Stupid Is As Stupid Does

You sometimes have to sit back and let the world make you laugh.  Because it truly can be stupid beyond belief.

Take, for instance, another slice of life from my 12-unit apartment building in Los Angeles.  But, first, I need to give you some backstory.

Our small four-story edifice is serviced by one elevator.  The lift is not huge, nor is it very modern.  They've made cosmetic changes to the inside, but you can still hear it wheezing from time to time.  Still, despite its age, it still has worked. 

Until early in January when it gave out like bad knees.  The motor had to be totally rebuilt. The City of Los Angeles got involved.  It was time to bring the old girl up to operating code.  The process of this all would take three months.

Even though I'm on the first floor, I am still several flights up.  Technically, the ground floor is the building garage.  I was one of the lucky ones.  My climb was not that bad.  But, still arduous when grocery bags needed to be dragged upstairs.

It was tough for all of us and everyone was over the moon when the elevator was pronounced fit for its ups and downs.  We were all instructed by the HOA to be mindful of its advanced age.  I'm sure the repair costs did a little vacuum action on the repair budget.

We got about a month.  And, then, suddenly, I was waiting for a movie to start at the Arclight when I saw a global e-mail that went to the entire building.  From one of the residents.

Our elevator is out of order again and our family (8 people) were inside the Elevator for 1/2 hour until Fire Dep. help them.  As I informed before repairing, we should not have trusted this company.  I expect that all Home Owners attend a meeting.  I propose strongly to have emergency meeting on Monday evening for solutions.

What the everloving fuck?!  My knees started to hurt, just thinking about more Saturdays with heavy grocery bags.

Somehow, when I got home, the elevator was working fine.  Hmmmm.   But I was still hot the collar so I drafted a quick e-mail to the head of the HOA, who's a really good guy.  I copied no one else.

The elevator was fine when I came home at 1045PM. With all due respect, how stupid do you have to be to cram 8 people into that elevator in the first place?   If that was the case, it's no wonder why an elevator would shut down.  Like everybody else in this building, the two plus months without the elevator were a severe challenge.  Now we don't need idiots abusing it.

The note I got back said it all.

"Amen."  And I heard the HOA guy's wife wanted to put me in her will.

How goddamn stupid do you have to be to try and jam eight people into that elevator?   It's a job for experienced clowns and a Volkswagen.  But these dumbbells threw caution to the wind and piled in.  I don't have to be a physics major to figure out the lift was overloaded.

Two days later, the head of the HOA sent a note to the global resident directory.  There was no need to have a meeting.  Totally appropriate.

But he had accidentally forwarded my e-mail as well.  Um, totally inappropriate.

Oops.

The building then was copied on a very irate e-mail to yours truly.  It came from one Samantha Smith.  Her e-mail address came me pause to consider that Samantha's skin pigmentation was not similar to Doris Day.  I could hear the "attitude" in her words.

I was in the elevator but don't live in the building. I don't appreciate being called stupid. The maximum weight allowed in the elevator is 2000 lbs. Even if each person weighed 200 lbs, we weren't over allotment. There were 4 women, 3 men and a 35 lb 4 year old girl.  In case you're too "stupid" to do the math, that's 1,435 lbs, worst case scenario.

Bitch.  I had to respond quickly and with class.

I respectfully apologize for the flip remark.  I made it in an e-mail to one person confidentially and did not expect it to be shared.   It was a poor choice of words.  Like many of the occupants in the building, I was totally frustrated to hear that the elevator may have broken down again after a two-month period where those of us who live in the building were all greatly inconvenienced.  It was a personal ordeal for me having recently undergone knee surgery to have to lug groceries up several flights every Saturday.   As we all struggled over eight or nine weeks, I know we all become more mindful of the elevator's age and will take better care to ensure its long term use in the future.

But, then again, you wouldn't know that because you don't even live in the building.

I wanted to conclude with "fuck you," but refrained.

I'm pretty cordial with my neighbors, but have noticed that I get a few more "hi's" and smiles these days.  Except for one unit.  That refused to get on the elevator with me.

Which was fine, because I don't travel in tight places with other clowns.

Dinner last night:  Bacon and cheddar cheese omelet.