927: KING CONSTANTINE II OF SCOTLAND, KING HYWEL DDA OF DEHEUBARTH, EALDRED OF BAMBURGH AND KING OWAIN OF THE CUMBRIANS ACCEPTED THE OVERLORDSHIP OF KING AETHELSTAN OF ENGLAND, LEADING TO SEVEN YEARS OF PEACE IN THE NORTH.
I have no idea what any of that means, but congratulate me please for typing all that.
1470: THE OTTOMANS CAPTURE EUBOEA.
When foot stools attack.
1493: HARTMANN SCHEDEL'S NUREMBERG CHRONICLE, ONE OF THE BEST DOCUMENTED EARLY PRINTED BOOKS, IS PUBLISHED.
And immediately went to #3 on Amazon.
1543: KING HENRY VIII OF ENGLAND MARRIES HIS SIXTH AND LAST WIFE, CATHERINE PARR.
That guy must have had some big....um, crown.
1580: THE OSTROG BIBLE, ONE OF THE EARLY PRINTED BIBLES IN A SLAVIC LANGUAGE, IS PUBLISHED.
How do you say Amazon in Slavic?
1776: CAPTAIN JAMES COOK BEGINS HIS THIRD VOYAGE.
With Peter Pan? Oh, wait, I read that too fast.
1799: RANJIT SINGH CONQUERS LAHORE AND BECOME MAHARAJA OF THE PUNJAB.
Singh for your supper.
1804: FORMER US SECRETARY OF THE TREASURY ALEXANDER HAMILTON DIES A DAY AFTER BEING SHOT IN A DUEL.
Guns kill.
1862: THE MEDAL OF HONOR IS AUTHORIZED BY THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS.
And you can buy a replica for $14.99 if you watch late night television.
1884: FILM MOGUL LOUIS B. MAYER IS BORN.
Dirtbag.
1895: SONGWRITER OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN IS BORN.
Looking at the date, he is much older than springtime.
1908: COMIC MILTON BERLE IS BORN.
Remember the joke about King Henry VIII? Well, Milton had a big...um, crown, too.
1909: ACTOR JOE DERITA IS BORN.
The Curly stooge nobody remembers.
1917: THE BISBEE DEPORTATION OCCURS AS VIGILANTES KIDNAP AND DEPORT NEARLY 1,300 STRIKING MINERS FROM ARIZONA.
You had Donald Trump at deportation.
1937: COMIC BILL COSBY IS BORN.
Is he back in jail yet?
1943: GERMAN AND SOVIET FORCES ENGAGE IN ONE OF THE LARGEST ARMORED ENGAGEMENTS OF ALL TIME.
Back when we were rooting for Russia.
1948: FITNESS GURU RICHARD SIMMONS IS BORN.
Talk about strange.
1948: ISRAELI PRIME MINISTER DAVID BEN-GURION ORDERS THE EXPULSION OF PALESTINIANS.
What else is new over there?
1951: ACTRESS CHERYL LADD IS BORN.
Okay, Angels....
1962: THE ROLLING STONES PERFORM THEIR FIRST CONCERT IN LONDON.
Pure satisfaction.
1967: RIOTS BEGIN IN NEWARK, NEW JERSEY.
Continuing to this day.
1973: A FIRE DESTROYS THE ENTIRE SIXTH FLOOR OF THE NATIONAL PERSONNEL RECORDS CENTER OF THE US.
Now nobody knows how much vacation time they have.
1973: ACTOR LON CHANEY JR. DIES.
Not as famous as his dad.
1979: SINGER MINNIE RIPERTON DIES.
Gone at 31. Way too young. So I won't say anything about how annoying that one hit of hers was.
2006: HEZBOLLAH INITIATES OPERATION TRUE PROMISE.
Is that like a new margarine?
2006: LEBANON-ISRAEL WAR BEGINS.
Does it ever end?
2008: BASEBALL STAR BOBBY MURCER DIES.
One of 150 Yankee numbers to be retired.
2011: TV PRODUCER SHERWOOD SCHWARTZ DIES.
He created the Brady Bunch and Gilligan's Island so good riddance.
2020: ACTRESS KELLY PRESTON DIES.
Mrs. John Travolta.
Dinner last night: Leftover Mongolian beef.
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