Best Performance by a Wednesday in a Midweek Role

No 3-D glasses needed here. You'll be able to read the nastiness without them.

---The red carpet has been officially rolled up. And now you can finally make a 15 minute drive through Hollywood in the usual time.

---45 minutes.

---I'm always curious what happens to all the Hollywood Boulevard bums go when the Oscars take over the Kodak Theater.

---They could move them temporarily downtown, but they're liable to get mixed up with all the bums in City Hall.

---George Clooney didn't look like he wanted to be at the Oscars.

---Or maybe somebody reminded him that he got his start on "The Facts of Life."

---With Natalie, Blair, Jo, and Tootie.

---By the way, it's time for Barbra Streisand to put on her kerchief, pick up that bag of clothespins, and call it a career.

---Everybody is still making a big deal over which stars got left out of the dead roll call at the Oscars.

---Farrah Fawcett still can't get a break. First, she checks out just three hours before Michael Jackson. Now, the Academy includes him for his one film and forgets she made at least ten movies.

---Lousy movies, but ten nonetheless.

---A friend reminds me they forgot Beatrice Arthur, too.

---Bet you can't name three movies she did. Answers below. Don't read ahead.

---Meanwhile, I'm particularly pissed because they totally forgot another Hollywood star who croaked last June.

---GALE STORM, anybody????

---She made a ton of shit in the 40s. And, yes, it was shit, but still...

---No only did Hollywood make a lot of dough off Beatrice Arthur and GALE STORM, but the two of them singlehandedly kept several bartenders solvent.

---Driving around town on Oscar weekend is fun, because you see lots of parties happening at lots of restaurants.

---With lots and lots of gas guzzling stretch limos, town cars, and Escalades shuffling stars around.

---The same assholes who bark day in and day out about being "green."

---The one thing that Hollywood produces better than anybody else? Hypocracy.

---Watching the Oscars, I also made another observation. Unlike last year, nobody made much mention of Obama or hope or change.

---The closest thing you got to hope on Sunday night was a lobby poster of "The Road to Morocco" with Bob and Bing.

---And the only change anybody was concerned with was the coins they needed to tip the valet that brought around their Range Rover.

---GALE STORM!!!!

----Just reminding you again.

---Could it be that Tinseltown has jumped off the Obummer band wagon? Or maybe the Screen Actors Guild gets the shaft in the new healthcare plan?

---By the way, what will be over first? The discussion on the healthcare plan or that stupid hillbilly bank heist plot on 24?

---How do we get Jack Bauer to pistol whip Nancy Pelosi? Ideas, anybody??

---Meanwhile, I clocked this week's 24 episode at 43 minutes. So, essentially, the show should be retitled 17.2.

---You have a moment now to check my math. And that will give me another opportunity to...

---GALE STORM!!!!!!

---Will this week's disgraced New York politician please identify yourself?

---Nixon is probably looking down from heaven at all the shit in Washington and thinking, "You thought I was a crook?"

---There are certain photographic angles where Obummer's head really looks like my grandmother's sugar bowl.

---Who's a bigger thug? Sonny Corleone or Rahm Emanuel? Text your votes to me.

---Meanwhile, I have only one more thing to say.

---GALE STORM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the three movies Bea Arthur was in? Lovers and Other Strangers. History of the World Part 1. Mame.

Dinner last night: Lasagna at Pecorino.