Dog Day Wednesday

I'm always more fun when I'm growling.

---I might be the exception, but I absolutely don't, don't, don't, don't give a shit about the Obamas and their new dog.

---Frankly, one bitch in the White House is enough.

---Yeah, I said it. Half of you are booing, while the other half are laughing your collective asses off.

---I love them talking about how their kids are now up to this responsibility. As if these two are going to walking up and down Pennsylvania Avenue with a pooper scooper.

---You know there is some poor White House aide or Secret Service guy who's already been assigned to walk Bo, when the Obama girls are too busy drawing moustaches on Zachary Taylor.

---And while we're talking about the Urkels, what the hell was that with the special delivery pizza??? So that the ideal family unit could have their regular Friday night pizza soiree, the President had some pizza parlor in St. Louis deliver one.

---What? There's no Dominos or Papa John in Washington, DC???

---Obama says he prefers the St. Louis pizza because he loves their crust.

---And my grandmother would say that the President has some crust himself.

---So, the St. Louis pizza guy flies up with the pizza. Burning fuel. How's that carbon footprint now, Urkel?

---Meanwhile, even though he finally did the job needed, why did the President initially react to those pirates as if there was a malfunction on the Disneyland ride?

---Must have really pained the guy to have them killed. After all, they were from Africa and some were Muslims. My God, he probably wanted to have them over to watch the Super Bowl.

---With pizza flown in from St. Louis. Hold the anchovies.

---Like everybody else, I was shocked to hear about Phillies broadcaster Harry Kalas going buns up in the press box the other day. Until I saw a picture of the guy taken last weekend.

---Talk about somebody who looked like death warmed over. He was literally a corpse holding a scorebook.

---Speaking of which, I got tremendous jollies listening to this jury foreperson

tearfully giving her guilty verdict in the Phil Spector murder charge. This screwball actually weeped over how hard a decision this was.

---WTF! Phil Spector stuck a gun in Lana Clarkson's mouth and blew her teeth all over Orange County and this is a tough call??

---Why do these wimpy juries trying to be so non-judgmental when it's their job to do just that?

---After all, what do they call the guy on the bench in the big black robe? A JUDGE!!!

---This is why nobody wants me on a jury. I got opinions and plenty of them.

---For instance, as far as I'm concerned, no trial is needed for that drunken piece of shit who mowed down Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart and two of his friends. GUILTY!! Take a good look at the sun in the sky. It's your last time.

---I guess the good news is that a celebrity finally got convicted in Los Angeles.

---I don't watch House, but I know some character blew his brains out and surprised everybody.

---Since then, there are on-line memorials and all sorts of grieving on Facebook. Some people even think that the actor really did kill himself.

---Hello, stupid folks everywhere, it's a freakin' TV show!!!

---It's amazing how seemingly bright people can so easily fall over the line of reality.

---The actor is alive and well and taking a job in the Obama administration.

---Which means he will be returning to his acting career four years from now.

---Working in this White House? Now, that's really suicide.

---Forget about the talent of the singers. This year's American Idol has been one of the sloppiest seasons ever.

---Missed cues, shows running way too long, and too, too much fooling around from the judges. This week, they were so worried about the time that the entire show felt like you were running for a train on Metro North.

---And they still ran five minutes over.

---This week's theme was movie music and the guest mentor was that shithead Quentin Tarantino. Because when I think of musical expertise, the first name that comes to my mind is this bloated, overrated director?

---I have to admit that I can't stand this year's frontrunner, Adam Lambert. Performances way too showy and he's almost too professional for this competition.

---And this week, he went back to the Liza Minnelli hair style. And wore more make-up than one of her husbands.

---The kid I like, Kris Allen, may have lost the crowd by singing a great song from a very smart Irish film, Once, that only adults saw.

---Which is doomsday when it comes to Idol's 13 year-old audience.

---Lil Rounds may have finally sunk herself with a rendition of Bette Midler's The Rose that sounded as if it was being vocalized by Jethrine from The Beverly Hillbillies.

---Lil also got into Simon Cowell's face with a little attitude after he gave her some touch criticism. Lil reacted as if Simon had gotten into the wrong line at the DMV.

---Sassing Simon might be enough to get Lil kicked off. But she is the only Black finalist left, so a hefty voting bloc is solidly behind her. My guess is that either Anoop Desai or Matt Giraud gets the boot.

Dinner last night: Leftover antipasto salad.