Let a Wednesday Be Your Umbrella

Nothing but dry wit here.

---"Hi, this is Michael Jackson. Am I in my grave yet?"

---Have you caught Larry King's nightly snoozefest on CNN lately? He devotes every single show to the now fizzless King of Pop.

---Larry continues to keep his finger on the pulse of America. And totally disregards the fact that most of us are done with this nonsense.

---Larry King Live should now be called Michael Jackson Dead.

---"Tonight, Michael's Love of Socks and Why He Always Preferred Goldtoe."

---"Tonight, Was Michael Jackson Going to the Next Celebrity Endorser of Jenny Craig. We Have the Inside Story."

---"Tonight, Those Bruises on Michael's Arm. Were They From Needles or Was He Simply Clumsy?"

---Meanwhile, Larry pops Old Man Jackson on and here's somebody who needs to be ignored every single Father's Day. The guy's made a fortune the last month and I bet he's still collecting food stamps.

---Once again, my dad had an expression for somebody like Daddy Dearest.

---"Stupid N&^$er."

---Great line from a talk radio show: Sonia Sotamayor is nothing but Ruth Bader Ginsburg plus fifty pounds.

---She'll get the Supreme Court gig but she did nothing to warrant it in her hearings. She apparently thinks there's a law on the books that prevents the use of complete sentences.

---The only definitive thing she said all week was that you can pick up the Dyre Avenue subway near Cardinal Spellman High School.

---Trust me, I have no issue with a Hispanic woman on the Supreme Court. As a matter of fact, after listening to Sotamayor, I have an alternative choice.

---My cleaning lady. Very thorough and her vocabulary has greatly expanded in the seven years she's worked for me.

---And she's got a friend, so we can replace that decrepit mess Ginsburg at the same time, since Ruth's looking like her bags are down in the hotel lobby, too.

---No matter how you slice it, the Supreme Court remains our country's biggest joke.

---Apparently, the economic stimulus plan was a killer for our nation's pigs. As details show that millions of dollars were spent to supply ham to soap kitchens.

---The government spent over $1.00 per pound for ham. Meanwhile, you can get it for 79 cents per pound at Costco.

---I never trust a Presidential administration that doesn't know how to comparison shop in a super market.

---First, we bail out General Motors. But who knew that Hormel was in such bad shape?

---On the All Star Game broadcast last week, lifelong White Sox fan President Urkel kept calling their home field "Cominsky" Park.

---Maybe that's' where the White Sox played when they were in Soviet Russia.

---And he would know.

---Everytime I hear Nancy Pelosi speak, I wonder who put the cat in the Cuisinart.

---From the Microcosm Department: Obama's Healthcare Plan and the New York Mets medical staff.

---If you're on the Mets and the doctor tells you that you might miss tomorrow's game, don't expect to play again until 2010.

---If Obama tells you that you won't lose your health insurance on his watch, don't expect to live past 2010.

---Los Angeles has made a new stipulation. Moving forward, households are only allowed to have one rooster.

---Well, my neighbor can have two since I don't have one.

---How much can I get for selling my rights to owning one rooster?

---By the way, I won't accept payment in pesos.

---I don't have any friends who own roosters. What the hell is wrong with me?

---Trying to save money on its 26 billion dollar deficit, the state of California is going to release 27,000 convicts early.

---Now I'm convinced that I will show up at Dodger Stadium and find Sirhan Sirhan and Charles Manson sharing some Dodger Dogs and a couple of brewskis.

I'm done for today. We may all be done forever.

Dinner last night: Grilled ham and salad.