Classic TV Commercial of the Month - December 2019

There are all sorts of ways to sell electric shavers at Christmas time.

Dinner last night:  Pasta with tomatoes and kalamata olives.

Your Holiday Mug Shots for December 2019

 Even one of Santa's elves is not above the law.

 Wonder who's going to be sitting on your lap at the state prison.

 "Well, after all, your wife is home alone every Christmas Eve."

 "I swear I didn't know the kid was only eight."

 Well, you were at one time.

 Does the local beauty parlor offer a Christmas gift certificate?

 Trying out some new things to hang on the tree.

 That's a little more than a shaving nick.

 If the Three Stooges were Black, this could be Larry.

 If this is on the cover of her Christmas card, mark it address unknown.

 That hair doesn't have a part.  It has a runway.

What happens when one of those Wise Men is caught shoplifting that myrrh.

Dinner last night:  Salad.

My Annual Warning

Well, blow me down.  Yep, it's the Christmas season already.  And we celebrate it here on these blog pages.

If you're looking for a more generic look at the holiday season, you won't find it here.   If you want to embrace Kwanzaa, go see if Maxine Waters has a blog.  If she does, I bet there are lots of misspelled words.  

This blog is almost thirteen years old and we've been through a lot of Christmases together.  So, as a tradition, I will be rerunning some of my favorite Yuletide pieces of the past.  No, I'm not getting lazy.  But, during this month, I am a little busier than usual.  Who isn't?  In general, there's egg nog and other adult beverages to enjoy.  I could be blogging in a semi-permanent haze.   

So, in an attempt to make sure there is something posted here every day, you will see some repeat entries.   I will try to refresh most of them where possible.   You'll be seeing again my listing of Christmas movies that you need to watch.   And there might be an old Sunday Memory Drawer or two.

That said, you'll still be laughing.  Or maybe laughing for a second and third time.  Hell, if you can watch Linus doing that reading from the Gospel of Mark a few dozen times, you certainly can read some of my best stuff once more.

A lot of this month's blog entries are already written and in the can.   If there is such a thing as a virtual can.  This allows me to take some time off and enjoy the holidays.  As a matter of fact, my Wednesday history lesson is already done right through to the middle of February.  One does what one has to do to keep this damn thing rolling.

So, bear with us.  Wait, I mean bear with me.  I don't have a staff putting this together.  It's just little old me.   Even Santa had elves.  And I'm thinking Mrs. Claus got shoved into the assembly line from time to time.  There will be fun and games here.  So what if some of it was written last month?   Or maybe four or five years ago?

Merry, merry Christmas.  We'll see you for some glad and funny tidings tomorrow.

Dinner last night:  Mushroom pasta and bolognese sauce.

This Date in History - December 4

Happy birthday to the last Hillbilly standing, Max Baer Jr.   Whee doggie!

771:  AUSTRIAN KING CARLOMAN DIES, LEAVING HIS BROTHER CHARLEMAGNE KING OF THE NOW COMPLETE FRANKISH KINGDOM.

Not Frank.  Frankish.

1110:  DURING THE FIRST CRUSADE, THE CRUSADERS SACK SIDON.

For a twenty yard loss.

1259:  KINGS LOUIS IX OF FRANCE AND HENRY III OF ENGLAND AGREE TO THE TREATY OF PARIS, IN WHICH HENRY RENOUNCES HIS CLAIMS TO FRENCH-CONTROLLED TERRITORY IN EUROPE.

Je ne care pas.

1619:  38 COLONISTS FROM BERKELEY PARISH IN ENGLAND DISEMBARK IN VIRGINIA AND GIVE THANKS TO GOD.  THIS IS CONSIDERED THE FIRST THANKSGIVING.

And who started the first fight at the dinner table?

1674:  FATHER JACQUES MARQUETTE FOUNDS A MISSION ON THE SHORES OF LAKE MICHIGAN.  

Hence the city.  Hence the unviersity.

1783:  AT FRAUNCES TAVERN IN NEW YORK CITY, US GENERAL GEORGE WASHINGTON FORMALLY BIDS HIS OFFICERS FAREWELL.

And announced that somebody else was going to pay for the next round.

1864:  DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, FORCES UNDER UNION GENERAL JUDSON KILPATRICK PREVENT TROOPS LED BY CONFEDERATE GENERAL JOSEPH WHEELER FROM INTERFERING WITH UNION GENERAL WILLIAM SHERMAN'S MARCH TO THE ATLANTIC OCEAN FROM ATLANTA, GEORGIA.

It took longer for me to type that sentence than it did for Sherman to march to the sea.

75:  NOTORIOUS NEW YORK CITY POLITICIAN BOSS TWEED ESCAPES FROM PRISON AND FLEES TO CUBA.  

Cuba is better than a nice, cushy jail cell?

1881:  THE FIRST EDITION OF THE LOS ANGELES TIMES IS PUBLISHED.

In 2019, it is barely read.  Except by me and maybe one other person.

1909: THE MONTREAL CANADIENS ICE HOCKEY CLUB, THE OLDEST PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY FRANCHISE IN THE WORLD, IS FOUNDED AS A MEMBER OF THE NHL.

