Baba-Wednesday

The Wednesday rant always filled with your favorite exploding cigars.

---Here's Desi Arnaz, one of the last decent things to come out of Cuba, our neighbors to the south.

---Of course, Desi showed up here in the 30s so it's been a long time between worthwhile exports.

---Oh, there are some folks here who fleed the torrent that is Fidel Castro. And they tell, as did one friend of my roommate, of stories of torture for those family members left behind.

---Let's see. What else? Letting missiles in from Russia. People escaping the island only to be a smorgasbord for sharks patrolling the waters off Florida.

---And let's not forget a bunch of 75-year-old major league pitchers.

---But, now all is forgiven. Let's be friends. Please wear my ring.

---Gag!

---I say we confiscate all the Bacardi rum and let's be done with them.

---The way President Urkel is running around the world and trying to become BFF with a bunch of thugs, you'd think he's getting paid by commission.

---It's as if being a stateman is no different than working the men's department at Nordstroms.

---"Can I help you find a tie that goes with that shirt, Mr. Dictator?"

---Is Hugo Chavez the same guy we ran off so we could build Dodger Stadium? Let me know.

---Last week, the Urkels had pizza delivered to Washington, DC from Chicago. So much for the guy with good crust in St. Louis.

---If the pizza doesn't get there from Chicago in 30 minutes, do the Urkels get a free coupon? Let me know.

---So, I get it now. The entire economic stimulus depends upon mozzarella cheese.

---I was confused. I thought all those tea parties last week were a new promotion from the American Girl cafes.

---Speaking of which, Jeaneane Garofolo, who has unfortunately sullied the cast of 24 this past season, says that the people who attended those ad hoc demonstrations were all racist. Anybody who protests these days is mad because there's a Black in the White House.

---No, I protest these days because there's a guy in the White House who is wasting taxpayer dollars on extra pepperoni.

---Is it me or does Garofolo always look like she got hit in the face with a bag of ball bearings?

---Speaking of Garofolo, let's move on to something she'll never be in. A beauty pageant. And that Miss California who is under fire for dissing gay marriage.

---I don't agree with her statements, but she's entitled to her opinion, which, unlike a lot of beauty pageant contestants, came out in a complete sentence.

---She's not running for political office. She's not making government policy. Leave her the hell alone. Give her a pair of scissors and send her off to the newest super market in town.

---Of course, what is laughable is the fact that this chick was virtually ambushed with this question by one of the judges, sleazeball blogger Perez Hilton, who was simply looking for camera time.

---It's hilarious that this asshole is judging a beauty pageant, since it is well known in Hollywood that the guy is a slob and apparently considers soap to be a high ticket luxury item.

---This jerk is frequently spotted around West Hollywood wearing dirty pajamas and being followed by a pack of stray dogs.

---It is official. There are now more paid bloggers in this country than there are attorneys.

---So, is the joke now "what do you call 500 bloggers on the bottom of the ocean?"

---Paid bloggers? Where did I go wrong?

---No charge, folks. I remind you, no charge.

---But I will also now be very happy to represent you if you've taken a fall at work.

---American Idol last night was devoted to disco music and the seven remaining finalists were all probably conceived to some of those songs.

---When Paula Abdul looks at frontrunner Adam Lambert, you can see her eyes saying, "I can change you, I can change you, give me a shot, I can change you."

---I'm convinced that Matt Giraud wears hats to cover up that mole in the middle of his forehead.

---By the way, there's no truth to the rumor that his father was once married to Rhoda Morgenstern.

---I'll wait till you get that joke.

---Still waiting.

---And still waiting.

---A-ha, I caught you laughing.

---From my vantage point, Lil Rounds will go home to listen to all the singers she has thoroughly copied throughout the competition.

---Since it's a double elimination, the second ouster is liable to be Slumdog Anoop Desai. Unless, of course, they manage to get some calls outsourced to Bombay.

Dinner last night: Hawaiian turkey burger at Islands.