It's Wednesday Calling

It's me. From wherever the hell I am today. Actually, I am posting this from a business center in a Frisco, Texas hotel.

---My flight to NY was amazing. Landed at JFK an hour early. Tantamount to hitting a jackpot with the weekly Lotto.

---Which means I must have a real doozy of a flight coming very soon. The law of sub-averages.

---The only bump on the inbound to JFK was the knucklehead sitting next to me. Please sign up for those Armrest Etiquette classes immediately!

---Amidst the flurries, I drove past the Mets' new Shitty Field, which is almost structurally complete.

---And it made me realize that I have just one more year to enjoy Shea Stadium. Cracked plaster, broken seats, and the sheer glory of it all.

---I have been engaged to write an article on my history as a Saturday ticket plan holder for an upcoming publication about Shea Stadium. I just know it won't have a happy ending.

---If I get kicked out of the new place, my Dodger allegiance will be complete. There will be a baptism in center field. Lasorda has agreed to officiate.

---Speaking of the Dodgers, their acquisition of Andruw Jones has taken away one of my favorite razzes whenever the Braves came town.

---"Hey, how about running that first name through Spellcheck?"

---On my holiday visit to the dead relatives at Ferncliff Cemetary in Hartsdale, I was startled to see a bunch of senior citizens powerwalking through the place.

---Boy, some people will do anything to avoid the shipping costs.

---Plus I noticed some Hollywood-like klieg lights all over the place. Somebody doing a red carpet at a funeral?

---I can see it now. You're there to bury Aunt Bertha and you're stopped by Joan and Melissa Rivers.

---"So, what was she wearing?"

---Memo to John Edwards: if you're going to keep coming out to make snide comments about Oprah Winfrey, I may just have to vote for you.

---Finally, somebody has the guts to expose this pagan for the fraud she is. Don't tell me about all the great things she does for mankind. The only person she is truly serving is herself.

---If you think I'm being a little harsh about my description of Her Majesty, go ahead and put a handful of carrots in front of her mouth and watch what happens.

---It's noteworthy that the first time she comes out to stump for a Presidential candidate, he is African-American. How does that happen???

---And, on the other side of the horse's ass, we have heard just about enough of those deplorable Evangelicals who want to keep infusing God into politics.

---Why is it that these numbskulls keep setting themselves up as the messengers of God's love, but there are so many people they don't tolerate?

---None of them have a prayer. Literally.

---Rhetorical question: is it more acceptable to marry someone of the same sex or your own cousin?

---What's the worse that could happen if Mormon Mitt Romney becomes President? Secretary of State Donny Osmond?

---Rockefeller Center has once again turned into one giant shopping mall in Nebraska. When I blew through there last Saturday for a gander at the tree, I never saw so many people buying gift cards to Applebee's.

---I was also appalled to see that Radio City Music Hall had actually erected a covering to protect people staying in line for that faux Christmas show of theirs.

---When I was a kid, we stood in line in the rain, the snow, the sleet, and the wind. And still got more for our money than they do today.

---Saturday was apparently a good day to burglarize assisted living facilities in the tri-state area. They were all in the middle of 50th Street.

---Another rhetorical question: is there somebody in this world who makes their living by cutting out a hole in yellow tennis balls so they can be affixed to those walkers?

---And today, I am in Texas. Home on the range. Where seldom is heard an intelligent word. And the minds are so muddled all day.

Dinner last night: Steak and lobster at Silver Fox Steakhouse in Frisco, Texas.