This Date in History - April 12

 

A tough day to be king...or US President, for that matter.  Read and learn.

240:  SHAPUR I IS CROWNED AS KING OF THE SASANIAN EMPIRE.

A tough day for whoever he was succeeding.

467:  ANTHEMIUS IS ELEVATED TO EMPEROR OF THE WESTERN ROMAN EMPIRE.

I guess a national song to him would be called the Anthemius Anthem.

627:  KING EDWIN OF NORTHUMBRIA IS CONVERTED TO CHRISTIANITY.

A tough day for whatever religion he was leaving.

1167:  KING KARL SVERKERSSON OF SWEDEN IS MURDERED ON VISINGSO.

Now that really is a bad day for him.

1606:  THE UNION FLAG IS ADOPTED AS THE FLAG OF ENGLISH AND SCOTTISH SHIPS.

You don't hear much about the Scotland Navy.

1820:  ALEXANDER YPSILANTIS IS DECLARED LEADER OF FILIKI ETERIA, A SECRET ORGANIZATION TO OVERTHROW OTTOMAN RULE OVER GREECE.

A tough day to be a lot of things here.

1861:  AMERICAN CIVIL WAR - BATTLE OF FORT SUMTER - THE WAR BEGINS WITH CONFEDERATE FORCES FIRING ON THE FORT.

Enjoy it.   This won't end well.

1865:  AMERICAN CIVIL WAR - MOBILE, ALABAMA FALLS TO THE UNION ARMY.

Told ya.

1877:  THE UNITED KINGDOM ANNEXES THE TRANSVAAL.

The who?  The what?

1912:  NURSE CLARA BARTON DIES.

No donuts will help now.

1916:  AUTHOR BEVERLY CLEARY IS BORN.

I read all her books in grade school.   No, really.

1917:  WORLD WAR I - CANADIAN FORCES SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETE THE TAKING OF VIMY RIDGE FROM THE GERMANS.

And you thought they only played hockey.

1926:  ACTRESS JANE WITHERS IS BORN.

Josephine the Plumber!

1927:  CHIANG KAI-SHEK ORDERS THE COMMUNIST PARTY OF CHINA MEMBERS EXECUTED IN SHANGHAI.

Isn't that a little extreme?

1932:  ENTERTAINER TINY TIM IS BORN.

He tiptoed through the tulips.  Now he's under them.

1934:  THE STRONGEST WIND GUST IN THE WORLD AT THE TIME OF 231 MPH OCCURS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE.

I wonder what the Real Feel temperature was.

1945:  US PRESIDENT FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT DIES IN OFFICE AND HARRY TRUMAN BECOMES PRESIDENT.

FDR's last words:  "You better get my mistress out of here before Eleanor gets home."

1947:  TV HOST DAVID LETTERMAN IS BORN.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Don't Care.

1955:  THE POLIO VACCINE, DEVELOPED BY DR. JONAS SALK, IS DECLARED SAFE AND EFFECTIVE.

Okay, I'll take a shot...ouch.

1961:  THE SOVIET COSMONAUT YURI GAGARIN BECOMES THE FIRST HUMAN TO TRAVEL INTO OUTER SPACE.

They shot him up there because they ran out of monkeys and dogs.

1980:  SAMUEL DOE TAKES CONTROL OF LIBERIA IN A COUP D'ETAT.

Ousting his brother John.

1981:  BOXER JOE LOUIS DIES.

Eight...nine...ten.

1981:  THE FIRST LAUNCH OF A COLUMBIA SPACE SHUTTLE.

January 1986 is coming.

1989:  ACTIVIST ABBIE HOFFMAN DIES.

And none too soon.

1989:  BOXER SUGAR RAY ROBINSON DIES.

See Joe Louis.

1992:  EURO DISNEYLAND OPENS.

With Euro long lines.

1999:  US PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON IS CITED FOR CONTEMPT OF COURT FOR GIVING FALSE STATEMENTS IN A CIVIL LAWSUIT.

All politics aside, he really remains, to this day, a dirty guy.

2009:  PORN STAR MARILYN CHAMBERS DIES.

And, oddly enough, she was still making movies in 2011.

2016:  ACTRESS ANNE JACKSON DIES.

Well, with husband Eli gone...

2022:   COMIC GILBERT GOTTFRIED DIES.

A loss too soon.

Dinner last night:  Salad.

The Blur of the 80s

 

Watching the new documentary "Pretty Baby - Brooke Shields" on Hulu, I was struck by how much I don't remember about Brooke Shields.   I mean, I was around for the 80s.   How the hell did I miss all of what was new information to me in this film?

Okay, I knew who she was.   A young model guided by her mother into doing films with nudity.   And I vaguely remember seeing "The Blue Lagoon."  But, everything else was a blur.

I did not know that she had a relationship with Michael Jackson who wanted to have a baby with her.

I did not know that she lost her virginity at Princeton to none other than Dean "Superman" Cain.

I did not know that she had to initiate several interventions with her alcoholic mom.

I did not know that she fell under the Svengali-like spell of tennis star Andre Agassi whom she later married and divorced.

I only vaguely remember her sitcom "Suddenly Susan" which apparently had her falling down a lot.

