This Day in History - December 1

You're getting to be a big girl, Lucy Ewing.  It's your special day.  More later.  But, for now, let's go back to a triple digit year.

800:  CHARLEMAGNE JUDGES THE ACCUSATIONS AGAINST POPE LEO III IN THE VATICAN.

The earliest known evidence of altar boys.

1521:  POPE LEO X DIES.

Okay, let's do the math.  In over seven hundred years, there have been seven Popes named Leo.  That's one Leo for every century.  Amazing stuff you read here every single Wednesday.

1761:  MADAME TUSSAUD IS BORN.

And so is one of the greatest tourist rip-offs ever created.

1768:  THE SLAVE SHIP FREDENSBORG SINKS OFF TROMOY IN NORWAY.

Is there such a thing as slave insurance?

1824:  DURING THE US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION, NO CANDIDATE RECEIVED A MAJORITY OF THE TOTAL ELECTORAL COLLEGE VOTES.  THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES IS GIVEN THE TASK OF DECIDING THE WINNER IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE TWELFTH AMENDMENT TO THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION.

I'm just spitballing here, but this may not have been Bush's fault.

1834:  SLAVERY IS ABOLISHED IN THE CAPE COLONY IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE SLAVERY ABOLITION ACT OF 1833.

I told you those slave insurance premiums were too damn high.

1864:  IN HIS STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS, PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN REAFFIRMS THE NECESSITY OF ENDING SLAVERY AS ORDERED TEN WEEKS EARLIER IN THE EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION.

See!  Even Abe thought so...

1911:  LONGTIME DODGER MANAGER WALTER ALSTON IS BORN.

I'm surprised because he always looked like he was born in 1811.

1913:  THE FORD MOTOR COMPANY INTRODUCES THE FIRST MOVING ASSEMBLY LINE.

Even then, automation was killing jobs in Detroit.

1913:  BROADWAY STAR MARY MARTIN IS BORN.

A legendary performer who is actually better known for spitting out JR Ewing.

1918:  TRANSYLVANIA UNITES WITH ROMANIA.

A big party followed at Dracula's house, but, because there wasn't much to drink, it sucked.

1935:  WOODY ALLEN IS BORN.

By December 2, 1935, he already hated himself.

1952:  THE NEW YORK DAILY NEWS REPORTS THE NEWS OF CHRISTINE JORGENSON, THE FIRST NOTABLE CASE OF SEXUAL REASSIGNMENT SURGERY.

Sexual reassignment?  That's a nice way of saying you had your you-know-what hacked off.

1955:  IN MONTGOMERY, ALABAMA, SEAMSTRESS ROSA PARKS REFUSES TO GIVE UP HER BUS SEAT TO A WHITE MAN AND IS ARRESTED.

Frankly, I've always thought the back of the bus is roomier, but that's just me.

1958:  ACTRESS CHARLENE TILTON IS BORN.

She turns 52 today and her age now matches both her height in inches and her breast size.

1960:  PAUL MCCARTNEY AND PETE BEST ARE ARRESTED, THEN DEPORTED FROM HAMBURG, GERMANY AFTER ACCUSATIONS OF ATTEMPTED ARSON.

Guess which one the charges stuck to?

1964:  PRESIDENT LYNDON B. JOHNSON AND HIS TOP-RANKING ADVISORS MEET TO DISCUSS PLANS TO BOMB NORTH VIETNAM.

Wanna bet the phrase "mother fuckin' gooks" was used more than once?

1975:  LAMBDA THETA PHI, THE FIRST LATINO FRATERNITY, IS ESTABLISHED IN NEW JERSEY.

Alpha Phi Burrito.

1981:  THE AIDS VIRUS IS OFFICIALLY RECOGNIZED.

As if it could be mistaken for what?  German Measles?

1989:  DANCER AND CHOREOGRAPHER ALVIN AILEY DIES OF AIDS.

Eight years later and they're still dropping like flies.

Dinner last night:  Pork loin, potatoes, and spinach.