Because I didn't. Hit home, that is.
You have to live in Los Angeles to experience the utter ridiculousness of yet another visit to the city by President Obama. He's been here 18 different times during his regime. Not a single time has he been here for any official business that involves the state of California. Nope, he comes on a regular basis to replenish his Bank of Hollywood ATM card. Getting millions of dollars donated from the financial fat cat phonies that run Tinseltown. The very people that Obama loves to chastise are the ones he caters to most.
And, of course, the lure of breaking bread and grilled salmon with that big mouth Barbra Streisand is very enticing. So, one more time, he comes. And throws the entire town into complete chaos.
There are people who wonder just what the hell he is raising political funds for. I mean, he's got the job for another term. But I have a theory why he is courting the favors of the dumbbells of Hollywood. And it's got everything to do with the end of his second term. And the next career gig.
You read it here first. Six months after the Obamas leave the White House and fumigation begins, you will hear that his life story has been optioned to Steven Spielberg for a feature film adaptation. Denzel Washington will be first in line to play the lead role.
Meanwhile, let's not leave out Barry's wife. Within a year of their Washington DC departure, a major television syndicator will announce that Michelle will be hosting an hour-long national talk show. Devoted to making the lives of all her fans better. Teaching us how to properly raise and feed our children, because we couldn't possibly know how to do that ourselves. The show will be called "Michelle!"
Yes, there will be an exclamation point.
So, that, my friends, is why he still comes to town. And totally disrupts the lives of the downtrodden he is so committed to "helping."
On his very first visit in 2009, he was very nearby my home at the Beverly Hilton. And this resulted in a traffic nightmare that took days to unravel. Getting out of Vietnam was easier. I was stuck in my apartment for six hours. No one could go any place.
Since then, the traffic tie-ups are all connected to where he is located. Burbank for the Tonight Show. Glendale for a visit with Univision. Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles when he wanted a snack.
Two days ago, he was situated mostly in Century City. A dinner around the corner from my home where Spielberg was presenting with some award from the Shoah Foundation. Forget the fact that Obama has virtually trashed relations with Israel. He's still Steven's Ambassador of Goodwill. Hypocrisy that can't even be fathomed.
Naturally, whenever El Presidente visits, he lands smack dab in the middle of afternoon rush hour. Because, after all, what fun is it to be Chief Executive if you can't show how much power you command?
Knowing all this was happening, I raced home from a client in the San Fernando Valley. And almost made it. Suddenly, roads were closed all over the place. And I was literally trapped on a side street two blocks from my apartment. The idiots who are parking ticket cops in LA were entrusted to managing the congestion. That's sort of like having Emmanuel Lewis play center for the Lakers. I pulled over and very nicely asked one of these dopes how long it would be.
"We don't know. Probably an hour."
Okay, how do I get to that street over there?
"Well, you can't."
So you're essentially barring me from access to my own home?
"I wouldn't say it that way."
But you won't let me go there for the next hour so, technically, you are barring me access to my own home?
"It'll get cleared as soon as possible."
Yeah, but not for an hour.
"Yeah, well, it is the President."
Oh, thank you for clarifying. We're all very ready to burn up our gasoline as we wait because, after all, it is the President.
Don't get me wrong. I have no issue with Presidents being out and about in this country. But, when you do so, it should have something to do with bettering the lives of our citizens, not making a shambles of it. I sat behind my steering wheel and stewed and stewed and stewed.
None of this should be happening.
And I reasoned right then and there how I will vote in the next Presidential election.
The first candidate that comes out and announces that they will never visit Los Angeles gets my vote. Regardless of party affiliation. Indeed, if you pledge to spend over 85% of your time in the White House working, I might even donate 10 dollars to your campaign.
But you know that won't happen. Because Hillary and Bill will be needing to make time with George Clooney and all the other jerks out here. And, of course, they will have to be in Los Angeles for their appearance on the premiere episode of "Michelle!" And the red carpet premiere of Steven Spielberg's "Dreams of My Deadbeat Father."
Dinner last night: Vegetable stir fry.
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