I did not know about her apparently well-publicized bout with post partum depression after the birth of her first child.

I did not know that the aforementioned depression resulted in a nasty public feud with Tom Cruise.

To think that I knew none of this is the mark of a good documentary.  Or maybe I just didn't care enough at the time to pay attention.  Regardless, I was captivated by Brooke's story.   I was even more gratified to see her at the end of the film, having a very family-like discussion at the kitchen table with her longtime husband and two daughters.

You might argue that Brooke publicly going into all this detail is just attention-getting.   But I would say that the ultimate goal of the film is achieved.   To show that somebody like her survived.  Providing hope that others can as well.

Check it out.   And see how much you remember.

LEN'S RATING:  Three stars.

Dinner last night:  Hamburger.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - April 10, 2023

 What April showers will bring...

Dinner last night:  Flat iron steak at Ysabel.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - The Easter Parade of One

Thank God I've outgrown this nonsense. Indeed, Easter has become for me the lost holiday. I'll go to church, for sure. But, after that, I usually head home, switch to my play clothes, and watch a baseball game. If you're not exchanging gifts, what the hell is the point?

I didn't have the luxury when I was a kid. Because this was the annual family photo op day. The women in my family decked out in their finest. And me winding up in some ridiculous get-up that no self-assured five-year-old should ever endure. For instance...

This is the Easter picture during my Bing Crosby period. I don't look happy in this photo. Would you? I look like some old Jewish ex-vaudevillean waiting for a bus on the Grand Concourse. Or one of those Jerry Mahoney dummies. With emphasis on the word "dummy." This is why all children, at some point in time, hate their parents.

To make matters worse, my father was going through his creative period in playing with his prized Argus Technicolor camera.

"Lenny, go stand by that tree and pretend you're looking for something."

Like what? My dignity. That's AWOL. As I look at these photos all over again, I can feel the shirt tightening around my neck one more time. As if I'm being choked by that fucking bowtie. Now, I know why they didn't flinch when I told them I wanted to live at a college that was less than 10 miles from my house. They knew that these pictures existed and there was a price that needed to be paid.

At least, the three of us are captured for posterity in this one. Knowing my mtoher's fashion sense, I have no idea why she's wearing a red dress that clearly clashes with my red sport jacket.

A RED SPORT JACKET! With something in the pocket that might be a handkerchief. What the hell is going on in my life at this juncture??? And, from the twisted expression on my face, I'm pondering that very question at this exact moment. Either that or perhaps I'm the youngest person to ever endure a stroke.

In retrospect, I realize that my dad wore a suit rarely. On Easter or whenever somebody wound up being "stretched out" down at Suchy's Funeral Parlor in the Bronx. From what I see here, he wore the fancier outfits well. I doubt Mom wore this dress to any wakes. On second thought, she might have. It all depends on who it was.

Happy Easter. Time to put on the sweats.

Dinner last night:  Pizza at a house party.

Classic Newsreel of the Month - April 2023

 An Easter newsreel from decades ago that also clicked one of those diversity boxes.

Dinner last night:  Grilled gruyere cheese sandwich with caramelized onions and sun dried tomatoes.

Mugs Are Busting Out All Over

 

"Aw, now what, Grandpa?"

Even Polident comes with those theft sensors.

 At what age should adults stop wearing shirts with cartoon characters?

I said, keep a stiff UPPER lip.

 Well, she's got the right shirt for where she's going.

 I always knew that Eddie Munster was up to no good.

A graduate from the Diana Ross School of Makeup.

And he was the winner......

 Sadly, he probably wanted his hair to look like this.

Somebody apparently did.

 Strangely, he was arresting for possessing a knife.

Held up a tanning salon.  Or maybe he robbed CVS for some Coppertone.

Dinner last night:  Sirloin burger.

Morons of the Month - April 2023

 

How fucking stupid is the city of Chicago?   As it turns out....pretty darn fucking stupid.

They just had a special election for Mayor, given they finally gave the boot to that ugly gnome Lori Lightfoot.   Under her leadership, Chicago accelerated its pace to become the biggest shit hole city in the nation.  Every weekend there are tons of gang shootings.   Little innocent kids killed.   Cars are stolen.  Stores are looted.   

Larceny and lunacy running rampant in the streets.

So they show Lori to the curb and then get a chance to redeem themselves by getting a new head guy.  So what do they do?   They vote in this idiot, Brandon Johnson.  The word is that he's further on the left than Lori.   He is anti-cop and, as a result, is another urban leader who can't wait to dump the criminals out of jail and into your front yard.  But he was backed by the teachers' union and that is an even more delirious group of morons.

Bye, bye, Windy City.

I used to enjoy this town.  I went on several trips, both business and pleasure.  Glorious lake front.   Wonderful food.   Terrific baseball parks.  If I ever set foot in this city again, it will be merely to change planes at O'Hare.

The very last time I was there, a friend and I spontaneously decided to take in a baseball game on the south side in Comiskey Park.   As it would happen, the game went into extra innings and opted to leave early.  I have to tell you that the five block walk we took to the subway was one of the scariest times in my life.

And that was twenty years ago!

It has gotten worse.   And thanks to the morons of Chicago, it's now all doomed to Hell.

Dinner last night: Leftover meat loaf.