Monday Morning Video Laugh - February 21, 2022

 Ah, that time of year.

Dinner last night:  Angel hair pasta with meat balls.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Ann-Margret And All That

 

If you were here the other day, you will remember I just wrote about a sad evening watching Ann-Margret find age through a misguided Q and A.  What got lost in the doldrums of that night was....once again...my love for the movie "Bye Bye Birdie."

I made a discovery at that screening.  The movie still works.  For me.  Sure, I still hear the dated jokes.  I can recite most of the lines.  I can show you a blooper where you can actually see the glass ramp that the drugged turtle zooms up.  I can point out to you amongst the teenagers Linda Kaye Henning of "Petticoat Junction" and Elaine Joyce.

I am truly a geek when it comes to "Bye Bye Birdie."  A movie that came in at #12 when I documented my Top 25 Favorite Films of All Time on this blog over fifteen years ago.

Indeed, "Bye Bye Birdie" was my first non-edible obsession. When I initially saw it when it arrived at the Loews Theater in Mount Vernon, I couldn't get enough of it. Because I wound up seeing it six times over the next seven days. I'm not sure why I skipped a day, but it must have been, in the most Biblical of senses, our day to rest.

How did I wind up there in the darkened theater all week?  Very simple.  Neither of my parents had any interest.  My mother wasn't particularly fond of musicals.  And my dad?

"I can't stand that Dick Van Dyke.  He falls down a lot."

A bit of a random reaction I agree.  But, even at this tender age, my parents acknowledged the safer world around us. 

"Okay, we'll drop you off at the theater and pick you up after the movie." 

Just to be clear, I wasn't completely unchaperoned.  My father would slip five dollars to the guy taking the tickets or maybe the deadly theater matron with her dreaded flashlights.  They were entrusted to watch over me.  And did so gladly.  Back in that day, five bucks went someplace.

Of course, my absolutely crazed reaction to the first viewing of "Bye Bye Birdie" made me want to go back and back and back.  My parents surprisingly didn't care.

"Well, it's your allowance."

I often wonder if each visit to Loews for "Bye Bye Birdie" cost them five dollars for the in-theater babysitting service.  Or, after the third or fourth time, they threw their hands in the air and said "what the hell."  He came back in one piece.  Maybe he doesn't need the supervision.

I certainly wasn't going to raise a ruckus as I sat gaping at my very favorite movie of all time.  I was completely mesmerized.

You see, "Bye Bye Birdie" also probably marked the official grand opening of Len's Hormones.

The ribbon cutter was none other than Ann-Margret. The record album cover at the top of today's posts gives her limited justice. I immediately used my very next allowance to go to Brodbeck's Record Store on Fourth Avenue in Mount Vernon, New York to purchase the stereophonic long playing soundtrack record.

And I will tastefully refuse to tell you what I used to do with that record jacket.

In an incomprehensible twist, the other thing that made me love this movie was the presence of Paul Lynde as the father. I was, of course, way, way too naive to understand all the sordid details of Mr. Lynde's private life. All I knew was that I thought the guy was a stitch and that I wished secretly my father was just like this guy. Years later, I doubt that I wanted my dad to be cruising Santa Monica Boulevard looking for teenage boys.

I played the "Bye Bye Birdie" soundtrack on my record player constantly. I knew all the words to every song and wanted desperately to be in the show if it ever was done in my school. In retrospect, I creep myself out at how nuts I was about this movie. And now I wonder what the hell drew me to it, beyond Ann-Margret's multiple scenes in Spandex.

Well, the music is quite underrated. There are shows/movie musicals that have been more successful, but I couldn't tell one song from another. Indeed, "Bye Bye Birdie" harkens back to a simpler time. Perhaps it's all this teenage angst that drew me in. It was a harbinger of things to come. Amid all the drama of the world, these kids seemed to be okay and even thriving. Maybe that was the future I was hoping for. That life would be so comfortable that I could sit on the telephone and talk to my friends all day like the kids of Sweet Apple, Ohio did.
And perhaps I would be grown up enough to dance around in a night club just like this trailer shows.  The famous "Birdie" dance. 
 

