Let the battle begin. And we should be lucky if any of these upcoming Fall 2008 releases are as entertaining as Godzilla fighting Rodan. Usually, Hollywood waits for the Fall months to give us the really good movies and Oscar hopefuls. But, from what I see and read, we might be duly challenged this year. Here's my take for September and October based on magazines and trailers:
September 5:
A Secret: Described as a romance in Nazi-occupied France. Is this a sneaky way to remake Casablanca?
Mister Foe: Jamie Bell, that dorky kid from Billy Elliot, comes to terms with his mother's death. No dancing please.
Ping Pong Playa: The Karate Kid with ping pong balls. I had enough of this crap when they blew out the Olympic torch two weeks ago.
September 12:
Burn After Reading: The Coen Brothers follow up their Oscar winner with this screwball crime comedy with that "laugh-a-minute" Brad Pitt. George Clooney also got into this in between picking out shirt and tie combos for Obama.
Righteous Kill: Here we go again. Pacino and DeNiro together as cops. How new. How original. How do I avoid it?
Towelhead: I thought this was included in the top 100 politically incorrect words you could no longer use. The title alone intrigues me. Stop at a CVS beforehand to pick up some snacks.
Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys: More urban angst. Or maybe it's a documentary on the Obamas.
The Women: "Murphy Brown" creator Diane English has had this remake script kicking around since 1994. Never a good sign. Even bad movies don't take that long to get a green light in Hollywood.
September 17:
Appaloosa: I've seen the trailer for this Ed Harris-directed western and it looks like 3:10 to Yuma all over again. This is the 4:20 to Boot Hill.
September 19:
Battle in Seattle: A dramatization of the riots that broke out at the 1999 World Trade Organization meeting. Does anybody remember that happening? Or are you thinking that some attention-deficit-driven executive saw "World Trade" on the title page and just said okay?
The Duchess: Keira Knightley as the Duchess of Devonshire. Lots of costumes, lots of accents, and lots of sleep for me.
Elite Squad: Crime-ridden Rio. Is there any other kind?
Ghost Town: The standard ghost buddy comedy with Ricky Gervais and Greg Kinnear. Where are Leo G. Carroll, Anne Jeffreys, and Robert Sterling when you really need them?
Hounddog: The quintessential Dakota Fanning rape vehicle. You ain't nothing but a bad idea.
Igor: Some CGI dreck about a hunchbacked lab assistant. It's Eye-gore.
Lakeview Terrace: Samuel L. Jackson terrorizing new neighbors and movie audiences all at the same time. Can somebody please not cast this guy for a change?
My Best Friend's Girl: Romantic comedy. Kate Hudson. Dane Cook. Jason Biggs. Len Staying Home.
A Thousand Years of Good Prayers: Skip the movie and eat the fortune cookie.
September 26:
Blindness: Julianne Moore as the only one in the world left with eyesight. Perhaps the audience will be equally afflicted.
Choke: Somebody actually filmed the Mets last September???
Eagle Eye: Shia LaBeouf being chased all over town. Hopefully he's not behind the wheel.
Forever Strong: Rudy plays pro rugby. Well, at least, I kind of like the shirts.
Humboldt County: All about pot farmers. And they're not inhaling.
The Lucky Ones: It's about Iraq so the movie should be about those not seeing the movie.
Miracle at St. Anna: Spike Lee's WWII epic. In this one, only the Black soldiers survive.
Nights at Rodanthe: Richard Gere and Diane Lane are reunited in one more mid-life crisis. Isn't Gere getting a little long in the tooth for this kind of stuff?
October 3:
An American Carol: The Zuckers go crazy in a Christmas Carol parody. It's probably offensive, silly, and politically incorrect. One for the 7PM show please.
Beverly Hills Chihuahua: The trailer looks terrible. Call me when it's Culver City Road Kill.
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People: Too many jokes to choose from. Insert your own please.
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist: Why do I think this is not starring Myrna Loy and William Powell?
Rachel Getting Married: Anne Hathaway as a drug addict who stirs up trouble at her sister's wedding. And you thought you had a problem with drunken Uncle Louie?
What Just Happened: I avoided this movie. That's what just happened. A pile of inside jokes from Hollywood.
October 8:
Rocknrolla: Comedy about the British underworld. Notachancea.
October 10:
Ashes of Time Redux: With an austere title like this, it's hard to believe this is a kung fu chopsocky movie.
Body of Lies: Ridley Scott's latest CIA drama teaming Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe. It sounds intriguing.
Breakfast with Scot: Two gay guys adopt an orphan. I had no clue about Daddy Warbucks.
City of Ember: Bill Murray in a fantasy world, which means he'll feel perfectly at home. The Express: About the first African-American to win the Heisman Trophy. The Express 2 will be about OJ Simpson's drive home from Nicole's condo. Happy-Go-Lucky: About some nut infected with eternal optimism. Why do I think this is not a Michael Moore documentary? Quarantine: People trapped in a LA apartment building. Gee, aren't we all? Sex Drive: Another teenage boy tries to lose his virginity. Probably should be doublebilled with Happy-Go-Lucky. October 17: Filth and Wisdom: Could be interesting since I myself alternate equally between both. Flash Of Genius: Greg Kinnear invents the intermittent windshield wiper. This has to be about as interesting as reading a two-year-old edition of the Reader's Digest while waiting for your car at Pep Boys. Max Payne: Mark Wahlberg in some videogame that has come to life. There are not enough quarters in the world for me to pay to see this. The Secret Life of Bees: Ah, not bees. Please tell me. Not bees. They were the last constant thing in the world. They sting you. They die. How wonderfully uncomplicated. W: Oliver Stone applies out his usual velvet touch on George W. Bush. This will be unbiased, even-handed, and thought provoking. Uh-huh. And Pixar will also be releasing an X-rated feature this Christmas. October 24: The Brothers Bloom: Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo as clever con men. Apparently another drama set in the nation's capital. Changeling: Clint Eastwood's 2008 entry with Angelina Jolie as a California-telephone-company employee whose son disappears in the late 1920s. Major buzz around this one. High School Musical 3: The trailer looks amateurish, but I didn't even know there was High School Musical 1 or 2. But, then again, I'm not an eight-year-old girl. I've Loved You So Long: Kristin Scott Thomas and her long-estranged sister. Has she made one interesting movie ever?? Passengers: Anne Hathaway plays a grief counselor to plane crash victims. Why do I think that side-splitting mayhem does not ensue? Pride and Glory: Edward Norton, Colin Farrell and one more NY cop drama. Can't they find corrupt policemen in any other city? I'm betting there's at least one in Cleveland. Saw V: Right. Like I Saw I or Saw II or Saw III or Saw IV? Synedoche, New York: NYC is recreated inside a huge warehouse. An interesting idea, but it is directed by Charlie Kaufman and all his stuff is unintelligible. October 31: The Haunting of Molly Hartley: Which obviously can't be solved by her psychiatrist uncle, Dr. Bob Hartley. Zack and Miri Make a Porno: Seth Rogan and Kevin Smith. My two best reasons to stay the hell away.
Dinner last night: Leftover sausage and peppers.
1 comment:
Yuck! Surviving the Summer of Low Expectations yields to the Autumn of Our Discontent. Where are the distractions we'll need during the runup to November?
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