In 1937, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" was the big holiday movie at the fabulous Carthay Circle theater in Los Angeles. This palace was torn down before I got to it. Its place is now occupied by a dreary office building.
And speaking of dreary, here's what will dirtying our screens this holiday season. Oh, there might be an Oscar contender or two in the mix. But, for the most part, it's coal in all our cinematic stockings. I'll tackle the November releases today.
Precious: Have you heard? I already reviewed this here. And I have one nagging question: do movie theater concession stands take food stamps? (Running now) Disney's A Christmas Carol: In 3-D, for Pete's sake! Meanwhile, all the clips I've seen make me think there isn't a single shot that doesn't feature some cheesy special effect. Groan. Rent the old version with Reginald Owen. Or even the 1962 cartoon with Mister Magoo. (Running now) The Men Who Stare at Goats: Probably are the same guys who were hanging around the girls dorm at Fordham. (Running now) Dare: Emily Rossum as an overachieving teen in a high school love triangle. Two counts that I have absolutely no identification with. (Today) Oh, My God?: A documentary on celebrities' views on faith. Praying to the altar of Saint Botox. (Today) The Messenger: A soldier just back from Iraq joins the Army's Casualty Notification service. Oh, it's a comedy. The Messenger? Go ahead and shoot. (Today) Pirate Radio: Phillip Seymour Hoffman as an American DJ in 1960s England. An American Wolfman Jack in London. (Today) 2012: A disaster movie tied to the global doomsday date of December 12, 2012. For those who thought November 2008 wasn't bad enough. (Today) Uncertainty: Never title your movie with a word like this. It can be too easily used for gags in a bad review. (Today) Women in Trouble: Ten women keep bumping into each other over the course of a day. Directed by the guy who did "Snakes on a Plane." And somewhere buried in those two sentences is a very funny joke. (Today) Fantastic Mr. Fox: And it really is a fox. No play on words. Stop action dreck that will make kids think that this is a lovable animal. And then some poor moppet will try to pet one at the zoo and get mauled. There is a reason they are called WILD animals. (Today) Bad Lieutenant Port of Call New Orleans: Nicolas Cage as a good man gone bad in post-Katrina New Orleans. Have you noticed that we can't get away from mentioning that hurricane in movies now? Yet, the one movie I want to see has yet to be made. About the super corrupt city government that ignored the fact that those levees were damaged for the past 50 years. As far as I'm concerned, let's just make sure Emeril gets out safe and then we blow the place off the map for good. (November 20) The Blind Side: I've seen the trailers for this garbage and was actually predicting lines of dialogue. It is that obvious. The always awful Sandra Bullock as some Southern snob takes in a fat, friendless, and homeless Black kid from the streets. Yeah, sure. Meanwhile, the self-serving Ms. Bullock in real life probably lives in a big Bel Air mansion behind a huge wall with lots of security. True Hollywood phoniness. Just like when the Kennedys were championing civil rights while employing lots of Black people to clean their own bathrooms. (November 20) Broken Embraces: Penelope Cruz, Spanish director Pedro Almodovar, and probably Not Me. (November 20) The Twilight Saga New Moon: Here it comes again. Rhetorical question: do teenage vampires get acne? (November 20) The Missing Person: A post 9/11 thriller with Michael Shannon and Amy Ryan. And that reminds me of this great screenplay idea that I have. A guy, working in the World Trade Center, uses the disaster as a way to start his life over. Everybody thinks he's dead, but he's not. Interested? Please call my agent at 310-***-*****. (November 20) Mammoth: Just three weeks after it opened, is there a sequel already to "Precious?" (November 20) Planet 51: Dwayne Johnson as an alien invader in an animated family film set in a world inhabited by little green people. Maybe Al Gore can be President there. (November 20) Until the Light Takes Us: A documentary about black metal, a genre born in early '90s Norway. That's a long way of saying "I'll pass." (November 20) Staten Island: All I know is that it's down around Brooklyn someplace. (November 20) Me and Orson Welles: A first hand look at a Pink's Hot Dog. Actually, the real plot about a kid who joins Welles' Mercury Theater acting group sounds interesting enough for me. (November 25) Ninja Assassin: Running away from any theater playing this. Chop chop. (November 25) Old Dogs: Comedy with Robin Williams and John Travolta. No new tricks. (November 25) The Road: Viggo Mortensen as a dad guiding his son through a postapocalyptic world. Also for those who thought November 2008 wasn't bad enough. (November 25) The Princess and the Frog: Disney goes ghetto. This cartoon, a spin on the old story, has gotten a lot of heat because the Princess is a Black girl. Expect lots of other remakes. Snow White and the Seven Muggers. Pi'Nocchio. And, of course, there's always the Jungle Book. With an all new rap score and set in the south side of Chicago. (November 25) The Private Lives of Pippa Lee: Ensemble drama starring Julianne Moore, Keanu Reeves, Blake Lively, and Alan Arkin. One of them is playing Pippa. That's just a guess on my part. (November 27)
Dinner last night: Frankfurters.
3 comments:
I don't get the Fordham reference.
BTW: "The Blind Side" is actually based on a real occurrence and comes from a book by Michael Lewis ("Moneyball"). I have no use for Sandra Bullock either, but this really did happen. I suspect the book is way better than the movie.
"Based on a true story" is just another Hollywood lie. My last bowel movement really happened, but it doesn't deserve a movie.
Another movie you will need to kill me to see.
Post a Comment