A Slow Simmer

Despite the fact that it's a trend that took hold over Los Angeles about five or six years ago, I have yet to sample the fare at a food truck.  Admittedly, they've been around for years to feed the gardeners and the pool cleaners of the super rich.  Those vehicles were called "roach coaches" and probably with good reason.  But, a while back, a couple of fancy chefs took to the streets and, before you know it, we have a phenomenon.

I remember being in an office where the first food trucks were making their stops.  You had to sign on to a website to find out when it would be near you.  People in my company got so excited when one food truck was on the next block.   You would think that Jesus was traveling around Galilee

Bottom line: I'd go see the Sermon on the Mount.  I might not get as excited for a Kobe beef burger.

This is the really long way to get into a movie review, but I've finally reached my creative destination.  I guess it was a matter of time before Hollywood set a movie around a food truck.   After all, I'm sure one has stopped in front of Paramount or Sony Studios by now.  And you know how quickly Tinseltown development types can jump on a band wagon.

Hence, the movie "Chef" written and directed by Jon Favreau.  Oh, yeah, and starring Jon Favreau.  I guess somebody needs to adopt the mantle of being a cinematic triple threat, given that Woody Allen is getting old and Barbra Streisand can't get her fat ass out of bed.  I've noticed that Favreau himself has also put on some pounds since his "Swingers" days.  Maybe that's why we have this focus on food and its preparation. 

Like "Swingers," the characters in "Chef" all talk at the same time and don't listen to one another.  It's a challenge to keep up with all the back story as it unfolds.  But, here's a spoiler alert.  The film is all about a chef.  Favreau plays this important culinary artist who's been running the show at a prestigious Los Angeles, likely-Zagats-rated eatery.  He was once considering cutting edge and wants to get a lot more .  But, restaurant owner Dustin Hoffman, now exclusively with a future film career as "the cranky old guy," wants him to stick only to the menu originally created a decade ago.

This becomes a problem when some food blogger reviews the place and chastises the chef for not expanding his horizons.  Favreau has a loud confrontation with the Rex Reed-like critic and it winds up on You Tube and TMZ.  The chef winds up on the unemployment line.

Meanwhile, the chef knows nothing else about life but cooking and has the ex-wife and neglected ten-year-old son to show for it.  Sofia Vergara is the former missus and, along with the staccato dialogue, you also now have the accent to deal with it.  Very quickly, the movie starts to set up a plotline that is so evident that you could see it on your phone's GPS app.  Favreau and his son go to Miami to buy a beat-up food truck from Vergara's other ex-husband (Robert Downey Jr. in an incredibly weird cameo appearance).  The truck's specialty will be Cuban sandwiches.  Chef and son bond as they drive the truck back to LA.  Junior uses the internet to get the word out.  It's a big hit.

The End.   Seriously.   That's it.

Somewhere along the way, Favreau forgot to put anything meaty into this six-reel sandwich.  At the midway point, the film literally could be called a documentary you might find on the Food Network.  Here's how you smoke a ham with mesquite.  Here's how you butter a ciabatta roll so it becomes golden brown.  Oh, and the correct order to layer the ham, the cheese, and the pickles on a Cuban sandwich.

This isn't as much a movie as an episode of "Rachael Ray's 30 Minute Meals." 

You keep waiting for some out-loud humor to kick in.  It never does.  You want to have the big schmaltzy moment.  It never happens.  You realize the film is in the slowest cooker ever made.

Did "Chef" hold my interest?  Yes.   Did it entertain me?  A bit.  But, at the end of the evening, it's not a satisfying dinner, but merely a snack.   And, to tell you the truth, some buttered popcorn would have done that trick.

LEN'S RATING:  Two and a half stars.

Dinner last night:  Teriyaki chicken wings at Citi Field.