If It's Wednesday, This Must Be Me

Round and round and round I go. Where I stop, nobody knows.

---The second of my three cross country sojourns in the month of June went off without a hitch as I close in on over one million miles flown on American Airlines.

---And apparently the banks may be closing in on American, which makes my mileage account as useful as a book of Plaid Stamps.

---When I hit one million, I am supposed to be a preferred American Airlines flyer for life. That, and 3 dollars, gets me a bag of Trail Mix to snack on.

---More and more and more people are walking around airplanes with no shoes on. This makes me want to purposely miss the bowl when I use the bathroom.

---Of course, when one of these morons gets some flesh-eating disease, they will be the first in line to call Jacoby & Meyers.

---My flight to NY took a southernly route to avoid all the Midwestern storms that have turned Iowa into a sewer. I got some great pictures of the Amazon rainforest.

---There was great symmetry watching the Tony Awards while in NY. Although I wish I had heard of any of the nominated plays or musicals.

---There was something called "Passing Strange" with music by Stew---no last name. Apparently none needed.

---There was another concoction called "In The Heights" which looked like outtakes from the old TV show "Fame." It''s bad enough you have to sift your way through this urban blight on the way to the theater. Now you can't escape it inside.

---With seats that were made for asses that had still not been widened by an overdose of Hot Pockets.

---Liza Minnelli was a presenter and she now slurs everything she says. She's either got permanent wet brain or the worst fitting dentures.

---Mario Lopez is playing the director in "A Chorus Line" and that means we are just a little closer to the end of the world.

---What's next? Screech as Mame??

---And, still, the white trash from the Midwest keeps clogging NY's legitimate theater. Where your pre-theater dinner can get a lot cheaper if you have coupons for the Olive Garden.

---They tell you at the end of the Tony telecast. "Please come see a Broadway show."

---Please don't.

---Can we make a deal please? You peckerwoods stay where you live and I will promise never to set foot in Arkansas.

---I also caught up to "Sex And The City" over the weekend. With all the young women supposedly going to see it in groups of four, I got none of that.

---The suburban crowd I saw it with was in between canasta games. They were peeing themselves with laughter. Although I think that would have happened anyway.

---The movie is three days long and needed to be cut. It is essentially the next season of the show played back-to-back.

---Sarah Jessica Parker was shot in such a horrible light that she looked like she was being interrogated at the local police station.

---The Los Angeles Lakers collapsed faster than FDR at Campobello.

---Professional basketball is now impossible to deal with. Between all the shaved heads and the excessive tattoos, you would think you were watching one of this year's Tony nominees for Best Musical.

---It looks like neither of my baseball teams will be playing in October. If this keeps up, I don't even want to see either of them in August.

---The Dodgers are so bad they are actually looking forward to the return of Andruw Jones, when his .170 batting average will actually raise the average of the whole team.

---Not only does Manager Joe Torre miss Derek Jeter, I'm betting he's even thinking fondly of the days when he had Joel Youngblood.

---Most of you won't get that joke, but those that do are laughing hysterically.

---A NY station should now start their nightly news with this: "It is 10PM. Do you know who your Met manager is?"

---Months after he left office, former NY Governor Elliot Spitzer still had more job security than Met Manager Willie Randolph.

---Will somebody please tell Doug Sisk to get out of Aaron Heilman's uniform?

---After a long primary campaign, Barack Obama chose to go on "a date" with his wife. On the other side, Bill Clinton also did the same.

---No word yet on who he went with.

---By the way, Mr. Bill was appearing last night at Radio City Music Hall. And I still think you would get a better show with the Rockettes and an old MGM musical.

---Like one starring Cyd Charisse. Rest in peace.

---Obama spoke at his new church and told Black men that they need to stick around.

---Whatever Black men were still there.

---I wonder if Obama heard his own sermon.

---Shameless plug of the week: The magazine/book containing my essay "The Saturday Plan" is now out on the stands. It is the one that commemorates Shea Stadium and all of the pieces inside are quite good. If you're so inclined, seek it out. I want the check to clear.

---You can find it (no joke) at all Exxon On The Run locations in NY, NJ, and CT. Also at selected Universal News stands in NY. Or at pressboxlegends.com.

---I'm not posting the article here, so you do have to buy it, cheapskates.

Dinner last night: Had a business class lunch on AA Flight 117, so essentially my nighttime meal was a Klondike Bar.