38 BC: OCTAVIAN DIVORCES HIS WIFE SCRIBONIA AND MARRIES LIVIA DRUSILLA, ENDING THE FRAGILE PEACE BETWEEN THE SECOND TRIUMVIRATE AND SEXTUS POMPEY.
I want to know more about this Sextus thing.
395: UPON THE DEATH OF EMPEROR THEODOSIUS I, THE ROMAN EMPIRE IS PERMANENTLY DIVIDED INTO THE EASTERN ROMAN EMPIRE UNDER ARCADIUS.
At the Arcadius, can you play Pacmanius?
1524: GIOVANNI DA VERRAZZANO SETS SAIL WESTWARD FROM MADEIRA TO FIND A SEA ROUTE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
So how come the bridge goes to Staten Island?
1608: EMPEROR SUSENYOS I OF ETHIOPIA SURPRISES AN OROMO ARMY AT EBERNAT. HIS ARMY REPORTEDLY KILLS 12,000 AT THE COST OF 400 OF HIS MEN.
12,000 to 400? That's like a New York Giants score this past season.
1773: CAPTAIN JAMES COOK COMMANDS THE FIRST EXPEDITION TO SAIL SOUTH OF THE ANTARCTIC CIRCLE.
You know it's going to be cold there?
1799: MALTESE PATRIOT DUN MIKIEL XERRI AND OTHER PATRIOTS ARE EXECUTED.
Somehow Tom Brady got away.
1880: FILM PRODUCER MACK SENNETT IS BORN.
Hit somebody in the face with a pie.
1885: A BRITISH FORCE DEFEATS A LARGE DERVISH ARMY IN THE SUDAN.
Those Dervish were sent whirling.
1899: THE UNITED STATES TAKES POSSESSION OF WAKE ISLAND IN THE PACIFIC.
World War II battle to follow.
1899: MOBSTER AL CAPONE IS BORN.
Chicago gun battle to follow.
1904: CHEKHOV'S "THE CHERRY ORCHARD" RECEIVES ITS PREMIERE PERFORMANCE AT THE MOSCOW ART THEATER.
Book report to follow.
1912: CAPTAIN ROBERT FALCON SCOTT REACHES THE SOUTH POLE, ONE MONTH AFTER ROALD AMUNDSEN.
What was this? Season 1 of the Amazing Race?
1917: THE UNITED STATES PAYS DENMARK $25 MILLION FOR THE VIRGIN ISLANDS.
It would been $20 million if they were the Non-Virgin Islands.
1922: ACTRESS BETTY WHITE IS BORN.
96!!! The password is "old."
1927: SINGER EARTHA KITT IS BORN.
Santa baby, I'm gonna need a crib.
1928: HAIR STYLIST VIDAL SASSOON IS BORN.
Oooh la la.
1929: POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN FIRST APPEARS AS A COMIC STRIP.
Well, blow me down.
1931: BASEBALL STAR DON ZIMMER IS BORN.
The metal plate in his head came later.
1933: PUPPETEER SHARI LEWIS IS BORN.
Oddly, Lamb Chop was born the previous year.
1942: BOXER MUHAMMAD ALI IS BORN.
Well, he was Cassius Clay on that day.
1946: THE UN SECURITY COUNCIL HOLDS ITS FIRST SESSION.
And immediately breaks for lunch.
1949: COMIC ANDY KAUFMAN IS BORN.
Or so we're told.
1950: THE GREAT BRINK'S ROBBERY IN BOSTON.
Two million dollars stolen from an armored car. Which makes it a lousy armored car.
1961: US PRESIDENT DWIGHT EISENHOWER DELIVERS A FAREWELL ADDRESS TO THE NATION BEFORE LEAVING OFFICE, WARNING PEOPLE AGAINST THE DANGERS OF MASSIVE SPENDING.
Meanwhile, when is tee off time?
1964: MICHELLE OBAMA IS BORN.
Calorie count on that birthday cake: 850.
1977: CAPITAL PUNISHMENT IN THE US RESUMES AFTER A TEN YEAR HIATUS, AS CONVICTED MURDERED GARY GILMORE IS EXECUTED BY FIRING SQUAD.
Glad they didn't miss.
1991: OPERATION DESERT STORM BEGINS EARLY IN THE MORNING.
And was over six weeks later.
1994: THE 6.7 NORTHRIDGE EARTHQUAKE.
And, to think, they're waiting for the one here that will be 7.3.
1998: MATT DRUDGE BREAKS THE STORY OF THE BILL CLINTON-MONICA LEWINSKY AFFAIR ON HIS WEBSITE.
Who broke the story about the ten others he screwed?
2003: ACTOR RICHARD CRENNA DIES.
The Real McCoy.
2005: ACTRESS VIRGINIA MAYO DIES.
Held.
2008: CHESS PLAYER BOBBY FISCHER DIES.
Checkmate.
2010: AUTHOR ERICH SEGAL DIES.
Death Story.
2011: PRODUCER DON KIRSHNER DIES.
It's midnight again.
Dinner last night: Baked ziti.
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