Admittedly, it's probably a little weird that I would walk to grade school, singing the lyrics to "I"ve Got a Lot of Livin' to Do." I mean, think about it.

"There are chicks just right for some kissing and I mean to kiss me a few."

I can almost hear the call from my teacher and the school psychologist right now. The express train to puberty making no stops. So, if I spent a year obsessed with "Bye Bye Birdie," big freakin' deal! I think I turned out okay.

What did my parents think? Well, consider the song that could have been their anthem as well.  

"Kids, I don't know what's wrong with these kids today."

I now have the newly restored Blu-ray.  And they recently released a remastered CD with some of the musical numbers, originally omitted, now included.  The album cover is intact.  

And, years later, I still stare at the damn thing.

Dinner last night:  Western Tri-Tip at Wood Ranch.

Classic TV Theme Song of the Month - February 2022

Fifty years ago, this was on ABC Prime Time.   With Ronny Howard!!!! 

Dinner last night:  Taylor Ham burger.

Your Weekend Movie Guide for February 2022

 

This month, I am missing the epic Egyptian Theater in Los Angeles...a great place to see a classic movie.   Well, it's been closed since March 2020...COVID, you know.  But the good news is that Netflix purchased the building and is in the middle of restoring the place to even more grandeur.  Allegedly, it will reopen next year and Netflix promises that it will still unspool classic films on the weekends.

For the time being, we have the usual thread-bare cinemas from the likes of AMC and they are attempting to field a product that will get audiences off their couches and streaming services.   Good luck.   You know the monthly drill, gang.  I'll sift through the LA Times movie pages and give you my knee-jerk reaction to what's polluting their screens.  

Truly, the Egyptian re-opening can't happen soon enough.

Death on the Nile:   Blog review coming.  Whodunits don't necessarily work when they've been remade and you saw the original.

The Sky Is Everywhere:  A shy teenage musician copes after the death of her sister.  America's Got Grief.

The Worst Person in the World:  If this is produced by MSNBC, I would guess this is about Trump.

Licorice Pizza:   Still on my list to see.  I'm a sucker for anything 70s.

Drive My Car:   From Japan and it's on the nominee list for Best Picture and Best Foreign Film.  But it's three hours long, so beware.

West Side Story:  So Rita Moreno did not get a nomination.    Well, they tried.

Parallel Mothers:   I hear this is interesting.  But so are ant hills.

The Tragedy of Macbeth:   The tragedy is they put that shithead Denzel in this.

Moonfall:  The moon is going to collide with Earth.  My grandmother always said that landing there was going to be bad luck.

Belfast:   Got a slew of Oscar noms and it's actually one of the few movies I enjoyed this year.

Nightmare Alley:   One of the many nominated movies I did not enjoy this year.

The Power of the Dog:  And here's another one.

Flee:   What people are doing in most major cities.

King Richard:  Another acting enema from Will Smith who is dying to win an Oscar.  Having some talent might help.

Don't Look Up:  Reviewed here and you take the title of the movie literally.

Dog:  Unlike "Power of the Dog," this really has a dog in it.

Uncharted:  Mark Wahlberg and a host of others looking for treasure buried by Magellan.   The explorer, not the map.

Marry Me:   A rom com with J-Lo and without A-Rod.

Blacklight:  An action movie with Liam Neeson.   Isn't there like one of these every month?

The Cursed:  A horror movie set in 19th Century France.   Any movie set in France is a horror to me.

Finding Carlos:  The Nutcracker set to skateboarding and hip hop music.  Kill me now.

Too Cool to Kill:  A comedy from China.   Cameo appearance by Hunter Biden.

Dinner last night:  Leftover SPO.

