Good luck keeping that commandment. I actually saw the 1956 DeMille movie about a month ago on a big screen here in Los Angeles. Movies that were big and fun to see. As opposed to today, when they're still big but a torture to sit through.
You know our monthly drill by now. I'll scurry through the Los Angeles Times movie pages and give you my gut reaction on what's playing this weekend. And may the Red Sea swallow up all of it.
The Words: A writer at the peak of his literary success discovers the steep price he must pay for stealing another man's work. And I hear that's the problem with this movie. The script. Or...the words.
For A Good Time, Call...: Another theater's box office.
Premium Rush: Reviewed here previously. A taut little thriller that simply wants to entertain you. Can you imagine that?
Celeste and Jesse Forever: Or, at least, until theaters dump this dreary romantic comedy and it winds up on DVD and cable.
The Master: A Naval veteran arrives home from war unsettled and uncertain of his future - until he is tantalized by The Cause and its charismatic leader. Paul Thomas Anderson directs this shot at Scientology. This is the movie Tom Cruise doesn't want you to see.
Trouble with the Curve: A non-directing gig for Clint Eastwood as he plays a crochety baseball scout. Democrats would argue that he also has trouble with the fastball.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower: Trust me. There are none.
Paranorman: A misunderstood boy, takes on ghosts, zombies and grown-ups to save his town from a centuries-old curse. Apparently starring Paul Ryan.
The Odd Life of Timothy Green: A childless couple bury a box in their backyard, containing all of their wishes for an infant. Soon, a child is born, though Timothy Green is not all that he appears. The movie that Planned Parenthood doesn't want you to see.
Lawless: Our country in about two years.
Resident Evil - Retribution: Alice fights alongside a resistance movement in the continuing battle against the Umbrella Corporation and the undead. Sounds like a metaphor for this year's Presidential campaign. What do the exact polls say about Alice?
House at the End of the Street: A mother and daughter move to a new town and find themselves living next door to a house where a young girl murdered her parents. When the daughter befriends the surviving son, she learns the story is far from over. Meanwhile, has anybody seen the paperboy?
17 Girls: A group of young women make a pact to get pregnant at the same time. Before you start worrying about where the decency of America has gone, this movie comes from France. Naturally.
You May Not Kiss the Bride: An unassuming pet photographer is thrown into serious action, adventure and romance when he's forced to marry a Croatian bride and spend his honeymoon at a remote tropical resort where she is kidnapped. Unfortunately, we can't blame this one on another country. Sorry, gang, it's all ours.
How to Survive a Plague: The story of two coalitions -- ACT UP and TAG (Treatment Action Group) -- whose activism and innovation turned AIDS from a death sentence into a manageable condition. Of course, this is a documentary. Seems like just yesterday when that disease started making the rounds.
Head Games: A documentary that follows football player and wrestler Chris Nowinski's quest to uncover the truth about the consequences of sports related head injuries. Meanwhile, most of the sports-related concussions happen to the fans in the parking lots around the stadium.
The Expendables 2: Back again! Stallone! Willis! Lundgren! Norris! Jet Li! Arnold! Van Damme! Not Me!!
Finding Nemo 3D: Because every single movie ever made has to be redone with 3D effects.
The Possession: A young girl buys an antique box at a yard sale, unaware that inside the collectible lives a malicious ancient spirit. The girl's father teams with his ex-wife to find a way to end the curse upon their child. Paging Linda Blair! Paging Linda Blair!
Last Ounce of Courage: The son of a fallen soldier, years after his father's death, tries to reconnect with his grandfather, who is still grieving the loss of his child. I see Jennifer O'Neill in the ad. Hey now! Welcome back.
The Cold Light of Day: After his family is kidnapped during their sailing trip in Spain, a young Wall Street trader is confronted by the people responsible: intelligence agents looking to recover a mysterious briefcase. The movie Bernie Madoff doesn't want you to see. Well, he can't. Jail, you know.
2016 - Obama's America: Reviewed here recently. A much more level-headed and intelligent documentary than the left would want you to think. More professional than anything that fat oaf Michael Moore ever produced.
Hope Springs: Still around after its summer release, so, yes, it is apparently eternal.
Arbitrage: A troubled hedge fund magnate desperate to complete the sale of his trading empire makes an error that forces him to turn to an unlikely person for help. A movie ripped right out of yesterday's newspaper and, hey, I wasn't finished with the Sudoku puzzle yet.
Dredd 3D: In a violent, futuristic city where the police have the authority to act as judge, jury and executioner, a cop teams with a trainee to take down a gang that deals the reality-altering drug, SLO-MO. Dredd as in dread.
Unconditional: A woman's idyllic life is shattered when her husband is killed in a senseless act of violence. As she prepares to take matters into her own hands, two unexpected encounters begin to change everything. Another reason why snooze alarms need to be installed in all movie theaters.
My Uncle Rafael: A desperate TV producer convinces an old Armenian Uncle to star in a new reality show. Cultures collide when Uncle Rafael is thrown into the Schumacher family household where he has one week to save a broken and dysfunctional American family from falling apart. If it's a comedy, I'm very interested. If it's a drama, I could care less.
Backwards: When a fiercely competitive 30 year old rower fails to make the Olympic boat for the second time, she takes a coaching job at a school but struggles to adjust to life off the race course. See previous comment about snooze buttons. Also, an additional warning: James Van Der Beek is in this.
End of Watch: Two young officers are marked for death after confiscating a small cache of money and firearms from the members of a notorious cartel, during a routine traffic stop. Just another routine day for LAPD. It stars Jake Gyllenhaal and Anna Kendrick. The latter means I just might have to see this. I think she's cute.
Serving Up Richard: Everett and Glory Hutchins live in a typical middle class neighborhood. Maybe your neighborhood. The Hutchins have a "guestroom" in their home. It's not exactly a business. It's a hobby. Or.....would you say religion? You see, Everett and Glory are practicing cannibals. Hmm, better not stop at the concession stand for a hot dog before this one.
Almost Perfect: A 30-something career woman tries to find the balance between her demanding family and her perfect new boyfriend. The director's name is Bertha Bay-Sa Pan. I wonder if she comes with noodles.
Masquerade: All about some nonsense from 17th Century Korea. The director's name is Chang-min Choo. Gesundheit.
West of Thunder: South Dakota 1899. A mysterious stranger visits a small town on the outskirts of the Lakota Pine Ridge Reservation and brings with him a terrible resolve. Starring Dan Duryea and Randolph Scott....if they were still alive.
Alps: A group of people start a business where they impersonate the recently deceased in order to help their clients through the grieving process. And, in Chicago, those same dead people are kept on the voting records for years.
Diana Vreeland - The Eye Has to Travel: A look at the life and work of the influential fashion editor of Harpers Bazaar, Diana Vreeland. ZZZZZZZZzzzz.
I told you about that snooze button.
Tears of Gaza: A documentary about violence in the Middle East. Given all the footage from Egypt last week, this movie is already out of date.
Liberal Arts: A college degree that is useless.
10 Years: The night before their high school reunion, a group of friends realize they still haven't quite grown up in some ways. This stars Channing Tatum. Consider that your final warning.
Robot and Frank: I saw this in New York two weeks ago. Frank Langella befriends a robot. Reminds me of the old TV show, "My Living Doll." Except the robot in this is no Julie Newmar. A quirky but amusing movie.
Dinner last night: Rotisserie chicken, broccoli pasta salad, and fruit from California Chicken Cafe.
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