The Texas Theater has since been restored and is still in use for films and theater. Still, it might be a little creepy to munch on your Raisinets there given all the ugly history. It's probably a whole lot better than going to your local multiplex where all the crap is playing in 2013. You know the drill, gang? I'll rifle through the entertainment pages of the Los Angeles Times and tell you what to avoid this weekend. War may be Hell, but movie going can be worse.
12 Years a Slave: I'd love it if the soundtrack included "Three Times a Lady."
Aftermath: I think I had Social Studies.
At Berkeley: A documentary about those pompous asses who go to this University of California. Peace, love, and Eugene McCarthy for President buttons.
12-12-12: A documentary on last year's NY rock concert to help with Hurricane Sandy relief. On the same night, I was seeing this dreary play with Katie Holmes. I hope they don't make a documentary about that.
All is Lost: Blog review coming. If I told you what I thought here, you wouldn't come back another day. It's all about creating on-line traffic.
Captain Phillips: Recently reviewed here. A major surprise because I a) liked it and b) liked it despite the presence of the usually hammy Tom Hanks.
Gravity: Nice to look at but the script sounds like it was written by three fifth-graders for a science project. Plus it's got Sandra Bullock and that's an automatic two points off.
Carrie: A remake of the Sissy Spacek about a senior prom that goes awry. Mine was held at the Apollo Theater and twenty Black couples attended. That's really awry.
Dallas Buyers Club: Seen it. I won't bother to review. I mean, let's face it, the movie is nothing but Matthew McConaughey straining for an Oscar nomination. This is not acting. It's constipation.
Jackass Presents Bad Grandpa: You have to be one to see this.
Thor - The Dark World: You want to know just how fucked up Hollywood is today? How many movies in the last five years have included the word "dark" in the title? And they wonder why school children are being shot up?
Last Vegas: If Congress really wants to help this country, they should pass a law that prevents Michael Douglas, Robert DeNiro, and Morgan Freeman from entering a movie lot ever again.
Kill Your Darlings: Daniel Radcliffe as a beatnik. Or "Harry Potter and the Mystical Opium Den."
Free Birds: A new cartoon. As opposed to "Angry Birds" which is an old phone app.
The Counselor: A lawyer finds himself in over his head when he gets involved in drug trafficking. Which has nothing to do with helping a high school junior prepare for the SATs.
The Motel Life: A pair of working-class brothers flee their Reno Motel after getting involved in a fatal hit-and-run accident. No tell this motel.
I Am Divine: A documentary about the drag star. Expect lots and lots of footage of director John Waters.
The Best Man Holiday: A sequel to "The Best Man." No, not the Gore Vidal play. It's essentially a Black version of "The Big Chill." Stifling a yawn. Still stifling a yawn. Ah, damn. YAWN!
Cold Turkey: No, not a remake of the wonderful Norman Lear-Bud Yorkin movie about the tobacco industry. This is about an eccentric family's Thanksgiving dinner. This is a movie that probably could have been written by all of us.
Charlie Countryman: A guy falls for a woman who's claimed by a violent crime boss. A plotline that was featured in about ten episodes of "The Sopranos."
Brave Miss World: A documentary about a former Miss World who was then violently raped. There are jokes I could write but even I have some limits.
Sunlight Jr: Naomi Watts and Matt Dillon are in love. He's in a wheelchair. My guess is that there's a third actor in this cast who will fill in the...ahem...blanks.
The Armstrong Lie: Seen it. Blog review coming. Spoiler alert: he lied.
Blue is the Warmest Color: Not if you weight more than 300 pounds.
Nebraska: The latest from director Alexander Payne who I once met at a hair salon. The trailer looks quirky and weird. As a matter of fact, so did his haircut on that day.
In the Name Of: A Catholic priest in Poland grapples with his sexuality. As long as that's all he grapples with.
The Ghosts in Our Machines: A documentary about biomedical research. Nap at home. It's more comfortable.
Go For Sisters: The latest from John Sayles. Upon her release from jail, Fontayne enlists the help of Bernice - her estranged old friend and current parole officer - and a disgraced cop to search for his son, who went missing on the Mexican border. Once again, you can nap at home.
About Time: The latest from "Love Actually" director Richard Curtis. Seen it. Blog review may or may not be coming. I'm still trying to figure out whether I liked it or not. Stay tuned.
Ass Backwards: The title reminds me of what my dad used to describe me trying to do any household chores. Meanwhile, the movie's about two best friends (Kate and Chloe) embark on a cross country trip back to their hometown to attempt to win a pageant that eluded them as children. What would have happened if Jon Benet Ramsey had lived....
The Book Thief: While subjected to the horrors of World War II Germany, young Liesel finds solace by stealing books and sharing them with others. Under the stairs in her home, a Jewish refugee is being sheltered by her adoptive parents. Released in Europe as "Anne Frank Gets a Library Card."
Capital: From director Costa-Gavras. The newly appointed CEO of a giant European investment bank works to hold on to his power when an American hedge fund company tries to buy out his company. Released in Europe as "Bernie Madoff's Day Off."
A Case of You: A young writer tries to impress a girl he meets online with an embellished profile, but he finds himself in a real mess when she falls for him and he has to keep up the act. What would happen if Lance Armstrong joined Christian Mingle.com.
Ender's Game: Aliens fight the human race for the control of the planet. Harrison Ford is in it, which means that there is still crippling arthritis in the future.
The Prime Ministers - The Pioneers: A documentary about Israel's first 25 years. In another era, this might have been an NBC special hosted by Milton Berle.
Running From Crazy: A documentary about actress Mariel Hemingway as she looks at all the mental illness in her family. I'm guessing this film is about four hours long.
The Wind Rises: A cartoon documentary about the designer of the Japanese WWII fighter plane. I am telling you. Japan will animate anything these days.
Red Wing: A socially thought-provoking and stirring love story based on the French novella, 'François Le Champi' by George Sand. This isn't a movie. It's a book report due Tuesday.
How I Live Now: An American girl sent to the English countryside to stay with relatives finds herself fighting for her survival as the UK turns into a violent military state. I think this is a future logline for an episode of "Downton Abbey."
Dinner last night: Hanger steak at E and E Grill House in NY. Grilled Bacon is the go-to appetizer.
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