Sham Wow Wednesday

No, allow me to be the one that cleans up the mess. Are you following me, camera guy?

---Like the previously maligned Snuggie, here's another rip-off product sold by an absolute nutjob.

---Sham is a good word for it. This is, pure and simple, a fucking rag.

---You got a spill? Just use an old T-shirt or a sock with a hole in it.

---They say this cloth can absorb up to 12 times its own weight. And I know people who do the same thing every time they sit down at the dinner table.

---Why does this guy wear a headphone? Like he is in so much demand? Or perhaps it's acting like one of those electronic track devices they strap on your ankle at the local prison?

---You just know this guy beat up other kids in gym class.

---They tell you this is only available if you call now.

---Except you can go to Bed, Bath and Beyond and find all this TV-only junk for about ten bucks less.

---The stores have them all. Snuggies. Hair removers. Kinoki pads. And that colon cleaner sold by that other creepy guy.

---By the way, if your body is holding back about 12 pounds of crap, you obviously have a blockage or a tumor.

---Which cannot be removed by drinking these magical flavor crystals.

---I would, however, like to take a Sham Wow cloth to Washington and clean up the sewage spills there.

---Rhetorical question: do Jewish people support the stimulus package since it’s loaded with pork?

---The great healer, President Obama, stayed in the center about as long as a Little Leaguer would last against Sandy Koufax.

---At the first chance he got, he let those two radical screwballs, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, run amuck.

---You heard it here in this blog months ago: Pelosi is the most dangerous person in America.

---During his campaign, Obama told America that they would get at least five days to review new legislation.

---Uh-huh. And the stimulus package was voted on so quickly that it took most Congressional members longer to get their order at the Burger King drive-up window.

---I had more time to read my birthday cards last week. Probably had more substance in them anyway.

---And then Pelosi hightailed it to Rome for a meeting with the Pope, as if he has anything useful to say.

---Flew there on airfare we provided, no doubt.

---Okay, I’ll be the first.

---Impeach Obama!

---President Biden? Er, never mind.

---Actually, I'd like to keep Barack around to see how the dog turns out.

---I'm talking about the kids' pet, not the wife.

---With all these furloughs for government workers, postal service might get cut to five days.

---Which prompted this ridiculous comment from some moron interviewed at a local mall.

---“I don’t mind that there won’t be any Saturday mail delivery. I get too many bills anyway.”

---Hey, asshole! The bills will just show up on Friday or Monday.

---I bet this idiot also ordered some Sham Wows.

---And a Snuggie.

---And is trying to get about forty pounds of doody unclogged from his colon.

---Through Sitemeter, I learned that this blog had its first international hit yesterday. From some unsuspecting schlub in the Netherlands.

---I feel like I'm now the face of America.

---Oh, shut up. You could do a lot worse.

Dinner last night: Tomato soup.