Fat Wednesday 2009

Calories from nastiness: Zero.

---Woo Hoo! Lent begins today. When Catholics give up something they really like and Protestants don’t.

---Of course, the kick off celebration was all those idiots descending upon New Orleans for hours of drunken debauchery.

---The same kind of ridiculous behavior that goes on the other 364 days of the year down at New Orleans City Hall, the most poorly run city government in America.

---New Orleans is what happens when you let porters and shoe shine guys run the city.

---Okay, that’s not prejudiced. Do you see any mention of skin pigmentation in that sentence?

---Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

---But take a look at pictures of the people in charge of New Orleans and you tell me.

---Drove my Chevy to the levee and it had a big ole’ hole in it.

---Hey, but you have to give them credit. Once FEMA finally came through after Katrina, big screen television sales went through the roof.

---For those who still had a roof. Or weren’t living on one.

---Of course, you wouldn’t ever find me anywhere near New Orleans on Mardi Gras. The most I will wear a big thing on my head is never.

---I’m still astounded by the attention being accorded Best Picture winner Slumdog Millionaire. It’s such a mediocre movie.

---I hear that there were mass celebrations in Mumbai when the win was announced.

---Or maybe the people there just discovered that the local supermarket had a sale on chicken fried locusts.

---Okay, spoiler alert for these next comments. Slumdog is supposed to be essentially about this romance between two kids.

---Okay, the guy is beaten, hung from a ceiling, and has jumper cables attached to his testicles. Yet, the girl is nowhere to be found.

---But, as soon as he wins a million bucks on television, she shows up for kiss, kiss, kiss.

---Whether you’re in Mumbai, New York, or Los Angeles, it’s all the same thing with these chicks. Show me the money.

---Speaking of electrolysis on private parts, have you looked at your 401K lately?

---Looking at Obama last night on TV, he's already aged in one short month on the job.

---If he keeps us at this pace, he's going to look like Uncle Remus by 2012.

---Once again, no mention of skin pigmentation in that line.

---Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

---And, speaking of electrolysis on private parts, may I offer up Nancy Pelosi?

---I said this last fall. She is the most dangerous person in America. I won't be happy till she's wearing a kerchief and beating a rug in the backyard.

---Actually, I could be just as happy wearing a kerchief and beating her like a rug in the backyard.

---For those of you wondering what former President George W. Bush is doing these days...

---G-29.

---O-41.

---B-8.

---I said "B", Mr. President. As in "Bush."

---Bush! B-U-S-H.

---And, speaking of electrolysis on private parts, LA has to vote next Tuesday for a new mayor. Of course, Senor Sleazebag Villaraigosa is running virtually unopposed. There's a clowncar full of other candidates who don't have a chance.

---So, the end result is four more years where leafblowers rule the city.

---And there was absolutely no skin pigmentation mentioned in that last line.

---No wink, wink. No nudge, no nudge. The guy's an absolute piece of shit.

Dinner last night: Garden medley salad with chicken at BJs.