But you do get to see lots of junk at horrible multiplexes. And here's what Hollywood has to offer during this holiday season. You know how this works. I'll comb the Los Angeles Times movie pages and give you my gut call on whether you should bother. Most likely, you'll be staying home and watching "On The Town" on Turner Classic Movies.
The Tourist: This mess starring Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie got some of the worst reviews in years. The trailer was incomprehensible. Jolie's lips stretch over two city blocks. How many more reasons do you need to avoid this movie?
The Fighter: This has some decent Oscar buzz because Christian Bale apparently chews up scenery like it's a box of Skittles. But, I hear the real nuanced and great acting comes from Mark Wahlberg. Just goes to show that a Calvin Klein underwear model does have a future.
Casino Jack: Kevin Spacey as a Washington DC lobbyist whose schemes lead to murder and corruption. Was Rahm Emanuel a consultant?
The Tempest: One more version of Shakespeare's ode to storm clouds. With an all-star cast that includes Helen Mirren, Alfred Molina, Russell Brand, and most likely Betty White.
Love and Other Drugs: Oy vey. The buzz that this included tons of hot sex scenes got them my ten bucks at a bargain matinee. Trust me. It's as sizzling as last night's fajitas. The couple making out behind you is more interesting. In one of the more bizarre examples of product placement, this movie is nothing but a two hour commercial for Pfizer and Viagra.
Burlesque: Cher. Aguilera. Uninterested.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 1: My streak remains intact. I have yet to see another Harry Potter movie after the first one when I declared the story done as far as I was concerned.
The King's Speech: The early front runner for the Best Picture Oscar and I highly recommend it. A fascinating slice of history that I was completely oblivious to. Who knew that Queen Elizabeth's father was Norm Crosby?
Tron - Legacy 3D: One of Disney's greatest live action flopper-a-roos gets a sequel almost twenty five years later. I didn't see the first one, I won't see this one, and, in 2035, I won't see the next installment.
127 Hours: Also tons of buzz to watch some hiker hack off his arm. The movie is 90 minutes long, so I am guessing the 127 hours are severely edited.
All Good Things: A true story about that son of NY real estate mogul Sanford Marks who allegedly killed his wife. I saw it last weekend and my interest was held. But, there were about two or three supporting roles that would have been perfect for Betty White.
Black Swan: Some creepy thriller about a ballerina played by Natalie Portman. The Turning Point as if it was directed by Alfred Hitchcock. Winona Ryder has a supporting role and who hasn't been waiting for her screen return? Okay, except for the security guards at Niemann-Marcus in Beverly Hills.
Yogi Bear: In 3-D! Why????????? What's next? A digital restoration of Crusader Rabbit???
How Do You Know: Reese Witherspoon, Paul Rudd, Owen Wilson, and Jack Nicholson in what appears to be a rather banal romantic comedy. But it was written and directed by James L. Brooks, so it might be worth a gander.
Rabbit Hole: Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart as a couple struggling to stay together after their child dies. Now that's what I call "fun holiday fare."
The Chronicles of Narnia - The Voyage of the Dawn Treader: The third leg of this saga, which also marks the third time I will avoid this story. At the very least, they're getting churned out faster than Tron.
Ward No. 6: An update of Anton Chekhov's short story about one man's descent into madness. Another film featuring Rahm Emanuel as consultant.
Little Fockers: The third installment of the Focker family and the second one was less funny than the first one. I'm guessing the third one will be the laughter equivalent of a sympathy card.
Gulliver's Travels: Oy vey all over again. Another remake of the legendary children's tale, this time with the grossly uninteresting Jack Black undoubtedly making a lot of midget jokes. Give me the 1939 cartoon version anyday. Paging Gabby.
True Grit: Normally I'd say this is a needless remake of a perfectly good classic. But the Coen Brothers may add an interesting spin. And I also know the guy who was Jeff Bridges' stunt double, so I'll slap on an eye patch and give it a look.
Unstoppable: is Denzel Washington's ability to make crap.
Tangled: Disney's holiday cartoon is a 3-D version of Rapunzel. I'll pass and watch my favorite "Lady and the Tramp" at home.
I Love You Phillip Morris: It's not about a cigarette addict. Nope, it's another dreadful comedy with Jim Carrey, who's just as bad as second hand smoke.
Touching Home: Ed Harris in a movie that clearly is not about the Dodgers during the second half of the 2010 season.
Get Low: Robert Duvall in a true story about some hermit who threw himself a funeral while he was still alive. This was out months ago but is making the rounds again because they are pushing Duvall for an Oscar nomination. T'is the season to market an actor. Fa la la la la la la la la.
Made in Dagenham: A dramatization of the 1968 strike at the Ford Dagenham car plant, where female workers walked out in protest against sexual discrimination. Time have changed. These days, they're firing both women and men.
Dinner last night: Kung Pao Spaghetti with chicken at CPK.
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