A Sad Hollywood Story

 

It should have been a fun evening.   Here in Tinseltown, we are used to nights where a classic theater unspools a motion picture gem from the archives and then invited a cast survivor for a post-movie Q and A.

This was going to be epic.   One of my truly favorite films "Bye Bye Birdie" accompanied by the legendary Ann-Margret.   It doesn't have to get any better than that.

And, for the first two hours while the movie was playing at the Ricardo Montalban Theater in Hollywood, it was.   The crowd applauded each production number.   The love I have for this gem was not going to be unmatched.

And then the Q/A.

Introduced by some record company hipster/huckster with a blonde mohawk haircut, Ann-Margret entered the stage to a tumultuous standing ovation.

And then, almost immediately...sadness.

No one had to have a medical degree in tow to release that Ann-Margret is in some numbered stage of dementia.   She repeated the same childhood story not one, not twice, not three, not four, but five times.   Clearly, there would be no discussion of Birdie or Elvis or late husband Roger Smith.    And the host was either too stupid or too callous to read the room and what was happening.   Or maybe they knew ahead of time?   The record company was there to promote the latest album from A-M where she is embarrassingly doing covers for some old 50s and 60s hits.   And who let that even happen in the first place?

Clearly, there are people in A-M's camp who are letting this unfold and don't care?  And there is indeed blood on the hands from Cleopatra Records, the crappy company that is behind this.   Did they not see the same things we saw?  Did they squirm like us?   Did they have any sense of compassion for this once mighty talent?

It was all a reminder that aging is the great equalizer amongst celebrities, politicians, and the rest of us common folk.   But the key is to be equalized with compassion and dignity.

Ann-Margret is not experiencing either.

Dinner last night:  Salad.

This Date in History - February 16

 

"Ward, I'm worried about the Lenster."

1249:  ANDREW OF LONGJUMEAU IS DISPATCHED BY LOUIS IX OF FRANCE AS HIS AMBASSADOR TO MEET WITH MONGOL KHAGAN OF THE MONGOL EMPIRE.

Sounds complicated to me.

1804:  DURING THE FIRST BARBARY WAR, STEPHEN DECATUR LEADS A RAID TO BURN THE PIRATE-HELD FRIGATE USS PHILADELPHIA.

And, later on, he got his own street in the Bronx.  If that's an obscure joke for you, I wrote it exclusively for one of my readers.  If you want your own customized gag here, please drop a line and I will be happy to comply.

1852:  STUDEBAKER BROTHERS WAGON COMPANY, PRECURSOR OF THE AUTOMOBILE MANUFACTURER, IS ESTABLISHED.

Little did they know how many kids would be conceived in the back of one.

1859:  THE FRENCH GOVERNMENT PASSES A LAW TO SET THE A-NOTE ABOVE MIDDLE C TO A FREQUENCY OF 435 HZ IN AN ATTEMPT TO STANDARDIZE THE PITCH.

Now there's a country with absolutely nothing to do.

1868:  IN NEW YORK CITY, THE JOLLY CORKS ORGANIZATION IS RENAMED THE BENEVOLENT AND PROTECTIVE ORDER OF ELKS.

Now there's a club with absolutely nothing to do.

1899: KNATTSPYRNUFELAG REYKJAVIKUR ICELAND'S FIRST FOOTBALL CLUB IS FOUNDED.

And so apparently is the first eye chart.

1903:  VENTRILOQUIST EDGAR BERGEN IS BORN.

He made a lot of money off Charlie McCarthy, so who's the dummy now?

1909:  ACTOR HUGH BEAUMONT IS BORN.

Just what was he doing with the Beaver in that den?

1918:  SINGER PATTY ANDREWS IS BORN.

The one Andrews Sister still alive.  My grandmother used to call them "three ugly Guineas."  Except they were Greek.  Grandma missed one every once in a while.

1923:  HOWARD CARTER UNSEALS THE BURIAL CHAMBER OF PHARAOH TUTANKHAMUN.

That's got to be a quick way to stir up some dust allergies.

