This Date in History - May 7

Don't we all feel like this sometimes?   What does this painting have to do with May 7?   Well, keep reading.

351:  THE JEWISH REVOLT AGAINST GALLUS BREAKS OUT.  THE JEWS BEGIN A REBELLION IN PALESTINE.

Which has lasted to this day 1663 years later.

1274:  IN FRANCE, THE SECOND COUNCIL OF LYON OPENS TO REGULATE THE ELECTION OF THE POPE.

For a quick second, I thought this said that the Pope needs to be regular.  I was going to suggest Duclolax.

1429:  JOAN OF ARC ENDS THE SIEGE OF ORLEANS, PULLING AN ARROW FROM HER OWN SHOULDER AND RETURNING TO LEAD THE FINAL CHARGE.

Tough old broad.

1664:  LOUIS XIV OF FRANCE INAUGURATES THE PALACE OF VERSAILLES.

Complete with gift shop, no doubt.

1718:  THE CITY OF NEW ORLEANS IS FOUNDED.

We're a little French-heavy today, n'est-ce-pas?

1763:  PONTIAC'S WAR BEGINS WITH PONTIAC'S ATTEMPT TO SEIZE FORT DETROIT FROM THE BRITISH.

Insert your favorite car joke here.

1824:  THE WORLD PREMIERE OF LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN'S NINTH SYMPHONY IN VIENNA, AUSTRIA.  

Good seats still available.

1847:  THE AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION IS FOUNDED IN PHILADELPHIA.

This is for those who thought this was started by that quack, Dr. Oz.

1864:  DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, THE ARMY OF THE POTOMAC, UNDER GENERAL ULYSSES ST. GRANT, BREAKS OFF FROM THE BATTLE OF THE WILDERNESS.

Insert your favorite Ulysses S. Grant joke here.

1901:  ACTOR GARY COOPER IS BORN.

Yup.

1915:  DURING WORLD WAR I, A GERMAN SUBMARINE SINKS THE RMS LUSITANIA, KILLING 1,198 PEOPLE.

Some really sour Krauts.

1915:  JAPANESE 21 DEMANDS ULTIMATUM TO CHINA.  IT IS COMMEMORATED AS THE NATIONAL DAY OF HUMILATION.

Also known as the day every baseball season when the Mets are eliminated from the pennant race.

1917:  ACTOR DAVID TOMLINSON IS BORN.

Mr. Banks, you're saved.

1919:  FIRST LADY OF ARGENTINA, EVA PERON, IS BORN.

We're not crying yet.

1923:  ACTRESS ANNE BAXTER IS BORN.

All About Labor.

1930:  COMIC TOTIE FIELDS IS BORN.

My grandmother loved her.  Even when she was missing a leg.  Totie, I mean.  Not my grandmother.

1931:  SINGER TERESA BREWER IS BORN.

We're putting another nickel in.

1933:  FOOTBALL STAR JOHNNY UNITAS IS BORN.

Came off the bench to play the Jets in Super Bowl III.  A fat lot of good that did.  Ha!

1937:   DURING THE SPANISH CIVIL WAR, THE GERMAN CONDOR LEGION ARRIVES IN SPAIN TO ASSIST FRANCISCO FRANCO'S FORCES.

This is when Franco was still alive.

1940:  THE NORWAY DEBATE IN THE BRITISH HOUSE OF COMMONS BEGINS AND LEADS TO THE REPLACEMENT OF PRIME MINISTER NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN WITH WINSTON CHURCHILL THREE DAYS LATER.

Well, we know this wasn't a contest based on looks.

1945:  DURING WORLD WAR II, GENERAL AFLRED JODL SIGNS A SURRENDER IN FRANCE, ENDING GERMANY'S PARTICIPATION IN THE WAR.

You lose!

1946:  TOKYO TELECOMMUNICATIONS ENGINEERING, LATER RENAMED SONY, IS FOUNDED.

Good thing they changed the name.  That first one would never have fit on a Walkman.

1954:  DURING THE INDOCHINA WAR, THE BATTLE OF DIEN BIEN PHU ENDS IN A FRENCH DEFEAT.

Phew!

1960:  SOVIET LEADER NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV ANNOUNCES THAT HIS NATION IS HOLDING AMERICAN U-2 PILOT GARY POWERS.

Talk about your ill-advised flyover.

1986:  CANADIAN PATRICK MORROW BECOMES THE FIRST PERSON TO CLIMB EACH OF THE SEVEN SUMMITS.

Insert your favorite Patrick Morrow joke here.  But, first, tell me who the hell he is.

1989:  ACTOR GUY WILLIAMS DIES.

Now lost in a lot more than just space.

1992:  MICHIGAN RATIFIES A 203-YEAR-OLD PROPOSED AMENDMENT TO THE US CONSTITUTION.  THIS AMENDMENT BARS THE US CONGRESS FROM GIVING ITSELF A MID-TERM PAY RAISE.

Yeah, like that will never happen.

1992:  THREE EMPLOYEES AT A CANADIAN MCDONALD'S ARE BRUTALLY MURDERED.  

I guess you don't want to supersize those fries.

1994:  EDWARD MUNCH'S PAINTING "THE SCREAM" IS RECOVERED UNDAMAGED AFTER BEING STOLEN FROM A NORWAY GALLERY IN FEBRUARY.

Doesn't that make you just want to....oh, never mind.

1998:  MERCEDES-BENZ BUYS CHRYSLER FOR 40 BILLION DOLLARS.

In 2014, that's called Robinson Cano's last contract.

2000:  VLADIMIR PUTIN IS INAUGURATED AS PRESIDENT OF RUSSIA.

Shitheadski.

2002:  RACE HORSE SEATTLE SLEW DIES.

Twenty five years to the day that the horse won the Kentucky Derby.  Meanwhile, if you're in the vicinity around this time, I wouldn't order the hamburger for a few days.

2013:  FILMMAKER RAY HARRYHAUSEN DIES.

This is no special effect.   He's really dead.

Dinner last night:  Leftover tortellini.