If I Tweeted - August 2011

I don't.  But, if I did this month, you might have read...

#LenSpeaks  Morgan Freeman said that, if he had the chance, he would vote for Obama 1,000 times.  If Morgan Freeman moved to Chicago, he probably could.

#LenSpeaks  Osama bin Laden is officially dead.  Which means that he is also eligible to vote in Chicago.

#LenSpeaks  Most of the people in flash mobs can't read flash cards.

#LenSpeaks  Michelle Bachmann saluted Elvis Presley's birthday except it was the anniversary of his death.  Umm, hammer, nail, lid, Presidential aspirations.

#LenSpeaks  Obama is going to announce his jobs program in September.  And the first item on the agenda is how he keeps his.

#LenSpeaks  Earthquake near DC!!!  That's one way to get Washington moving.  Too bad everybody was on vacation.

#LenSpeaks  They looked and the earthquake caused no structural damage to Citizens Bank Park.  Too bad.

#LenSpeaks  It's fun to watch my East Coast friends freak out because the earth is moving.  Didn't Carole King give you enough warning?

#LenSpeaks  I guess it could be worse.  I mean, Tony LaRussa could be the President.

#LenSpeaks  Congresswoman/hack Maxine Waters says the Tea Party can go to Hell.  Since she represents South Central LA, one might argue she is already there.

#LenSpeaks  Is it too late for this suggestion?  Bigmouth Maxine to star in "The Help 2."

#LenSpeaks  Jerry Lewis got bounced from his own telethon.  I guess he really is walking alone.

#LenSpeaks  No, wait!  Jerry Lewis has been reinstated.  There are handicapped kids after all.

#LenSpeaks  New show idea:  "The Real Housewives of Tripoli."

#LenSpeaks  Which is nothing more than the Marines' song.  "From the hall of Montezuma to the whores of Tripoli."

#LenSpeaks  I was very unimpressed with the new cast for "Dancing with the Stars" until I realized it was a list of Republican Presidential candidates.

#LenSpeaks  "The Help" is not playing at my local theater on Thursdays.

#LenSpeaks  Was that an earthquake in Washington DC or simply a Harry Reid bowel movement?

#LenSpeaks  When the earthquake hit in NY, I saw way too many tweets about Carole King and the earth moving under her feet.  Oh, wait, I just mentioned that myself.

#LenSpeaks  I had to take a state-mandated sexual harassment course.  Now I'm an expert so now I need to find an assistant to try it out on.

#LenSpeaks  A hurricane blew through the Northeast.  Time to buy Home Depot stock.

#LenSpeaks  The difference with Hurricane Irene is that the people in charge in those cities were smart enough to prepare ahead of time.  And, then, there was New Orleans...

#LenSpeaks  After Hurricane Katrina, Best Buys in New Orleans had their best month ever.

#LenSpeaks  Rhetorical question: how do the Amish know if their power is out?

#LenSpeaks  As it turned out, the storm was hyped way too much.  Just a lot of rain, a lot of wind, and, now after people cleaned out super market shelves, an awful lot of white bread that nobody will eat.

#LenSpeaks  Experts predict that the bird flu is coming back.  That means that those who really do tweet should stop.

Dinner last night:  Antipasto salad.