Wednesday, November 4, 2009

If It Were Wednesday, October 22, 1969...

The MLB Network provided me with a great World Series diversion this past weekend. They reran NBC's complete coverage of the 1969 World Series. All five games. Thankfully, the Mets still won. I was sent soaring back to my childhood. And I got to thinking. What if I were blogging then? And it was the Wednesday following the Mets' Game 5 win on Thursday, October 16. That entry may have sounded a little like this...

---METS! METS! METS!

---Take that, all you assholes on my block. Where are the Yankees this year? Heh? Heh? Heh?

---Yes, folks, this is Smugness, Third Period. There will be no quiz today.

---The Orioles scored only nine runs the entire Series. The only trouble is four of them were in the first game.

---Somebody needed to tell them that the Vietnam Moratorium last week was for the war, not base hits.

---If Swoboda doesn't make that diving catch in Game 4, that ball rolls all the way to the World's Fair Unisphere.

---Where the ball would be promptly mugged at gunpoint.

---Every time Manager Gil Hodges goes to the mound, he walks like he has a load in his pants.

---The entire Met team sang on Ed Sullivan's show Sunday night. Except they superimposed their birth names. Don Dyer. Frank McGraw. George Seaver.

---Later on, they did the same when Topo Gigio made his weekly appearance. And who knew that his real name was Leon Horowtiz?

---Watching the Series games on TV, I loved all the celebrities who came out to cheer on the Mets.

---Where were you in August?

---In 1966?

---When it was cold and rainy??

---Just what the hell is a Toots Shor anyway?

---I noticed that Jackie Onassis was sitting just a few seats away from Chief Justice Earl Warren. I can hear Jackie calling to him now.

---"Yo, Mr. Chief Justice, just one gunman? Phooey!!"

---Anybody know what Casey Stengel was talking about???

---I still think we should send him to the Paris Peace Talks.

---That would be one way to beat the North Vietnamese.

---"No more old man preese. We surrender. Big white flag."

---Er, what's with the pom pom hat, Nancy Seaver? Just who is your wardrobe consultant? Spanky from the Little Rascals?

---By the way, to all my teachers who assigned me homework during the World Series, none of you will be signing my yearbook.

---I really could have waited on the slavery chapter. After all, it's long gone and I'm betting we'll even have a Black president some day.

---As long as it's not one of the two goons who stole my bookbag in the cafeteria.

---And an addendum to those two thieves: My baptized name is not "White Mother Fucker."

---Who the hell is this singer Oliver and what's with the crappy song?

---"Jean, Jean, Jean, Jean, Jean...."

---How many weeks did it take you to write that lyric?

---Renowned beatnik Jack Kerouac kicked the bucket.

---His name sounds like something I took when I had the chicken pox.

---"Rub this kerouac on your arms and the itching should stop."

---This guy was a slob, so Mr. Undertaker, you don't need to do the complete clean and rinse.

---Jack may be dead, but Beatle spokespeople are insisting that Paul McCartney is not. Lots of nuts are claiming there are all sorts of clues on record covers.

---What the heck? Maybe he does like to watch across the street barefoot.

---And you know what you really hear when you play "I Am the Walrus" at a really slow speed?

---IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSS.

---Even at that speed, it's a lot better than...

---"Jean, Jean, Jean, Jean, Jean..."

---How come no one is suggesting that Jean is dead?

---If Paul really was dead, don't you think that Pete Best would be putting his resume in the mail right now?

---ABC has announced that they will turn "The Odd Couple" into a weekly TV show.

---Can't they leave well enough alone? It was a success as a play and then a movie. How the heck will it work on television???

Many thanks to the Bibster for some of the historical research. I wish I knew you then. We would have had such fun.

Dinner last night: Turkey club panini at the Westin Galleria Hotel in Dallas.

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