Wednesday, Will You Enter and Sign In Please?

But if you're wearing a blindfold, you won't be able to read this.

---Why is it that whenever we get a much needed third party candidate, the person is a lunatic?

---First Ross Perot, now Ralph Nader. How many times does he have to lose before he stops trying this?

---In a division full of New York Yankees, Nader is the Kansas City Royals.

---Why doesn't he just buy into a Ford dealership and call it a life?

---Well, at least, the Ohio and Texas primaries showed that Obooboo has some vulnerabilities. Once the press started asking him questions a little harder than "what are the two ingredients of chicken noodle soup?"

---Michelle Obooboo opened up her big piehole last week and told a bunch of housewives that she has complete sympathy for the economic problems they must deal with every day.

---Because Mrs. Osama adds, she has the same challenges keeping up with her student loans, plus dance and singing lessons for her kids.

---Well, there's a choice that must resonate with a Midwestern mother and a household income of $50,000.

---Do I buy milk or ballet lessons? Milk, ballet lessons. It's a tough one.

---If you choose the latter, keep in mind that little starving girls with scrawny legs don't look so hot in tutus.

---Mrs. Obama Bin Laden, meanwhile, just left a job that paid her upwards of $300,000 a year.

---Does Oprah sell muzzles in that goofy store of hers? I'll take two, please.

---And now we hear that Michelle's dirtbag husband has some ties with a nefarious (and potentially imprisoned) Chicago businessman, who also contributed beaucoup bucks to the campaign.

---A Chicago businessman who happens to be Syrian.

---Hmmm. Didn't I read something like that in "Len Speaks" two weeks ago?

---And I remind you all that I am not prejudiced. Some of my favorite clothing is black.

---Sure sign of Spring: Girl Scouts setting up snack trays in front of supermarkets selling cookies. I got nabbed for three boxes last Saturday.

---Don't look at the nutrition facts on the package. Those numbers rival the national debt.

---And that's with very small serving sizes. I've seen communion wafers that are bigger than those cookies.

---Only somebody with the metabolism of a ten year-old should crack one of those boxes.

---How many boxes of cookies do parents wind up buying from their kids?

---Er, from the size of the two moms I saw last week in the Ralph's parking lot last week, a lot.

---The luckiest Girl Scout in America is the one who lives in Rosie O'Donnell's neighborhood.

---As American Idol whittles down to their Top 12 finalists this week, all the dirt about the current contestants is starting to come out.

---The girl who got bounced last week was apparently OCD. She wouldn't let different foods touch on her plate. One guy, trying to look like a rocker, was wearing a wig.

---Now, we have our first Idol contestant who spent three years as a gay stripper.

---I wonder if that's how Tony Bennett started. Giving naked lap dances to Harry Truman.

---If Idol needs stuff to pad those results shows, I suggest some simple math problems for Paula Abdul.

---"Paula, if one side of the stage has three contestants and the other side of the stage has four contestants, how many are there in total?"

---"Paula will give us the answer after the break."

---I happen to watch one of the nightly news broadcasts the other night. Is every commercial devoted to a drug for some medical condition?

---The list of side effects is usually longer than the drug itself.

---I get it now. You take a drug for one thing and then you keep going to the doctor for other drugs to alleviate all the problems you get from the side effects.

---A vicious cycle that results in you setting up a cot at Walgren's.

---So if you get an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours, you're supposed to call a doctor?

---Hopefully, a pretty one.

---Welcome back, baseball. Spring training has started and, given all the injuries in Met camp, it's obvious that their offseason training was supervised by Ruben Studdard.

---The Met pitching staff is one lefthander away from being the Desi Arnaz Orchestra.

---The Dodgers have to spend a couple of spring days playing exhibition games in Asia. As if there are any people left there to attend the games.

---Wait till Torre discovers you can't get a good cannoli in Beijing.

---I thought I would include below Jeff Kent's comment on the team's prospects this season.

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---If that comment is familiar, you probably saw something of equal substance in Obama's campaign platform.

---On March 29, I will get to attend the Dodgers exhibition game vs. the Red Sox at the Coliseum. With close to 100,000 tickets slow, it will be the largest crowd ever to attend a baseball game in America.

---I will be leaving for the game tonight.

Dinner last night: Turkey reuben sandwich at the Cheesecake Factory.