585 BC: A SOLAR ECLIPSE OCCURS, AS PREDICTED BY THE GREEK PHILOSOPHER AND SCIENTIST THALES.
Was there even anybody around to verify this?
1503: JAMES IV OF SCOTLAND AND MARGARET TUDOR ARE MARRIED ACCORDING TO A PAPAL BULL BY POPE ALEXANDER VI.
That's a lot of....oh, go ahead and finish it.
1533: THE ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY, THOMAS CRANMER, DECLARES THE MARRIAGE OF KING HENRY VIII AND ANNE BOLEYN TO BE VALID.
All those wives. He was quite the player. Even if he did look like Sebastian Cabot.
1754: DURING THE FRENCH AND INDIAN WAR, VIRGINIA MILITIA UNDER THE 22-YEAR-OLD LIEUTENANT COLONEL GEORGE WASHINGTON DEFEAT A FRENCH RECONNAISSANCE PARTY.
It's hard to believe that Washington was anything but an old guy.
1830: US PRESIDENT ANDREW JACKSON SIGNS THE INDIAN REMOVAL ACT WHICH RELOCATES NATIVE AMERICANS.
They all wound up in Cleveland.
1843: AUTHOR NOAH WEBSTER DIES.
You can look that up.
1892: IN SAN FRANCISCO, JOHN MUIR ORGANIZES THE SIERRA CLUB.
Hippie.
1918: COMIC JOHNNY WAYNE IS BORN.
And, in an ironic twist, he later changed his name to Marion Morrison.
1918: THE AZERBAIJAN DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC AND THE FIRST REPUBLIC OF ARMENIA DECLARE THEIR INDEPENDENCE.
All of this happened in Glendale, California.
1934: THE DIONNE QUINTUPLETS ARE BORN IN ONTARIO, CANADA.
Talk about your instant tax break.
1937: THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE IS OFFICIALLY OPENED BY PRESIDENT FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT, WHO PUSHES A BUTTON TO OPEN TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure he was sitting down at the time.
1937: THE VOLKSWAGEN COMPANY IS FOUNDED.
Here comes Herbie the Love Bug.
1938: BASKETBALL STAR JERRY WEST IS BORN.
Score the goal.
1940: BELGIUM SURRENDERS TO NAZI GERMANY.
There goes all that chocolate.
1944: MAYOR RUDY GUILIANI IS BORN.
And, in a way, so is the combover.
1944: SINGER GLADYS KNIGHT IS BORN.
On that midnight train to Georgia.
1951: THE BRITISH RADIO COMEDY, "THE GOON SHOW," IS BROADCAST ON THE BBC FOR THE FIRST TIME.
Not to be confused with live broadcasts of the British Parliament.
1952: THE WOMEN OF GREECE ARE GIVEN THE RIGHT TO VOTE.
When will they be allowed to shave?
1957: BASEBALL PLAYER KIRK GIBSON IS BORN.
I've seen that clip of his World Series homerun maybe two thousand times.
1964: THE PALESTINE LIBERATION ORGANIZATION IS FORMED.
And so it starts.
1977: IN KENTUCKY, THE BEVERLY HILLS SUPPER CLUB IS DESTROYED BY A FIRE THAT KILLS 165 PEOPLE INSIDE.
I told you not to order the Cherries Jubilee.
1993: ERITREA AND MONACO JOIN THE UNITED NATIONS.
That first country sounds like a sinus medicine.
1996: US PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON'S FORMER BUSINESS PARTNERS IN THE WHITEWATER LAND DEAL, ARE CONVICTED OF FRAUD.
Yeah, I know. He said he didn't do this either.
1998: ACTOR PHIL HARTMAN IS FOUND DEAD FROM A BULLET WOUND.
I was literally three blocks away when this news broke. Or so I told the police.
1999: IN ITALY, AFTER A 22 YEAR RESTORATION, LEONARDO DA VINCI'S "THE LAST SUPPER" IS PUT BACK ON DISPLAY.
Which was probably longer than it took him to paint the original.
2003: PETER HOLLINGSWORTH BECOMES THE FIRST GOVERNOR-GENERAL OF AUSTRALIA TO RESIGN HIS OFFICE AS A RESULT OF CRITICISM OF HIS CONDUCT.
If this happened in America, there would be nobody running the government.
2010: ACTOR GARY COLEMAN DIES.
As far as life goes, he came up short.
Dinner last night: Roast beef sandwich.
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