Thursday, January 28, 2016

New Service Provided By Yours Truly

It is award season in Hollywood.   And lots of chatter about people not going to the Oscars as part of a boycott.

Um, I'll go.   All you have to do is invite me.

And that brings up my newest business model.

"Len's Plus One."

Yep, this is ideal for the award presentation goer who might be having relationship issues.   In the midst of divorce proceedings.   Or perhaps the significant other can't exactly handle more than one dirty martini in public.

No fuss, no muss.   Let me be your Plus One.

While not exactly George Clooney, I do clean up well and I don't have to wear a lot of product in my hair.   I can qualify for a variety of different age groups depending upon just where I am in my haircut cycle.  With the recent weight loss, I can fit into a nicely tailored tux and can go with or without bow tie.

I can walk very nonchalantly and quietly down the red carpet.   I'll gladly stand off to the side while you kibitz with Kathy Griffin or Matt Lauer.  My palms don't get very sweaty so, if required, a very brief hand holding moment won't be devastating for you.

Inside the award show you are attending, I also have some advantages.   I can generally eat most non-seafood appetizers at the pre-show without soiling my clothing.  I also will refrain from drinking so I won't be running out to the men's room during commercial breaks, leaving you to be stuck with some nobody from SAG acting as a seat filler for the night.

Tell me who you are particularly rooting for that evening and I can be extra-supportive.  If you are nominated and do win, a kiss on your way up to the podium is optional and totally up to you at no extra charge.  I will gladly participate in any standing ovation that you do, although I will not effusively applaud for any one associated with a Kardashian TV production.

At the after party, I can be as helpful as you want.   I will gladly stand in the background while you schmooze with Steven Spielberg or that TV showrunner you are trying to impress.  And, for those moments when you are stuck in a conversation that you don't want to be in, I will be very happy to work up some body language code system.   Just wave your pinky and I'll be over to say, "Honey, we have to go."

Frankly, I offer the best Plus One service in Hollywood and can adapt to your needs at a moment's notice.   Feel free to contact me as my availability may go fast.  And this offer goes out to both women and men.   The latter, however, will be subject to premium rates and an additional surcharge.

Well, what are you waiting for?   The SAG Awards are this weekend.

Dinner last night:  Leftover bratwurst and peppers.

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