Friday, February 28, 2014

If I Tweeted - February 2014

I don't, you know.  But, if I did, this was on my mind this past month.

#LenSpeaks  The ground hog saw his shadow.   Three more years of Barack Obama.

#LenSpeaks  Global warming is here.   Temperatures all over the United States are below freezing.

#LenSpeaks  With all the white stuff in Washington, DC, it's no wonder the President likes to be out of town.

#LenSpeaks  Michelle Obama has gone skiing again.  Break a leg.  Please.

#LenSpeaks  I got upgraded to Business Class on my flight to NY.   My seat mate sneezed and coughed all the way across.  

#LenSpeaks  How come people in Business Class don't have any?

#LenSpeaks  Wound up with my first cold in two years.  Thank you very much, Asswipe in Seat 9G.

#LenSpeaks   Sudafed Sinus tablets are the bomb.

#LenSpeaks  During this cold, there are colors coming out of me that I didn't even know existed.

#LenSpeaks  There were two nine-inch snowfalls in NY before I arrived.  Mounds of snow all over Manhattan.

#LenSpeaks  The new asshole mayor of NY is getting pounded left and right for snow removal and refusal to close schools.  He is being "Lindsay-ed."

#LenSpeaks New York City schools have closed due to snow just 11 times since 1978.  And the question is....why not?

#LenSpeaks This DeBlasio seems to be as big a jerk as Chris Christie.  Pound for pound.

#LenSpeaks  New York City is livable just two weeks a year.  In May and in October.

#LenSpeaks  I looked up in Manhattan and found myself in awe of the new World Trade Center.  Do we get to keep this one, Al Qaida scumbags?

#LenSpeaks  American Airlines misplaced my luggage in Columbus, Ohio.  Which is redundant in itself.

#LenSpeaks  On my way back to LAX, we landed in a raging snowstorm in Ohio.
Which is redundant in itself.

#LenSpeaks  Looking out my plane window, I was reliving the last ten minutes of the movie "Airport."  Except, sadly, Jacqueline Bisset wasn't my flight attendant.

#LenSpeaks  Note to my seat mate in Business Class on my way back to LA:  Sneeze once and I will kill you.

#LenSpeaks  It took less time for my lost luggage to get from Ohio to California than it did for it to travel from LAX to my home ten minutes away.

#LenSpeaks  Checking on my luggage's progress, I told the dispatcher that he had an idiot working for him.  His response?  "Probably."

#LenSpeaks  I'm a proud non-watcher of the Winter Olympics.

#LenSpeaks  I don't eat sushi and I don't watch Sochi.

#LenSpeaks  I saw photos of some of these Russian ice dancers and all of them should see if Shia LaBoeuf has any spare paper bags to wear.

#LenSpeaks  Seriously, all of these skaters look like that ugly broad who does the Progressive car insurance ads.

#LenSpeaks  That idiot Bob Costas had to step aside as Olympics host when he got some nasty pink eye.

#LenSpeaks  Hey, Bob, you do realize how you get pink eye, right?   Yep, always remember to wash your hands after a bowel movement.

#LenSpeaks  They replaced Costas with Matt Lauer and that means you don't need an IQ of more than 10 to be on prime time TV during the Olympics.

#LenSpeaks  Piers Morgan is leaving his CNN show.  Raise your hand if you care.

#LenSpeaks  I see none.

#LenSpeaks  In Dodger training camp, Sandy Koufax got whacked in the head by a line drive off the bat of Andre Ethier.

#LenSpeaks  And everybody thought that Ethier couldn't hit lefties. 

#LenSpeaks  Somebody actually told me that Black people get cheated because Black History Month only has 28 days.  Really???

Dinner last night:  Had a big lunch, so just a salad.         



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