Talk about your power plays.

1918:  US PRESIDENT WOODROW WILSON SAILS FOR THE WORLD WAR I PEACE TALKS IN VERSAILLES, BECOMING THE FIRST US PRESIDENT TO TRAVEL TO EUROPE WHILE IN OFFICE.

About twenty years before First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt turned it into an art form.

1921:  THE FIRST VIRGINIA RAPPE MANSLAUGHTER TRIAL AGAINST ROSCOE "FATTY" ARBUCKLE ENDS IN A HUNG JURY.

Well hung.

1921:  ACTRESS DEANNA DURBIN IS BORN.

She died in 2013 so she did not get cheated.

1934:  TV HOST WINK MARTINDALE IS BORN.

Good.  Now we can televise the Rose Parade.

1937:  ACTOR MAX BAER JR. IS BORN.

TV's Jethro.....and, wait a minute, Jethrine!

1937:  THE FIRST ISSUE OF THE CHILDREN'S COMIC, THE DANDY COMIC, IS PUBLISHED.  IT IS THE FIRST TO USE SPEECH BALLOONS.

Except for Henry who never said anything.

1943:  DURING WORLD WAR II, US PRESIDENT FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT CLOSES THE WORKS PROGRESS ADMINISTRATION, BECAUSE OF THE HIGH LEVELS OF WARTIME EMPLOYMENT IN THE US.

In 2013, we could use a good war.

1945:  BY A VOTE OF 65 60 7, THE US SENATE APPROVES US PARTICIPATION IN THE UNITED NATIONS.

Yeah, how did that work out for the world in general?

1949:  ACTOR JEFF BRIDGES IS BORN.

So we know what Lloyd was doing back in March of 1949.

1954:  THE FIRST BURGER KING IS OPENED IN MIAMI, FLORIDA.

Pickle held.

1956:  THE MILLION DOLLAR QUARTET, CONSISTING OF ELVIS PRESLEY, JERRY LEE LEWIS, CARL PERKINS, AND JOHNNY CASH, GET TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST AND LAST TIME.

I am guessing there was at least one bottle of booze there.

1967:  ACTOR BERT LAHR DIES.

Da nerve.

1969:  BLACK PANTHER PARTY MEMBERS FRED HAMPTON AND MARK CLARK ARE SHOT AND KILLED IN THEIR SLEEP DURING A RAID BY 14 CHICAGO POLICE OFFICERS.

Paging Al Sharpton.  Paging Al Sharpton.

1971:  THE MONTREUX CASINO IN SWITZERLAND IS SET ABLAZE BY SOMEONE WIELDING A FLARE GUN DURING A FRANK ZAPPA CONCERT.  THE INCIDENT IS NOTED IN THE SONG "SMOKE ON THE WATER."

A fire in the sky.

1971:  THE ULSTER VOLUNTEER FORCE BOMBS A CATHOLIC-OWNED PUB IN BELFAST, KILLING 15.  THIS IS KNOWN AS "THE TROUBLES."

"Troubles?"  That's being nice.  This is completely fucked up.

1978:  FOLLOWING THE MURDER OF MAYOR GEORGE MOSCONE, DIANNE FEINSTEIN BECOMES SAN FRANCISCO'S FIRST FEMALE MAYOR.

And we have been stuck with this hemorrhoid ever since.

1980:  ROCK GROUP LED ZEPPELIN OFFICIALLY DISBANDS, FOLLOWING THE DEATH OF DRUMMER JOHN BONHAM ON SEPTEMBER 25TH.

His personal stairway to heaven.

1984:  ACTOR JACK MERCER DIES.

He was the voice of Popeye in the movies.  Those wonderful, under-his-breath comments.

1991:  PAN AM GOES BANKRUPT AND CEASES OPERATIONS.

They made the going great.  Now, not so much.

1991:  JOURNALIST TERRY A. ANDERSON IS RELEASED AFTER 7 YEARS OF CAPTIVITY AS A HOSTAGE IN BEIRUT.  HE IS THE LAST AND LONGEST-HELD AMERICAN HOSTAGE IN LEBANON.

Somebody tell him who shot JR.

1993:  ROCK STAR FRANK ZAPPA DIES.

Twenty two years to the day after that Smoke Water business.

2006:  SIX BLACK YOUTH ASSAULT A WHITE TEENAGER IN LOUISIANA.

And, on the nightly news, nobody said a word.

2015:  ACTOR ROBERT LOGGIA DIES.

He was in...like...everything.

2017:  THE PONTIAC SILVERDOME IS IMPLODED.

It would have been more fun if they did it in the middle of a game.

Dinner last night:  Tomato and parmesan soup.

There Is Hope Yet

There are faint glimmers but at least they exist.   Reasons to go out and see a movie, I mean.

I'm not talking about the latest iteration of some super hero movie. 

Or a remake of "Charlie's Angels," courtesy of the mentally bankrupt development folks at a studio.  

Or yet another girl-empowerment cartoon from Disney.  Yes, I'm looking at you, "Frozen 2."

