The Blenders

More trainwreck entertainment. Last week, as I was trolling the American Life TV network waiting for reruns of "Lou Grant" and "St. Elsewhere," I ran into The Blenders.

Who?

The Blenders.

Who?

The Blenders.

Okay, I'll stop. You may have never heard of them, but you can't avoid them if you watch this cable network. Because their commercial runs almost as much as some of the other low rent advertisers. There is this medicine you spray in your dog's dish that will alleviate the pet's arthritis. And, of course, there are not two, but three, different powerized wheelchairs on the market.

And just in time for the holiday season...the Blenders' Two CD Christmas song collection.

Who the hell are these guys? Well, an internet search will tell you that they are a singing group from Minneapolis. My guess is that, if you ever attended a wedding or a bar mitzvah in the Twin Cities, you already have a copy of their brochure. They apparently have won a local Emmy Award, which is probably the equivalent of Ted Baxter getting one of those Teddy Awards. These guys harmonize and they all look like a sanitized version of those greasers who used to gather around a fire in some trash can.

On their Christmas collection, they sing it all. Silent Night. Frosty the Snowman. Feliz Navidad. You name it. And, despite the disparity in those song styles, you will easily see from the commercial that everything the Blenders do sounds exactly the same. You might as well be hearing O Come All Ye Faithful in Yiddish. You will not be able to tell the difference. It is indeed all blended. Into nothing. Take a look for yourself.

It's elevator music dressed in four tuxedoes. The sound is akin to the hum of an overhead flourescent bulb that is just about to go out. I listened to two songs and I was almost asleep. This is a walking and talking dose of Halcion. If they're that popular in Minnesota, I can only assume that lots of snow over long periods of time can affect your hearing.

You're better off ordering the dog's arthritis medicine to see if it works on your big toe.

Dinner last night: The gingerbread cookie on the flight back to LaGuardia from Dallas.