Now this is a screen. And those were the days when Radio City Music Hall used to have something good on it. Here's what is headed our way the rest of the year. It might be time to hunker down for the winter.
November 7:
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa: A sequel to the earlier cartoon. Bernie Mac is in it. Like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, he's gone now, too.
Quantum of Solace: The next installment of the totally ruined James Bond franchise. The first one, Casino Royale, was a mess. Paging Oddjob please.
Repo! The Genetic Opera: Paris Hilton in a sci-fi rock music comedy. I didn't know she couldn't sing. I know she can't act.
November 14:
Australia: Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman running around down under. You could skip the movie and just go to Outback. Baz Luhrmann directed. You definitely should skip the movie and go to Outback.
A Christmas Tale: Some French dreck about the parents of a dying son. Leave to the French to ruin the holidays as well.
Lake City: Southern family drama with Sissy Spacek. Think of the TV show "Brothers and Sisters" with Loretta Lynn in the Sally Field role.
Nobel Son: Even the trailer put to me to sleep. Something about some Nobel Prize winner whose son get kidnapped. Or maybe it was about a guy running a Carvel store in Helsinki. I just couldn't tell the difference.
Nothing Like The Holidays: Christmas with a Hispanic family in Chicago. I'm only interested if Grandpa gets used as a pinata.
The Road: I know nothing except the book was one of Oprah's selections. This will be one not traveled.
Role Models: Two energy drink salesmen who have never quite grown up. Paul Rudd stars and wrote it. And he whipped up a batch of chocolate chip cookies for Craft Services.
Soul Men: About a R & B group. The double whammy. It has both Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes. How did they miss out and not cast Bobby Murcer, Cyd Charisse, and Estelle Getty?
November 21:
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Still more???? Why?????
The Soloist: Jamie Foxx as a musical prodigy who winds up schizophrenic and homeless on a LA street. A dime a dozen.
November 26: Bolt: A cartoon with John Travolta as the voice of a canine TV star. Lost in Koreatown perhaps? Watch for those subliminal Scientology messages.
Four Christmases: A look into a family over four consecutive years of holidays. This is a really intriguing idea that hopefully is not ruined by the inclusion of Vince Vaughn in the cast.
Milk: Major Oscar buzz for Sean Penn as that gay SF politican who got wasted. Don't cry over spilled...
Transporter 3: Another Jason Statham action film. Which will signal to me that there have been others?
December 5:
Frost/Nixon: Ron Howard directed this film adaptation of the play about the Nixon/Frost interviews. A must see on my list.
Punisher: War Zone: A must-not-see on my list.
December 12:
The Class: About a high school class in France. Probably revisionist history. No, that was not the Nazis who we caved to. It's just an oompah band with panzers.
The Day The Earth Stood Still: Another senseless remake. Now I'm waiting for somebody to write a sequel to the New Testament.
Defiance: Jews vs. the Nazis during WWII. Note to France: Somebody did put up a fight. Strange holiday release, but then again Schindler's List was released on December 25.
Doubt: ...I will see this. No, wait, it's about child abuse in a Catholic school. Enroll me please. Oscar buzz again for Meryl Streep, who's a little old to play an altar boy.
Seven Pounds: What I need to lose by next Tuesday. Actually, it's Will Smith's annual campaign for an Oscar. I can't think of a better reason to stay home and get the mildew out of my bathroom shower tiles.
Twilight: Apparently, this is based on some series of books that 15 year-old girls have been clamoring over. Does anybody know what the hell ever happened to the Bobbsey Twins? I'm just asking.
December 19:
The Tale of Despereaux: It's a cartoon about a mouse in France. Pixar Legal on line 2.
Yes Man: Jim Carrey. No, man.
December 25:
Bedtime Stories: A Disney movie with Adam Sandler as a magical handyman. The film is geared toward 10 year-olds, which means Sandler will be working up.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Brad Pitt as a guy who ages in reverse. Which means he'll eventually be the same age as those urchins he just adopted.
Hurricane Season: Forest Whitaker as a New Orleans high school basketball coach right after Katrina. When the parents could watch the games on their new FEMA-funded high def TVs.
Marley and Me: That famous dog book with Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson. I'm hearing it's weepy and has Oscar buzz. So, maybe Timmy doesn't get out of the well?
The Spirit: Some sci-fi comic book comes to life with Samuel L. Jackson. It will be good to reconnect with him since it's been, what, two days since his last movie.
December 26: Revolutionary Road: A contemporary romantic story that reunites Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. If they get wet this time, it's their own stupid fault.
The Secret of the Grain: This won't make a lot of bread.
Waltz with Bashir: An animated film about an Israeli soldier who witnessed a 1982 massacre of Palestinian refugees. Merry Christmas to you, too.
December TBA: Clint Eastwood directs Clint Eastwood. A bigoted Korean war vet lives next door to some immigrants. Dirty Harry meets Archie Bunker. One on the aisle please.
Dinner last night: Chicken cutlets with pasta and broccoli.
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