Wednesday, November 25, 2009

If Today Were Wednesday, November 27, 1963...

Jeez, I hope Walter Cronkite gets that choked up if we land a man on the moon.

---Okay, everybody can come out from under their beds. The shooting has stopped.

---The nation came to a stop last Friday at 1:30PM Eastern time. And it didn't get restarted until the following Tuesday.

---You know it's pretty serious when Crusader Rabbit gets pre-empted.

---Also killed last Friday: Vaughn Meader's career.

---Has anybody checked to see how Angie Dickinson is doing?

---Upon hearing the grim news about the dead President, Angie fell to her knees.

---Which wouldn't be the first time.

---I was on a class trip to the public library when the news came out. Suddenly, all the librarians were huddled around and crying.

---I figured that I forgot to return a book.

---"I promise. I'll return "Henry Huggins" by Beverly Cleary next time."

---There was admittedly a lot of confusion last Friday. At one point, somebody thought TV game show host Tom Kennedy had been shot.

---You don't say?

---Then, we heard all about the assassin. Somebody said it was a person with three names.

---I was convinced they were going to arrest Mary Tyler Moore.

---Of course, we'll never know what really happened. Because that Jack Ruby silenced him for life.

---The police all knew Ruby because he runs a bunch of strip joints in Dallas. But, I'm thinking they know him not because they've raided the place.

---Let's face it. Cops love that holy trinity. Handcuffs, a naked girl, and a pole.

---The last thing Kennedy heard before the gun shots came from the Texas Governor's wife: "Mr. President, you can't say Dallas doesn't love you."

---Except maybe for that guy up in the window with the rifle.

---My father's reaction to the news: "This is why we don't have a convertible."

---The Dallas Police Force looked like an episode of "Car 54." Was that Toody and Muldoon escorting Oswald out?

---"Ooooh, ooooh, Francis, this is the guy who shot the President."

---I saw the shooting live on TV and immediately called for my grandparents to come watch. My grandfather's reaction?


---Which was basically who my grandfather blamed everything on.

---Elvis Presley?




---Liz Taylor breaking up Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds?


---Don't you think that, at least once on the flight back from Dallas upon Air Force One, Jackie looked down at her dress and thought "gee, I'll never get these stains out."

---And, come on, Mrs. K, pink after Labor Day???

---Or is it "no white after Labor Day?" I forget. I missed the last episode of "Girl Talk" with Virginia Graham.

---So, there is such a thing as a Texas School Book? Is that different from a New York School Book? Does every state have their own school book?

---And you thought Khrushchev's wife was ugly? Ladies and gentlemen, the new First Lady of the United States, Lady Bird Johnson.

---Wouldn't that make the President Lord Bird Johnson?

---When the new First Couple landed in Washington DC on Friday, he asked for our help and God's.

---And maybe also a little assistance from Max Factor for the missus.

---I'm curious what the scene was like in Hyannis Port when they told the old man JFK was dead.

---"Mr. Kennedy, they've shot the President."

---"Yeah, I know. Lincoln."

---Then he threw some oatmeal at his nurse and promptly took a nap.

---With all TV programming cancelled for the weekend, CBS finally figured out a way to beat "Bonanza" in the ratings.

---Now CBS Chairman Bill Paley wants to know if we can shoot a President every week.

---As for me, I'm focusing only on good news for the rest of the week.


Kudos again to the Bibster for his invaluable assistance in another one of these historic Wednesdays.

Dinner last night: Chicken tenders from Islands.

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