This is a painting of Christopher Columbus. He discovered our country, so I guess he's the guy we blame.
1468: LIEGE IS SACKED BY CHARLES I OF BURGUNDY'S TROOPS.
Well, at least, Liege didn't fumble.
1493: CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS FIRST SIGHTS THE ISLAND OF DOMINICA IN THE CARIBBEAN SEAS.
Didn't he discover America in 1492? Gee, talk about taking the long way home.
1783: HIGHWAYMAN JOHN AUSTIN IS THE LAST PERSON TO BE PUBLICLY HANGED AT LONDON'S TYBURN GALLOWS.
All subsequent hangings were conducted via closed circuit television with special admission prices.
1793: FRENCH PLAYWRIGHT, JOURNALIST, AND FEMINIST OLYMPE DE GOUGES IS GUILLOTINED.
Killing feminists? Why did they stop this practice?
1838: THE TIMES OF INDIA IS FOUNDED AS THE BOMBAY TIMES.
And the very first comic strip in India detailed the adventures of Dagwood and Brunette Bumstead.
1883: IN THE WILD, WILD WEST, "BLACK BART" GETS AWAY WITH HIS LAST STAGECOACH ROBBERY, BUT LEAVES AN INCRIMINATING CLUE THAT EVENTUALLY LEADS TO HIS CAPTURE.
The clue was a piece of paper that said "Black Bart was here."
1903: WITH THE ENCOURAGEMENT OF THE UNITED STATES, PANAMA SEPARATES FROM COLOMBIA.
Unfortunately, America got stuck with custody of the kids.
1911: CHEVROLET OFFICIALLY ENTERS THE AUTOMOBILE MARKET IN COMPETITION WITH THE FORD MODEL T.
Interesting because the first recall was in 1910.
1913: THE UNITED STATES INTRODUCES AN INCOME TAX.
And they have never looked back.
1918: POLAND DECLARES ITS INDEPENDENCE FROM RUSSIA.
Another divorce and, unfortunately, America got stuck with custody of the kids.
1921: ACTOR CHARLES BRONSON IS BORN.
Birth wish.
1933: POLITICIAN MICHAEL DUKAKIS IS BORN.
And he was immediately behind by about 200 electoral votes.
1933: ACTRESS ANETA CORSAUT IS BORN.
Miss Crump!!!!!!!!
1943: DURING WORLD WAR II, 500 AIRCRAFT OF THE US 8TH AIR FORCE DEVASTATE GERMANY'S WILHELMSHAFEN HARBOR.
What goes around comes around. Eleven years later in the World Series, the Cleveland Indians are devastated by the Giants' Hoyt Wilhelm.
1957: THE SOVIET UNION LAUNCHES SPUTNIK 2. ON BOARD IS THE FIRST ANIMAL TO ENTER ORBIT, A DOG NAMED LAIKA.
The second animal to orbit the earth was astronaut John Glenn. Or so says Mrs. Glenn.
1957: LAIKA, THE FIRST MAMMAL TO ORBIT THE EARTH, DIES.
Well, that obviously didn't work.
1964: WASHINGTON DC RESIDENTS ARE ABLE TO VOTE IN A PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION FOR THE FIRST TIME.
I wish we could take it back.
1969: DURING THE VIETNAM WAR, PRESIDENT RICHARD M. NIXON ADDRESSES THE NATION ON TV AND RADIO, ASKING THE "SILENT MAJORITY" TO JOIN IN SOLIDARITY ON THE WAR EFFORT AND TO SUPPORT HIS POLICIES.
But, if somebody was supporting him, how did he hear it?
1986: THE FEDERATED STATES OF MICRONESIA GAIN INDEPENDENCE FROM THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
No big whoop, since, as far as I can tell, we didn't wind up with custody of a lot of Micronesians.
1990: BROADWAY ACTRESS MARY MARTIN DIES.
Washing a lot more than men out of her hair.
2006: COMPOSER PAUL MAURIAT DIES.
Love is blue. Death is a pasty yellow.
2014: ONE WORLD TRADE CENTER OPENS.
Okay, try and knock that one down.
2020: JOE BIDEN BEATS DONALD TRUMP IN THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.
The choice was...do you want your left leg amputated or your right one?
Dinner last night: Leftover chicken.
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