Friday, April 21, 2017

Your Weekend Movie Guide for April 2017

Back in the day, the holidays meant a trip to see what Radio City Music Hall had as their main attraction.   Sixty years ago during Easter week, the movie was "Funny Face."  I assume there were lines around the block.

This Easter at the multiplex, will there be lines?  I doubt it as Hollywood saves their big stuff for the upcoming summer season.  You know the drill, guys.  I'll zip through the movie pages of the LA Times and give you my gut reaction to the garbage being dumped at our cinematic feet.  

Oh, if we could only see "The Glory of Easter" one more time...

Gifted:  I hear good buzz on this tale of a super smart girl.   Did she end up working for NASA?

Their Finest:  A comedy about London during the bombing of 1940.  Well, I guess somebody found it funny.

Colossal:   I guess it's big.

All These Sleepless Nights:   For anybody who voted for Hillary.

Get Out:   I've heard good things.   No longer does that automatically get me into the theater.

Going In Style:   A remake from the late 70s.  Is it better?  Probably not given the participation of Michael Caine, Alan Arkin, and Morgan Freeman who will do any script at any time.

Ghost in the Shell:  I doubt this is about Casper.

The Zookeeper's Wife:  Well, somebody's got to be married to him.

T2 Trainspotting:  A sequel from a film made over 20 years ago.   Talk about slow development.

Beauty and the Beast:   It's made a gazillion dollars because people just love the original cartoon.   Shot for shot, the live action is the same movie.  So how come it's a half hour longer?

Personal Shopper:  Been out for weeks and I still have no idea what this is.

Wilson:  Woody Harrelson stars and I don't think it's a remake about President Woodrow Wilson.

The Boss Baby:  Alec Baldwin voices in a cartoon about...oh, who am I kidding?  I was out at Alec Baldwin.

Norman - The Rise and Fall of a New York Fixer:  It stars Richard Gere as a guy who once did a favor for the prime minister of Israel.   If you insist.

My Entire High School is Sinking Into the Sea:  I wish.

Tommy's Honour:  About father-son golfers.....zzzzzzz.

Truman:   And I doubt this is about Harry S.

The Outcasts:  All about uncool kids.   If they are so uncool, how do they get their own movie?

The Fate of The Furious:   Number 123 in a series.

Little Boxes:  A bi-racial family from NY moves to a small town.  Which reminds me...there were no Black people in Mayberry.

The Lost City of Z:   I'm sorry I missed the Lost City of X and Y.

The Mason Brothers:   It's not a documentary about the guys who make all those jars.

Smurfs - The Lost Village:   Why is anybody looking for it?

CHIPS:  Because Hollywood is completely devoid of original ideas.

Life:   A cereal.   And a board game.

Logan:   You like Hugh Jackman?  You go.

Unforgettable:  Sorry, you Nat King or Natalie Cole fans, it ain't about them.

Let It Fall - Los Angeles 1982-92:  A documentary about the decade leading up to the Rodney King verdict.  See it nightly before the 7PM curfew.  It's playing in theaters, but you should also know that ABC-TV is telecasting it tonight.

Karl Marx City:  A documentary about most major metropolises in America.

A Night Without Armor:  A police captain and a pediatric nurse talk about their lives.   Sounds well meaning but dull.

Phoenix Forgotten:  Done.

The Promise:  Christian Bale in a drama about the Ottoman Empire.   And the sheer mention of that conjures up all bad memories from 10th grade World History.

A Quiet Passion:   Cynthia Nixon in a drama about Emily Dickinson.  And the sheer mention of that conjures up all bad memories from 11th grade English.

Free Fire:  About when Boston was violent in the 70s.   Seriously?  I thought all they cared about was Bucky Fucking Dent's homerun in 1978.

Dinner last night:  Meat loaf and broccoli.

No comments: