If I Tweeted - May 2012

I don't, thank the Lord.  But, if I did, this would have been on my mind this past month.

#LenSpeaks  At the Dodger game last Sunday, the Nationals had somebody named Tyler Moore batting sixth and Bryce Harper batting seventh. Yes, I popped off more than a couple of Mary and Rhoda references.

#LenSpeaks   Vin Scully is amazing.  I learned something new from him every night.  I had no clue that Barry Zito's uncle is Patrick Duffy from "Dallas."

#LenSpeaks  P.S., Dodger Stadium now features black and white cookies.  Or is that racist???

#LenSpeaks  Saw my first Magic Johnson t-shirt at Dodger Stadium.  The only problem was that his son was wearing it.

#LenSpeaks  Barack Obama, America's Entertainer-In-Chief, tied up traffic again in Los Angeles when he went to George Clooney's house for a $35,000-a-plate fundraiser.  Lots of those hated one-percenters showed up.

#LenSpeaks  Barbra Streisand showed up as well.  To feed her, that would be $70,000.

#LenSpeaks  When I now hear her sing "The Way We Were," I am remembering her with about 100 pounds less.

#LenSpeaks  The President now sees nothing wrong with gay marriage.  Two days after he said he was against it.  Just who did he meet in a Hollywood mens rooms and how was it?

#LenSpeaks  It's hilarious that homosexuals went so gaga over Obama's gay announcement.  Not realizing that he's just looking at them all as nothing but votes.

#LenSpeaks  Went to Disneyland on a Thursday afternoon early in May.  It was loaded with families.   I have one word for all of them.  School?????

#LenSpeaks  A quick way to develop claustrophobia?   Take that Nemo submarine ride at Disneyland.  I now can sympathize with a tuna.

#LenSpeaks  I hear about all the economy woes and then I look around at all the crowds at Disneyland coming in for $80 or $90 a head.  I call "bullshit."

#LenSpeaks  Hands down, Joe Biden is the dumbest vice president we have had.  And, yes, I am including Dan Quayle in that competition.

#LenSpeaks  Biden reminds me of that uncle you must endure at holiday dinners.  Making no sense and emitting all those awful "old man smells."

#LenSpeaks  Speaking of which, now that the Dodger ownership has changed, Larry King has returned to Chavez Ravine.  Just in case you were wondering why Field Level Section 5 smelled like moth balls.

#LenSpeaks  New York police may have finally solved the little Etan Patz case.   That's funny.  When nobody could find the kid, I just assumed he was working in the William Morris mailroom.

#LenSpeaks   I love all these asshole politicians who talk about the environment and "going green."  Meanwhile, they flood our mailboxes with their re-election literature.  Killing trees so they can keep their jobs.

#LenSpeaks  My retaliation on all that garbage?  I don't reccycle it.  I throw it in the good old fashioned waste paper basket.  Ha!

#LenSpeaks  I did not watch American Idol this season until the very end.  Is this still a singing competition?  You could fool me.

#LenSpeaks  This year's winner, Phillip Phillips, has a fitting name.  When he sings, he looks like he needs some milk of magnesia.

#LenSpeaks  They dragged out Chaka Khan on the Idol finale.  She seems to have sobered up.  I remember when they had to hang her up on a coat hook so she could pose for pictures.

#LenSpeaks  If it's possible, Steven Tyler's plastic surgery is even worse than Joan Rivers.

#LenSpeaks  My nominee for Mystery Talent this month?  Jennifer Lopez.  As far as the use-o-meter goes, hers is on empty.

#LenSpeaks  Donna Summer RIP.  It really was the last dance.

#LenSpeaks  A bad week for disco.  Robin Gibbs RIP.  Staying alive?  Er, not so much.

#LenSpeaks  Over the Memorial Day weekend, 40 people were killed in gunfire in the city of Chicago.  Most of them on the south side.  Obama's former area of political control.  Your honor, the prosecution rests.

#LenSpeaks  Now that's what I call good community organizing.  Meanwhile, you get no comment from the President on this news.

#LenSpeaks  No, I did not buy stock in Facebook.  I am quite comfortable with my ongoing investment in McDonalds.  Social networks come and go.  Obesity lives forever.

Dinner last night:  Chicken salad sandwich and salad.