1921:  ACTRESS/DANCER VERA-ELLEN IS BORN.

A terrific talent who died too young.  She and Rosemary Clooney stole the movie "White Christmas" right out from under Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye.

1928:  ENTERTAINER EDDIE FOY DIES.

Now it's the six little Foys.

1935:  SINGER SONNY BONO IS BORN.

This gag pays off in just a little bit.

1936:  AMERICAN SKIER JILL KINMONT IS BORN.

So, on successive February 16s, we have the birth of one really lousy skier and one really good one.

1937:  WALLACE H. CAROTHERS RECEIVES A UNITED STATES PATENT FOR NYLON.

And I bet he liked to wear them, too.

1945:  DURING WORLD WAR II, AMERICAN FORCES LAND ON CORREGIDOR ISLAND IN THE PHILIPPINES.

The beginning of the end for those Nip bastards.  Can I say that?

1967:  HOCKEY PLAYER KEITH GRETZKY IS BORN.

Talking about having your thunder stolen.

1968:  IN HALEYVILLE, ALABAMA, THE FIRST 9-1-1 EMERGENCY TELEPHONE SYSTEM GOES INTO SERVICE.

In Alabama, nobody can remember what you dial to reach 9-1-1.

1985:  HEZBOLLAH IS FOUNDED.

And our world hasn't been the same since.

2001:  SEX DOCTOR WILLIAM MASTERS DIES.

Talk about a cool profession.

2005:  THE NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE CANCELS THE ENTIRE 2004-2005 REGULAR SEASON AND PLAYOFFS, BECOMING THE FIRST MAJOR SPORTS LEAGUE TO DO SO OVER A LABOR DISPUTE.

Inconveniencing thousands of fans in Canada.  And two dozen in the United States.

2006:  THE LAST MOBILE ARMY SURGICAL HOSPITAL (M*A*S*H*) IS DECOMMISSIONED BY THE US ARMY.

The series ran eight years longer than the Korean War it was set in.

2012:  BASEBALL STAR GARY CARTER DIES.

Class act.

2015:  SINGER LESLEY GORE DIES.

We'll cry if we want to.

Dinner last night:  Leftover SPO.

Lassie Come Home

 

Lassie!   Or Rin Tin Tin.  Or Benji.   Or Rex the Wonder Dog.   Any pooch will do.

I was under the false impression that "The Power of the Dog" had something to do with a canine.  Wrong.   The title is referenced in some Biblical quote which is revealed at the very end of the movie.   If you managed to make it to the end.  This film is as dreary and dull as a film can get.   

Beyond the false advertising of the title, it also appears that you are getting a western.   Well, not unless you consider 1925 Montana the wild, wild west.  It is the frontier and there are a bunch of cowboy-like characters but they do very little to warrant a story.

A story?  As if this movie has one.  Oh, there's some slender thread of a tale about two brothers.   One...the civilized guy...marries a widow and her teenage son who might be gay.   The uncivilized brother likes to swim naked in the mud and naturally he takes the son under his wing.   If that sounds interested, you fell for the gag.   I guess you might call this one a psychological drama.   Well, you have to be a little psycho to make any logic out of this.   You've heard the adage that nothing happens and a lot happens.   Well, in this misfire from the overrated Jane Campion, nothing happens...period.

And, also, we have yet another movie which is lit by Stevie Wonder.   Even in daytime scenes, it's hard to see the actors' faces.   As if you want to.   Okay, Kirsten Dunst has a moment or two as the widow.  But, as the ruthless brother, I can take or leave Benedict Cumberbatch.   I know he has his legion of fans, but his worthiness is lost on me, especially with that name which sounds more like one of a rabbit in a children's novel.

Again, this is all lost on me especially since this film got a leading 12 Oscar nominations.  I missed something.   I apparently missed everything.   And I sure do wish there really was a dog in this one.   Even a rabid one.

LEN'S RATING:  One star.

Dinner last night:  Went to a screening so nothing really.