Each year, Lorraine, Dennis, and I predict the nominations in the top six categories. We then each take our count of correct guesses into Oscar night when we then try and prognosticate the winners for all awards. The one with the most points wins. At some point, the two losers buy the winner a meal. I've been winning most years and my two chums must think that my Hollywood placement gives me a leg up. Heck, it's not like Academy voters are slipping me inside dope underneath a bathroom stall in Boa Steakhouse. Truth be told, it's not that difficult to guess what these morons are thinking in Tinseltown.
Well, anyway, here are my nomination picks. Dennis and Lorraine are reading them for the first time as well. I'll do absolutely anything to boost blog readership.
Let's start with the biggest category of all, which now contains ten nominees. It's amazing to think that there are a total of ten good movies in any year, but I was not consulted on the new ruling.
BEST PICTURE
1. BLACK SWAN: I have yet to see this. Most are raving about it. Except, while I was in physical therapy one day, I overheard two ballet dancers talking about how ludicrous the movie was. Still, it's got a whole shitload of buzz.
2. THE FIGHTER: A wonderful example of how the Academy mistakes a weak script and gross overacting for a good film. It was okay, but certainly not worth the hype.
3. INCEPTION: As the Academy gets younger and younger, we will see more evidence of them nominating video games for Best Picture. This movie was virtually incomprehensible, but, if you're an Academy voter under 30, you will vote for it. A huge and utter mess to anybody else.
4. THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT: The movie, however, was not. Never has so much praise been dumped onto so mediocre a movie. But, if you're an Academy voter in a serious same sex relationship, you will vote for it. That's probably half the Academy membership.
5. THE KING'S SPEECH: Arguably the best movie to be produced in 2010. Terrific story, remarkable acting, and educational to boot.
6. 127 HOURS: I have yet to see this movie, mainly because I have either just eaten or about to eat. Also known as "Amputation for Dummies." I'm sure it's decent and, with ten slots, it will likely sneak in. I will wait to Netflix it so I can easily go into another room for long stretches.
7. THE SOCIAL NETWORK: It cleaned up at the Golden Globes, but what do reporters from Argentina know? A great commercial movie that makes you want to delete your Facebook account as soon as you get home.
8. THE TOWN: Once again, with ten slots, shit will seep through a leak in any septic tank. Except for that Fenway Park heist at the end, this film is largely uninteresting. It will also win for "Most Excessively Foul Language Ever."
9. TRUE GRIT: I have yet to sample this remake, but I hear the acting carries it over the top. Or at least to this list of nominees.
10. TOY STORY 3: For the third installment of a movie concept, this was amazingly clever and original. Also one of the best pictures I saw in 2010. It will get named in this category and probably win the award for Best Animated Feature.
BEST DIRECTOR
1. DARREN ARONOFSKY, BLACK SWAN: I hear the movie ultimately comes off like a horror film.
2. DAVID FINCHER, THE SOCIAL NETWORK: Everybody wants to confirm him as a friend.
3. TOM HOOPER, THE KING'S SPEECH: Thhhhaatt's all, folks.
4. CHRISTOPHER NOLAN, INCEPTION: Although I have no clue why.
5. DAVID O'RUSSELL, THE FIGHTER: I struggled over this fifth nominee. I would not be surprised if it goes to the Coen Brothers for True Grit. But, something tells me this guy will sneak in. If you're an Academy voter who roots for the Boston Red Sox, you will vote for O'Russell.
BEST ACTOR
1. JESSE EISENBERG, THE SOCIAL NETWORK: An easy category to call. Jesse's a lock.
2. JEFF BRIDGES, TRUE GRIT: Eyepatches always work. If he wins, I hope he thanks his stunt double because I know the guy.
3. COLIN FIRTH, THE KING'S SPEECH: The likely winner come Oscar night.
4. JAMES FRANCO, 127 HOURS: A disarming performance.
5. ROBERT DUVALL, GET LOW: Because he kept turning up on the buzz meter, I went to see this movie which few others did. A decent performance in a boring film. The scruffier the appearance, the better the Oscar odds. And, in this picture, Duvall looks like he's missing a whole month of Saturday baths.
BEST ACTRESS
1. ANNETTE BENING, THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT: Anybody see her accept at the Golden Globes? Her hair looked like she combed with one of those wire whisks you use to make chicken gravy.
2. JENNIFER LAWRENCE, WINTER'S BONE: I Netflixed this and was unimpressed. But, it's another hillbilly woman fighting for justice in the world. Elly May Clampett has gone to the Dark Side.
3. NATALIE PORTMAN, BLACK SWAN: Because everybody is telling me she can't miss.
4. NICOLE KIDMAN, RABBIT HOLE: The Academy never misses a chance to nominate Nicole, even though the Academy totally missed this movie. It was released to theaters for a grand total of about three hours.
5. LESLEY MANVILLE, ANOTHER YEAR: My longshot pick of the year. Every time she is on the screen in this terrific but thoroughly depressing movie, you cannot look away from the screen.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
1. CHRISTIAN BALE, THE FIGHTER: Way, way over-the-top performance and borderline histrionic. He is not acting, but mimicking the real life person he is playing. If impersonation wins awards, how come Rich Little and Fred Travalena never got Oscars?
2. ANDREW GARFIELD, THE SOCIAL NETWORK: Along with Eisenberg, the other anchor of this movie.
3. JEREMY RENNER, THE TOWN: F^ck, f*ck, f$ck, f#ck. And that's pretty much Renner's entire role in this film.
4. GEOFFREY RUSH, THE KING'S SPEECH: My choice to win. But, psst, I'm not a member of the Academy.
5. MICHAEL DOUGLAS, WALL STREET NEVER SLEEPS: The announcement that he is finished with his cancer treatment coincided with this movie coming out on DVD. And both happened when ballots went out. Hollywood never misses an opportunity for a real-life sob story.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
1. AMY ADAMS, THE FIGHTER: Like Thelma Ritter during the 1950s, they just love to nominate her.
2. HELENA BONHAM CARTER, THE KING'S SPEECH: The Queen Mum may not have to abdicate.
3. MILA KUNIS, BLACK SWAN: No clue, but I am simply doing what I have read.
4. MELISSA LEO, THE FIGHTER: More screaming in a category where those kinds of roles usually score high.
5. HAILEE STEINFELD, TRUE GRIT: Everybody tells me this kid steals the movie, so why not? Once again, in this category, young girls are never ever ignored.
Check back on Tuesday to find out just how "right" I am.
Dinner last night: Grilled pork chop, home fried potatoes, and Chinese kale.
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