Just not this guy's smile...
---This is what happens when you get your teeth cleaned at Jiffy Lube.
---The guy's mouth is so wide that I expect that Alex Kintner boy from Jaws to fall out.
---I'm also betting that there are guys in West Hollywood who would pay to go to dinner with him.
---Speaking of hideous, I was flipping the dials and ran across that new show from Oprah's personal physician, Dr. Oz.
---This guy is so ugly that he literally could scare an illness out of his patients.
---Of course, I should cut the man some slack since he's probably had the misfortune of seeing Oprah naked.
---I can't believe that Dr. Oz actually makes a whole TV show out of common sense.
---"Today, our entire show is devoted to learning how to wash your hands."
---"Today, your thermometer and where to put it."
---"Seat up or seat down? Be part of our studio poll."
---We can't possibly be that dumb of a country, can we?
---Don't answer that.
---Will somebody please finally murder the Phillie Phanatic? The most ridiculous team mascot ever.
---Also the most unclever. The other day, the Phanatic's pre-game shtick was to blow up a dummy with sunglasses and a cell phone. A Dodger fan, get it??
---Meanwhile, the fans there eat up the violence. But, what would you expect? The fanbase is nothing but a meeting of the local steam fitters union.
---Translation: blue collar slobs.
---Am I bitter? You bet your boots.
---I'm always amused by the national television coverage of baseball playoff games. During tense moments, the cameramen love to take shots of fans praying and chewing on their sweaters. Enough.
---Just how old do you have to be before you outgrow the gnawing of your own apparel?
---I have, however, prayed at a baseball game. And I will add that God did not listen.
---I'm also amused by the idiots that show up at playoff games. Fans you haven't seen all year.
---These lunkheads are a dead giveaway. They're the ones who walk into your section and realize that their seats are way over there.
---How hard is it to remember where your seat is? For Pete's sake, the aisles are numbered and the rows are lettered.
---We can't possibly be that dumb of a country, can we?
---Don't answer that.
---At one of the Dodger games last week, the 40 year-old woman on the other side of my row was dressed to the nines and obviously had never been in the park before.
---She saw me keeping score and asked me if I worked for the Dodgers.
---"Yeah, stupid, Dodger officials always sit up in the loge level."
---By the fifth inning and her fourth beer, she didn't give a shit about me. She kept herself busy by trying to pick up the 20 year-old Mexican kid in front of her.
---How do you say "cougar" in Spanish?
---What the hell is a balloon boy anyway? And, whatever it is, I hear it's all a hoax. Please stop waiting my time.
---The health care bill is allegedly over 1500 pages. Which means that's about 1450 pages longer than anything our senators have read before.
---Most are probably using it to prop up the leg of a wobbly table.
---Ladies and gentlemen, we elected them all.
---We can't possibly be that dumb of a country, can we?
---Okay, you can go ahead and answer. I'm done for today.
Dinner last night: Meat ravioli at Maria's Italian Kitchen.
No comments:
Post a Comment