Or some super self-conscious look at the horrific treatment America has given A)Blacks B) Hispanics C) LBGTQ D) Women.

I go to be entertained and the first sterling example this year was Quentin Tarantino's amazingly clever "Once Upon A Time In....Hollywood."

Now 2019 has given us a second original film that dares to be different simply by giving us something worthwhile to see.

Yes, "Jo Jo Rabbit" is that movie.  Different, inventive, and, dare I add, with a message.  A film that has you laughing heartily and then suddenly tugs on your heart strings in an instant.   An expert package of film making from writer/director Taika Waititi...a name that I had to look up to find out whether it was a male or a female.  PS, Taika is a guy.

I can safely say you have never seen a plot like "Jo Jo Rabbit" before.   Young 10-year-old German boy Johannes is an early joiner to Hitler's youth army  (led by the always welcome Sam Rockwell) during World War II.  But his dedication to the cause is challenged when he can't kill a rabbit on command.   To make matters more complicated, he soon discovers that his own mother has hidden a young Jewish girl in the wall of their home.   This is a predicament that Johannes discusses freely with his own imaginary friend...a cartoonish version of Adolf Hitler himself.

Yes, I wrote that all in one paragraph.   And, if it sounds quirky to you, wait till you see how it all unfolds on screen.  With acting performances that are completely on-point, "Jo Jo Rabbit" will have you howling throughout most of the film, but also managing to deliver a strong message in the final reel.   This is a movie that has generated strong Oscar buzz and deservedly so.

Put this on your list this holiday season.   You won't be disappointed.   And...

Heil Waititi!

LEN'S RATING: Four stars.

Dinner last night:  Pork chop and roasted tomatoes.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - December 2, 2019

It's Christmas Parade time.   And here's the first casualty.

Dinner last night:  The last of the Thanksgiving leftovers.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Christmas, Dodger Style

Thinking about a memory from 11 years ago, I called my Dodger season ticket rep Kaitlyn.  Knowing that the stadium was undergoing a 120 million dollar renovation this winter, I was hoping against hope.

Would there be an exclusive holiday event for Dodger season ticket holders this December?   The answer was as expected.

"There are a lot of moving parts out here this winter.  Sorry."

I guess they don't want a season ticket holder to be under a falling construction crane.  I guess that could prompt a law suit of some kind.  

Sadly, there would be no such event this year.   So my mind wanders back to the first one the team had back in 2008.   It was glorious.

That year, I was one of the 250 season plan holder invited to their holiday celebration on the field. It was perhaps one of the best events I've ever attended in a baseball stadium. With Christmas songs blaring over the loudspeaker, we got the run of the place. There was no place you couldn't visit. The dugouts, the bullpens, even the padded luxury seats. Dodger greats and some not-so-greats circulated among the fans who were also treated to concession prices from circa-1965. Sodas were two bucks. Sandy Koufax was arthritis-free the last time that happened. Here again are the highlights of that terrific Sunday...a true memory. 
I'm in centerfield with the stadium in full view. With all these folks tramping all over the field, the groundskeepers would be putting in for overtime. When you stand in the outfield, you really appreciate how enormous the place is.
On the mound where Koufax, Drysdale, Hershiser, Fernando, and Sutton have thrown. Okay, I went one too far, didn't I? That is not a balk move, by the way. But, I have one question: why am I throwing lefthanded?
Super-young Clayton Kershaw, who looks as if he could be working the counter at Starbucks during the winter, gave some curveball tips. Nice kid. And I emphasize "kid."  His career would take off the next year.   Boy, did it take off!
This was so long ago that the LA TV market could actually still see the games on regular team via Prime Sports.   Posing with the Prime Sports guys, Steve Lyons and Kevin Kennedy. On the end is Dodger radio play-by-play announcer Charlie Steiner who was super nice. FYI, Lyons spent a lot of the afternoon hitting on some tall blonde.

On the warning track in right field. I have no idea who the Grenado family is.
A relic from the days when relief pitchers came into the game via a golf cart like this. Sadly, the ignition key was not available. This easily could have wound up in my garage by the end of the day.
In the Dodger dugout. There's a reason you always see the players hanging over the railing on the top step. When you're seated, you can't see shit on the field.
The bullpen phone in the visitor's dugout. I actually got a dialtone and tried to warm up a lefthander.
They had a neat photo gimmick. You stand at home plate between two World Series trophies and they flash your names on the scoreboard behind you. I got a little creative and simply had them put my season season location.  I have since moved.   BTW, my picture companion here is good friend Andrew.
Last but not least, here's our photo op with Santa. And not just any old run-of-the-mill Santa. Yep, here's Tommy Lasorda. When we sidled up for the picture, I had the following exchange.

Me:  "Hey, Tommy, I used to bleed Met blue and orange. But now I think it's all Dodger blue."

Tommy:  "Well, now you're making sense, pal."

Glad you think so, Tommy. Because with days like this at Dodger Stadium, I'll never ever go back to Flushing and the Mets ever again.  

This particular visit to Dodger Stadium made a memory that will last a lifetime.  Well, at least, 11 years.

Dinner last night:  Fried chicken sandwich at the Broxton.