ESPN Sunday Night Migraine

Back in the day, Sunday nights during any baseball season were reserved for reflection. You thought about what your team did over the weekend. You looked to see where they were going this week. How many games were they in front? Or behind? Teams got to do the same thing. Sunday nights were used for travel from or to their home stadium. It was quiet time and a great way to re-consider the past and consider the future.

Until, of course, ESPN got their tentacles into the sports with the greedy MLB owner base acting as willing accomplices. Now, there's one last weekend game starting at 8:05PM Eastern time. And I can't think of a more horrible way to close out Sunday.

I got to experience this torture all over again as either the Dodgers or Mets have been featured there the past several weeks. And now I have to consult a medical specialist on carpal tunnel syndrome as my hand was overworked pressing the mute button on the remote control. Because the very first reason why Sunday Night Baseball should be telecast only in maximum security facilities is the broadcast team of Jon Miller and Joe Morgan. How did these two ever get put on the air is beyond me and I am now concerned that the head of ESPN might be Johnny Belinda. Listening to these two pompous asses may actually cause brain tumors to form. If former major leaguer Joe Morgan was this much of a blowhard when he was playing, his teammates would surely spend most days spreading Ben Gay on the inside of his athletic supporter. Morgan spends every on-air moment trying to show that he is infinitely smarter than you are. He is the smart kid in school that should get beaten up in the playground every single afternoon.

Jon Miller is another story, albeit the same sad one. He's worked in baseball broadcasting for years and that merely proves that there's a broadcasting executive sucker born every minute. Miller's ego is geometrically proportioned to his already oversized head and stomach. Actually, his head shot looks like one you might see down at Walgren's. "Your Pharmacist on Duty." In a further attempt to prove that he is so much better than his viewer, Miller takes great pains to over-pronounce player names. "Carlos BELL-TRON." "Adrian BELL-TRAY." He's Don Pardo after drinking a case of Red Bull. The only good thing about these two assholes being teamed up together is that it saves two other perfectly innocent baseball analysts from being tainted by these aural lepers.

ESPN, which treats MLB Baseball no differently than it would its coverage of extreme dirt biking, also overworks the case that their viewer is a drooling comatose moron. They overplay trivial moments. They underplay important plays. All the while, there is constant information flashing on the top and the bottom of the screen. You learn that Manny Ramirez is hitting .265 when the count is 0-2 and his dreadlocks are five inches or longer. And there are constant reminders that Sportcenter is coming up next. Since ESPN airs Sportscenter on a virtual loop across its two dozen or so channels, I certainly wouldn't be expecting to see Face The Nation next, would I? ESPN's baseball coverage has been and remains an assault on your senses and you come away feeling like Liza Minnelli after downing a fifth of vodka.

To make matters worse, there's always some hand-held cameraman running around on the field, because it's really important for us to see where David Wright nicked himself during his pre-game shave. And, naturally, the intervals between innings are longer so that the network can throw in one more promo about that ever-coming-next Sportscenter. I went to a Dodger game that was ESPN-covered and, for the first few innings, I was wondering why the umpires and the players were simply standing around during breaks. They were waiting for the cue that ESPN was done with their over-saturated commercial log.

Of course, beyond the on-air histrionics, Sunday Night Baseball is just a bad idea for the real fans as well. When you start at 8:05PM East Coastville, you can count on most games not to finish before 11PM. On a school night. Take, for example, what happened last weekend at Shea. Because it was an important game for the Mets and the Phillies, ESPN asked for the regular Sunday afternoon game to be re-scheduled for their evening telecast. You bought tickets for your family and now you're trying to figure how to keep your kids up way past their bedtime. Or maybe you simply wind up sprinkling some salt on those ducats for a nice snack.

To make matters worse, the Saturday game was rained out and had to be played on Sunday afternoon. So, fans who go to that game have to be cleared out of the ballpark in time for the completely separate admission at night. That means the stadium has to be completely cleaned in less than two hours, which probably means it isn't cleaned at all. Shea Stadium bathrooms look like the Paris sewers on their most pristine days. I can only imagine what you would find on the floors there by 10PM that night. But, God forbid, we would should miss the opportunity to hear Joe Morgan prattle on about what Ryan Howard should do with a change-up.

It gets worse. The very last game ever at historic Yankee Stadium was scheduled for Sunday afternoon on September 21. Again, ESPN inflicts another head wound onto the battered baseball fan and moves the game to the evening. Of course, Joe and the Fatman want to be there for history because they are the co-inventors of baseball. Is there any thought given to a longtime Yankee fan, perhaps Dad from White Plains who wants to share this special game with his little 10 year-old son? Of course not. Any special post-game ceremonies will wind up happening around 1130PM while Father and Son are already gone, groggily looking for the next D train north.

The whole thing is shameless. It's bad for the eyes, ears, and stomach. It's a total inconvenience for fans attending the games. And it's incredibly bad for baseball. So, it should come as no surprise that ESPN will be featuring Sunday Night Baseball for years to come.

Dinner last night: Grilled chicken, cucumber salad with green beans.