769: THE LATERAN COUNCIL CONDEMNED THE COUNCIL OF HIERIA AND ANATHEMATIZED ITS ICONOCLASTIC RULINGS.
I have no idea what I just typed.
1450: TOWARD THE END OF THE HUNDRED YEARS' WAR, THE FRENCH ATTACK AND NEARLY ANNIHILATE ENGLISH FORCES, ENDING ENGLISH DOMINATION IN NORTHERN FRANCE.
Hard to believe that the French could put up a strong fight for anything.
1452: PAINTER LEONARDO DA VINCI IS BORN.
Hey, Lenny, come on down from the ladder. We've decided to wallpaper.
1638: TOKUGAWA SHOGUNATE FORCES PUT DOWN THE SHIMABARA REBELLION WHEN THEY RETAKE HARA CASTLE FROM THE REBELS.
What about the local White Castle?
1715: THE POCOTALIGO MASSACRE TRIGGERS THE START OF THE YAMASEE WAR IN COLONIAL SOUTH CAROLINA.
Yamasee, Go Home.
1755: SAMUEL JOHNSON'S DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS PUBLISHED IN LONDON.
When it was actually chic to speak English.
1783: PRELIMINARY ARTICLES OF PEACE ENDING THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION ARE RATIFIED.
Also written in English. The good old days.
1802: WILLIAM WORDSWORTH AND HIS SISTER DOROTHY SEE A LONG BELT OF DAFFODILS, INSPIRING THE FORMER TO PEN "I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD."
In 2015, he could save all his poetry on the Cloud.
1861: PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN CALLS FOR 75,000 VOLUNTEERS TO QUELL THE INSURRECTION THAT WOULD BECOME THE CIVIL WAR.
75,000....or essentially the paid attendance to one month's worth of Met games at Citi Field.
1865: PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN DIES AFTER BEING SHOT THE PREVIOUS EVENING BY JOHN WILKES BOOTH.
That's the last time I'm going to order those box seats.
1892: THE GENERAL ELECTRIC COMPANY IS FORMED.
That's a bright idea.
1896: CLOSING CEREMONY OF THE GAMES OF THE FIRST OLYMPIAD IN GREECE.
Well, they had to start some time.
1912: THE RMS TITANIC SINKS TWO HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES AFTER HITTING AN ICEBERG. ONLY 710 ON BOARD SURVIVE.
What iceberg?
1917: ACTOR HANS CONRIED DIES
Uncle Tonoose!
1920: TWO SECURITY GUARDS ARE MURDERED DURING A MASSACHUSETTS ROBBERY. ANARCHISTS SACCO AND VANZETTI WOULD BE CONVICTED AND EXECUTED FOR THE CRIME.
If they lived today, they'd have a show on MSNBC.
1923: INSULIN BECOMES GENERALLY AVAILABLE FOR USE BY PEOPLE WITH DIABETES.
Wow, that drug's been around a long time.
1924: RAND MCNALLY PUBLISHES HIS FIRST ROAD ATLAS.
Way to go. Or...maybe...there's another way to go.
1927: THE GREAT MISSISSIPPI FLOOD, THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE RIVER FLOOD IN US HISTORY, BEGINS.
That's why my ankles are wet.
1936: AER LINGUS IS FOUNDED BY THE IRISH GOVERNMENT AS THE NATIONAL AIRLINE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND.
O'fly me.
1945: THE BERGEN-BELSEN CONCENTRATION CAMP IS LIBERATED.
Whoa! What happened here???!!!
1947: JACKIE ROBINSON DEBUTS FOR THE BROOKLYN DODGERS, BREAKING BASEBALL'S COLOR LINE.
And all of MLB wears 42 today.
1955: THE FIRST MCDONALD'S RESTAURANT OPENS IN DES PLAINES, ILLINOIS.
One Served.
1964: THE FIRST FORD MUSTANG ROLLS OFF THE SHOW ROOM FLOOR, TWO DAYS BEFORE IT IS SET TO GO ON SALE.
And immediately depreciates in resale price.
1980: ACTOR RAYMOND BAILEY DIES.
Milburn Drysdale!
1980: WRITER JEAN-PAUL SARTRE DIES.
Existentialism kills.
1982: ACTOR SETH ROGEN IS BORN.
You miserable, talentless piece of shit.
1989: A HUMAN CRASH OCCURS AT A SOCCER MATCH IN LIVERPOOL. 96 FANS WERE KILLED.
What's the over/under on how many of them were drunk?
1990: ACTRESS GRETA GARBO DIES.
You want to be alone? Wish granted.
2001: SINGER JOEY RAMONE DIES.
You're more than sedated now.
Dinner last night: Leftover chicken and carrots.
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