Two Pack a Wednesday

The President of the United States smokes. Do you?

---So, Obummer has yet to kick the filthy habit. Or so said the report of his recent annual physical.

---It's tough to quit those things with a normal job. Can you imagine how hard it is if you have to worry about Joe Biden every day?

---A couple of weeks ago, there was a shot of the dumbbell Vice President sporting some ashes for the Lenten observance.

---I just figured that Michelle had come into the room and Barry needed a place to put out the ciggie fast.

---If you can't use the Vice President's forehead for an ashtray, what good is he?

---So just how does the President get his cigarettes? Does he buy them by the carton? Or is there a junior Secret Service agent who has to make a daily run to a Kwiki-Mart?

---Are nicotine patches contained in the health care bill? The President is checking it right now.

---Hey, any reason to get him to read the damn thing is fine by me.

---Meanwhile, Urkel's physical also contained the following note from his doctor: Try to drink in moderation.

---Now, everybody is jumping to conclusions that this means the President is a drunkard. But, frankly that's a standard note that any physician will give you.

---When did you ever hear a doctor tell you that you're not getting enough alcohol?

---Of course, it's fun to think about. Obummer stumbling around the White House late at night in a vodka haze.

---Hey, it could happen. It could be in the genes. His old man was a drunken slob.

---"Hey, where's my red phone??? And who the fuck has the key to the liquor cabinet????"

---Now I'm dying to know how many Presidents have been snockered in the White House. And Nixon doesn't count.

---We all know that there have been some First Ladies who tippled. Mamie Eisenhower, for instance. Although they blamed the lack of balance on inner ear issues.

---Pat Nixon. Who could blame her?

---Barbara Bush was also a little loopy but I think that was more because of all the hair spray.

---Speaking of wifes, that addled moron Harry Reid said that the rising level of unemployment has provoked more men to participate in domestic violence.

---Which means it will truly suck to be Mrs. Harry Reid come election time in November.

---I am happy to announce this week's inductions into the hallowed Black Fuck-Up Hall of Fame.

---NY Governor David Paterson who has so much dirty laundry that he announced he won't run for re-election.

---He obviously felt the handwriting on the wall.

---And then they finally nailed some shit on that old bastard from New York, Charles Rangel, who's been trolling the House chambers ever since Moms Mabley had her own teeth.

---Rounding up all the crooked Black politicians, I can only think of Roy Scheider's famous line from "Jaws."

---"We're going to need a bigger boat."

---You think I'm kidding? Look at what happened in Chile after that earthquake last week. Sure, there was some looting, etc.. But, by and large, they didn't suffer half the calamity that Haiti did.

---Take a look at the people in charge of that country. Then, take a look at the assholes who run Haiti.

---The answer is as plain as the difference between black and white.

---Ahem.

---Sadly, I got sucked in at the end. I almost made it through the entire Winter Olympics without watching a single second. Until the last five minutes and the overtime of the hockey game for the gold medal.

---I am so mad at myself.

---Meanwhile, on Facebook during that last game, I saw one after another commenting on the latest play. Regaling in hockey.

---Five seconds after USA lost, none of these folks could tell you a single thing about the sport that only about 40,000 Americans give a shit about anyway.

---Big deal,Canada! You rejoice in hockey. We have more affordable co-pays.

---And tell your prime minister that his American doctor's invoice is in the mail.

---What the hell is a maple leaf anyway?

Dinner last night: Chicken Piccata.