Who Says I Won't Go to a Mainstream Movie???

Okay, I have grown into a bit of a movie snob.  I consider myself way above most of the junk that opens every Friday at the multiplex.  If a movie is mainstream and targeted for the video-game-brain-fried 20-year-old male, you can count me out. 

Oh, every once in a while, I will get sucked into the hype for one reason or another.  The last time was several years back when I got talked into seeing the new incarnation of Sherlock Holmes as portrayed by Robert Downey Jr..  I learned a lesson that night.  This movie was so criminally bad that I wanted to engage a personal injury attorney by the end of the third reel.  Surely, there's a way to litigate and get my money back?

So, that's why most of the cinematic crap these days hardly gets my attention.

None of this explains why I went to see "Captain America - The First Avenger" last weekend.  Was it mind control from some sinister and unexplained force?  A brief moment of amnesia caused by a missed dosage of medication?  Was I trying to make a personal statement by purposely avoiding the opening weekend of "The Help?"

Check "none of the above."

I simply wanted to go out and enjoy a mindless movie on a summer's evening.

Hey, I like to be entertained just like the next guy.  And, sometimes, the months of July and August are perfect for you to enjoy some action and fun at the local moviehouse.  I can reel off some great hot weather flicks that I have eaten up in the past.

"Die Hard."

"Raiders of the Lost Ark."

"Jaws."

"Jurassic Park."

"Apollo 13."

All terrific.  All wonderful escapism.

All made before the year 2000 when Hollywood's ability to make a decent summer movie disappeared for eternity.

None of this is to say that "Captain America" is a bad movie.  It's not, really.  It's just not a terribly good one as far as the genre goes.  It certainly held my interest, but, then again, so does the Home Shopping Network if it's selling any of Suzanne Somers' products.  Translation: that's not good television and "Captain America" is not good movie making.

Of all the films I mentioned above, there is a common thread that runs through all of them that is incredibly missing in "Captain America" and any of the other shit that Hollywood has released in recent summers past.

A sense of humor.

More importantly, a clever script that will naturally include...

A sense of humor,

"Captain America" is an ideal example of a summer movie that needed a script which didn't take itself too seriously.  There is a lack of whimsy and you discover early on that the actors and filmmakers involved don't realize that they are not creating a piece of art for the ages.  Nobody's going to remember a single frame of "Captain America" five years from now.  But, with a film like this, that shouldn't be important.  You want to smile now at the very moment you are seeing it.   It's nothing but frozen pizza.  Hardly nutritious but you desperately want it to hit the spot right now. 

"Captain America," like so many summer movies of the past decade, doesn't do that.

Admittedly, I'm not a super hero geek.  The only action comic book I used to read was Superman and those movies with Christopher Reeve are another prime example of action flicks that didn't take themselves too seriously.  I did know enough of the Captain America backstory which was rooted in the annals of fighting Nazis during World War II.  And that all showed up loud and clear in this movie.  But, somewhere, things go awry.  Starting with the words on page 1 of the script.

If ever a plot needed a tongue-in-cheek approach, this was it.  I'm not advocating a pure Nazi assault the likes of which Mel Brooks would enjoy.  But, something that we could chuckle at, please.  "Captain America" has one misfire after another and sounded very much like my father's old Buick after he left outside during a blizzard.  Yeah, that car never started and neither does this movie.

There's some nonsense about a magic power that is harnessed in some crystal version of a Rubik's Cube.  This big Nazi guy wants it and plans to use it to even beat his own Fuhrer.  Enter some scrawny kid who goes into an electronic capsule and is suddenly transformed into Jack LaLanne.  Either that or the dude somehow got into Manny Ramirez' medicine cabinet. 

Captain America winds up with a super weapon, which is nothing more than a galvanized manhole cover dressed up with patriotic colors.  Our hero flings it around like Oddjob threw his derby about in "Goldfinger" and, whoops, there's one more example of a fun summer movie.  By the end of this film, lots of stuff blows up, the villains die, and I still haven't cracked a smile once.

You sit through the ten-minute-long closing credits which apparently lists everybody in the Burbank, California phone book and then find the teaser/tag for a sneak preview of Captain America's next appearance where he allegedly will match up with Robert Downey Jr.'s Iron Man and perhaps even Nancy Pelosi.  It appears that the always incredibly annoying Samuel L. Jackson has a major part in the sequel and that just might be enough for me to check out of this burgeoning new franchise for good. 

"Captain America - The First Avenger" made oodles of money and will likely spawn about fifteen or sixteen follow-up movies.  A rousing success for Hollywood.

And major disappointment for some of us who will simply turn up our living room air conditioners and pop "Jaws" into our Blu-Ray players.

Dinner last night:  Pepperoni pizza at Maria's Italian Kitchen.