Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Wha'cha Talkin' About, Wednesday?

I guess it really will be different strokes for Gary Coleman. In the prison shower.

---Arrested again. And, for me, there is nothing more fun than a celebrity mug shot.

---I'm guessing there's some big and burly convict already licking his chops. And ready to shell Gary like a peanut at a baseball game.

---Todd Bridges was a convict. Dana Plato was a suicidal mess. And now this...

---Just what the hell was Conrad Bain doing to these kids?

---Gary was busted for creating a disturbance.

---And Charlie Sheen is out on bail???

---Well, they say 83 million people watched that Haiti telethon last week.

---I guess I would have made that 83 million plus one. But, I had other important plans.

---Like cleaning my electric razor.

---I'm sorry for all the devastation down at that armpit in the Caribbean, but, once you read all about the corruption in the government, I'm not feeling so bad.

---Both Clinton and Bush tried to give that country funds over the past twenty years. And it got squandered by the ruling families in charge.

---Oh, well, could-a, would-a, should-a. Now Haiti can be proud. They have the world's largest open air mausoleum.

---I'm supposing that most of the survivors will have Mount Vernon, New York addresses by the end of the year.

---To me, the Haitian government and the New Orleans City Council are interchangeable. Two bunches of assholes who sell their citizens down the river.

---So to speak.

---Has we passed the expiration date for feeling bad about Hurricane Katrina? E-mail me please.

---Meanwhile, all the earthquakes down there might simply be Teddy Kennedy rolling over in his grave.

---If the state of Massachusetts, which is the unofficial headquarters for screaming, wild-eyed liberals, can elect a Republican, that should give you a rough idea how the rest of the country is feeling.

---All my kooky pastor, who is as nutty as a leftie can be, could focus on was Scott Brown's nude centerfold.

---If it was a Democrat taking his clothes off in a magazine, she would have said it was an expression of artistry.

---But, frankly, who wanted to see Teddy Kennedy naked?

---Other than some twenty-year-old on the beach at Hyannis Port?

---Or some cute waitress at a Starbucks on the Cape?

---Or that perky intern from Georgetown Law School?

---Just so you know, I've raised my personal terror level to "orange."

---Bin Laden has announced that he was behind the Christmas Day bombing.

---I think I even saw his name stenciled onto the underwear.

---I guess that's how you keep your laundry sorted when you're out in the hills of Afghanistan.

---Who took a bigger hit last week? Obama or Leno?

---Frankly, if they wanted to remove Obama from the White House and move him into the 1130PM time slot on NBC, I'd be fine with that.

---Joe Biden kind of reminds me of Ed McMahon anyway.

---My mother had a better handle on economics than Obama.

---Translation: my mother couldn't balance a checkbook ever.

---Mom was also the class mother when I was in the fifth grade. What significance does that have?

---She didn't need a teleprompter when she talked to the class.

---Who screwed more people in 2009? The White House or Tiger Woods. Please discuss.

---It's official. I never saw a single second of Conan O'Brien hosting the Tonight Show.

---I love all these stand-up comics who are backing Conan and dissing Leno.

---I can remember when Conan first got his show. And the same stand-up comics were bitching because Conan had never once done a stand-up act anywhere.

---It's tough to feel sorry for somebody with a 25 million dollar severence package.

---I wonder if he insisted that NBC pick up his COBRA payments.

Dinner last night: Steak and salad.


Anonymous said...

Yes, the time to pity Hurricane Katrina "victims" has officially expired. They got their FEMA checks, their trailers, and loads of other freebies that seem reserved for blacks and paid for by whites.

Get used to supporting our 51st state--Haiti. The handouts will never stop. And what a coincidence--they're black.

And if there's any cash left in your wallet, send it to Darfur and the rest of Africa. Guess who lives there.

And save a buck or two for the black guy at your ATM who will ask you to "help a brother out."

Anonymous said...

Gary Coleman, please pick up your Black Fuckups Hall of Fame plaque and certificate. Thank you.