711: THE ISLAMIC CONQUEST OF HISPANIA.
For those who think all the current torture is a new thing for them.
1429: JOAN OF ARC ARRIVES TO RELIEVE THE SIEGE OF ORLEANS.
Joan of Arc for the save.
1770: JAMES COOK ARRIVES AT AND NAMES BOTANY BAY, AUSTRALIA.
And we care why?
1781: DURING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION, BRITISH AND FRENCH SHIPS CLASH OFF THE COAST OF MARTINIQUE.
Well, if you have to travel some place for a war, Martinique is always nice.
1861: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, MARYLAND VOTES NOT TO SECEDE FROM THE UNION.
Go Terrapins!
1862: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, LOUISIANA FALLS TO UNION FORCES.
Hey, with all the great restaurants in New Orleans, that was a smart move on the part of the North.
1882: THE ELEKTROMOTE - THE FORERUNNER OF THE TROLLEYBUS - IS TESTED IN BERLIN.
Change for the express to Munich.
1899: MUSICIAN DUKE ELLINGTON IS BORN.
First stop for the A Train.
1910: THE PARLIAMENT OF THE UNITED KINGDOM PASSES THE PEOPLE'S BUDGET, THE FIRST BUDGET IN BRITISH HISTORY WITH THE EXPRESSED INTENT OF REDISTRIBUTING WEALTH.
For those who thought Roosevelt invented this concept.
1917: ACTRESS CELESTE HOLM IS BORN.
All About Her.
1933: BASEBALL STAR ED CHARLES IS BORN.
The Gilder!!!
1933: POET ROD MCKUEN IS BORN.
There once was a hermit named Dave...
1933: MUSICIAN WILLIE NELSON IS BORN.
With or without a beard? Discuss.
1938: BUSINESSMAN BERNARD MADOFF IS BORN.
Play Happy Birthday by banging your cup on the cell bars.
1945: THE DACHAU CONCENTRATION CAMP IS LIBERATED BY US TROOPS.
A trifle late.
1945: DURING WORLD WAR II, THE GERMAN ARMY SURRENDERS TO THE ALLIES.
One way train tickets to Nuremberg now available.
1945: ADOLF HITLER MARRIES EVA BRAUN IN A BERLIN BUNKER.
Don't bother finding out where they registered. They kill themselves the very next day.
1946: FATHER DIVINE, A RELIGIOUS LEADER CLAIMING TO BE GOD, MARRIES THE MUCH YOUNGER EDNA ROSE RITCHINGS.
God help her.
1953: THE FIRST US EXPERIMENTAL 3D TV BROADCAST SHOWS AN EPISODE OF SPACE PATROL IN LOS ANGELES.
Those damn glasses still don't work.
1954: COMIC JERRY SEINFELD IS BORN.
Who are these people?
1958: ACTRESS EVE PLUMB IS BORN.
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.
1967: AFTER REFUSING INDUCTION INTO THE US ARMY FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS, MUHAMMAD ALI IS STRIPPED OF HIS BOXING TITLE.
Muhammad, my ass.
1968: THE HIPPIE MUSICAL HAIR OPENS ON BROADWAY.
Gee, those actors look cold up there on stage.
1974: PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON ANNOUNCES THE RELEASE OF EDITED TRANSCRIPTS OF WHITE HOUSE TAPE RECORDINGS RELATING TO THE WATERGATE SCANDAL.
Anybody know who's got the Director's cut?
1980: DIRECTOR ALFRED HITCHCOCK DIES.
Did I just see a wry smile on the face of Tippi Hedren?
1986: A FIRE AT THE CENTRAL LIBRARY OF LOS ANGELES DESTROYS 400,000 BOOKS.
Of course, no one was hurt because nobody goes to the Library in Los Angeles.
1986: AMERICAN AND EUROPEAN SPY SATELLITES CAPTURE THE RUINS OF THE REACTOR AT THE CHERNOBYL POWER PLANT.
That's gonna be a bitch to clean up.
1992: RIOTS IN LOS ANGELES FOLLOWING THE ACQUITTAL OF POLICE OFFICERS CHARGED IN THE BEATING OF RODNEY KING.
Safest store to be in during these lootings? A Barnes and Noble.
2004: OLDSMOBILE BUILDS ITS FINAL CAR ENDING 107 YEARS OF PRODUCTION.
I once rented an Oldsmobile and I know exactly why they went out of business. What a shitty car.
2011: THE WEDDING OF PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON.
I didn't get an invitation. A royal screw-up.
2014: ACTOR BOB HOSKINS DIES.
Roger Rabbit delivers the eulogy.
2015: A BASEBALL GAME BETWEEN THE BALTIMORE ORIOLES AND THE CHICAGO WHITE SOX IS PLAYED IN FRONT OF NO FANS DUE TO THE BALTIMORE RIOTS AND THE GAME BEING CLOSED TO THE PUBLIC.
So, what's the Mets' excuse?
Dinner last night: Steak salad.
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