Regular readers might remember the torture I went through with regard to satellite radio when I leased the Highlander Hybrid three years ago. Okay, this was not Sirius' issue. Longo Toyota had incorrectly told me that satellite radio could be effectively installed in my car. Er, no. After several months of haggling, they finally figured out how to rectify their error. They loaded my car with a remote Sirius unit that was rigged to one of the beverage cups and looked like what ET used to phone home. Still, it worked.
Better still, I swore off terrestrial radio for life. Save for some AM talk stations and baseball play-by-play, I was a completely Sirius listener.
Three years later, I am told by Longo Toyota that there would be no drama in 2012. Satellite radio IS built into the dashboards of all Toyota Highlanders. And, so it was. Plus I am told that I get the first three months free, despite the fact that I have already pre-paid for my subscription about three decades into the future.
So, the first thing I do when I arrive home with the new vehicle is call Sirius and make sure everything in my account transfers over seamlessly, including the fact that I have now pre-paid till about 2021. In the past, I have never had an issue getting connected to their customer service.
A ten minute wait till the next operator will be happy to help me.
Uh-oh.
The wait was even longer as somebody's lunch/dinner was being eaten. I remembered that, in the past, every call to Sirius was clearly picked up by somebody who spoke very clear and concise English.
"A-llo. This is Sirius/XM. May I have your first name please?"
I detected a lot more than an accent. I could hear a typhoon happening in another hemisphere. Except the way this country is now importing folks, I might have been talking to somebody in Akron, Ohio.
I stated what I needed to do. Transfer my Sirius account to one car from another. Oh, and make sure it syncs up to my Sirius internet on-line account and tabletop radio.
You would think I asked her to solve the tension in the Middle East.
She never quite understood what I was talking about. And then she would do the most bizarre thing. She would ask me a question and then pause for my answer. As soon as I started to talk, she would speak right over me. Hello? Is this how common dialogue is performed in your part of the world??
Fifteen minutes morphed into a half hour. If this took any longer, we would be approaching the onset of monsoon season.
A five o'clock shadow later, we were done. And she wanted to summarize the entire call for a third time.
Oh, God, no. I was looking to hook up my satellite radio, not get married.
Since all my energy has been completely sapped by this fool, I got into the car to go for a sandwich. While out and parked on a safe street, I decided to perform all my satellite radio pre-sets. Except....
Where's Channel 100 and 101? Specifically the Howard Stern stations.
Okay, let me backtrack. I did not get Sirius for access to Howard. Even thought I have discovered that the shock jock has gotten completely irrelevant over the past five years, I will confess to listening in for small snippets from time to time. Suddenly, I did not have him anymore.
Armed with my proscuitto on French baquette, I returned home and regretted my immediate future. Another call to Sirius.
This time, a fifteen minute wait till the next operator would be happy to help me.
But, eureka, I connected with an American. Or at least one that sounded like one.
The first bozo, while transferring my account, had neglected to tell me was that the radio in my new car was XM-based and not Sirius. And, while they are technically one company, I was now shifted to XM. So, I moved, mid-wedding, from the bride's side of the family to the groom's.
And how do I get back my access to Howard Stern?
"Well, you can't at the present time."
Huh?
Now, was Howard Stern a critical piece of my radio puzzle? Umm, not really. Especially when my new XM subscriber status gives me radio broadcasts of Major League Baseball games all over the country. I could literally listen to the Mets on WFAN in New York while tooling down Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles. But, since they had already put me through the meat grinder already, I wanted to play out the scene and see what kind of hamburger I could be turned into.
I played the Howard card. Over and over and over. How dare you do this to me when I signed onto Sirius for the express purpose of listening to Howard Stern?
I must have been convincing. The guy on the other end told me to hold on.
For thirteen minutes.
When he returned to my fold, he offered me something called premiere service. All channels. Regardless of whether I am XM or Sirius.
Well, why did you do this in the first place? I wanted to ask, but didn't.
Meanwhile, two days later, I am playing with my car radio and I still don't see the Howard Stern channels. And, as soon as I can block out a day or two of my time, I will call them back to get this fixed. Again.
Dinner last night: Grilled ham steak and salad.
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