigation system named after him.

1675:  THE FOUNDATION STONE OF THE ROYAL GREENWICH OBSERVATORY IN LONDON IS LAID.

Even stones remember their first time.

1776:  WORD OF THE UNITED STATES DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE REACHES LONDON.

That's one freakin' slow post office.

1792:  DURING THE FRENCH REVOLUTION, LOUIS XVI OF FRANCE IS ARRESTED AND TAKEN INTO CUSTODY.

The king is captured.  Doesn't that end the chess game?

1793:  THE LOUVRE IS OPENED IN PARIS.

Everybody exit through the gift shop.

1821:  MISSOURI IS ADMITTED AS THE 24TH U.S. STATE.

If you insist...

1846:  THE SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION IS CHARTERED BY THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS AFTER JAMES SMITHSON DONATES $500,000.

The original tax deduction.

1874:  PRESIDENT HERBERT HOOVER IS BORN.

Just like the vacuum, he sucked.

1889:  CHARLES DARROW, THE CREATOR OF MONOPOLY, IS BORN.

Collecting $200 as he passes Go.

1898:  ACTOR JACK HALEY IS BORN.

He said "oil can."

1905:  THE RUSSO-JAPANESE WAR PEACE NEGOTIATIONS BEGIN IN PORTSMOUTH, NEW HAMPSHIRE.

How the hell did they wind up over there?

1923:  ACTRESS RHONDA FLEMING IS BORN.

I wanted her to be my mother.

1928:  SINGER EDDIE FISHER IS BORN.

I did not want him to be my father.

1932:  RIN TIN TIN DIES.

Lassie was questioned by the police.

1948:  CANDID CAMERA MAKES ITS TELEVISION DEBUT AFTER BEING ON RADIO FOR A YEAR.

Candid Camera on the radio?  I can't understand why that didn't work.

1963:  POLITICIAN ESTES KEFAUVER DIES.

Mentioned here only because my grandmother would say "bastard" when she heard his name on TV.

1969:  A DAY AFTER MURDERING SHARON TATE AND FOUR OTHERS, THE CHARLES MANSON CULT KILL LENO AND ROSEMARY LABIANCA.

I guess mass murders are like Chinese food.  A day later, you want to kill all over again.

1971:  THE SOCIETY OF AMERICAN BASEBALL RESEARCH IS FOUNDED IN COOPERSTOWN, NEW YORK.

And we wind up with tons of stats that have confused us ever since.

1977:  IN YONKERS, NEW YORK, DAVID BERKOWITZ IS ARRESTED FOR THE "SON OF SAM" MURDERS.

Five years later, I was living less than two blocks away.  How's that for useless trivia?

1981:  THE HEAD OF JOHN WALSH'S SON, ADAM, IS FOUND.

And just what do you do with THAT?

1990:  THE MAGELLAN SPACE PROBE REACHES VENUS.

Hey, no fair, history books!  I already used my one and only Magellan joke.

1995:  OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBERS TIMOTHY MCVEIGH AND TERRY NICHOLS ARE INDICTED FOR THE BOMBING.

How does the song go?  "Let's lock the door and throw away the key..."

2008:  MUSICIAN ISAAC HAYES DIES.

The ultimate shaft.

2019:  FINANCIER JEFFREY EPSTEIN DIES.

He was just hanging around anyway.

2021:  HOCKEY STAR TONY ESPOSITO DIES.

The ultimate penalty box.

Dinner last night:  Chicken sausage.