1327: TEENAGED EDWARD III IS CROWNED KING OF ENGLAND, BUT THE COUNTRY IS RULED BY HIS MOTHER QUEEN ISABELLA AND HER LOVER ROGER MORTIMER.
The first ever dysfunctional royal family.
1662: THE CHINESE GENERAL KXOINGA SEIZES THE ISLAND OF TAIWAN AFTER A NINE-MONTH SIEGE.
It took nine months to take over an island? What were they using for weapons? Spitballs?
1709: ALEXANDER SELKIRK IS RESCUED AFTER SHIPWRECKED ON A DESERT ISLAND, INSPIRING THE BOOK "ROBINSON CRUSOE" BY DANIEL DEFOE.
I once got lost in a parking garage, but nobody wrote a novel about that.
1790: IN NEW YORK CITY, THE SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES MEETS FOR THE FIRST TIME.
They probably hit a lunch recess twenty minutes later.
1793: DURING THE FRENCH REVOLUTIONARY WARS, FRANCE DECLARES WAR N THE UNITED KINGDOM AND THE NETHERLANDS.
As I write these historical entries Wednesday after Wednesday, one thing becomes crystal clear---France is annoying.
1796: THE CAPITAL OF UPPER CANADA IS MOVED FROM NEWARK TO YORK.
Since when are New Jersey and Pennsylvania part of Canada???
1835: SLAVERY IS ABOLISHED IN MAURITIUS.
It's a little island off Africa in the Indian Ocean, if you're wondering. The good news for me is that American Airlines doesn't use it as a hub.
1859: COMPOSER VICTOR HERBERT IS BORN.
He wrote Babes in Toyland, but I don't think he envisioned just how bad the Disney version with Tommy Sands and Annette would be.
1861: DURING THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR, TEXAS SECEDES FROM THE UNITED STATES.
There are some Texans who think they never came back to the union.
1884: THE FIRST VOLUME (A TO ANT) OF THE OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY IS PUBLISHED.
Gee, that must have been one slow rollout.
1893: THOMAS A. EDISON FINISHES CONSTRUCTION OF THE FIRST MOTION PICTURE STUDIO, THE BLACK MARIA, IN WEST ORANGE, NEW JERSEY.
I thought they called the wind Maria.
1894: DIRECTOR JOHN FORD IS BORN.
Did you know he used to shtupp Kate Hepburn? Saw it on a documentary. Who knew?
1901: ACTOR CLARK GABLE IS BORN.
And I don't give a damn.
1920: THE ROYAL CANADIAN MOUNTED POLICE BEGINS OPERATIONS.
And when did Guy Lombardo take over the orchestra?
1924: THE UNITED KINGDOM RECOGNIZES THE USSR.
Previously, they had no idea who they were.
1942: THE VOICE OF AMERICA BEGINS BROADCASTING WITH PROGRAMS AIMED AT AREAS CONTROLLED BY THE AXIS POWERS.
I wonder if their ratings were better than Radio Free Europe.
1954: ACTOR BILLY MUMY IS BORN.
He was lost in space with that fox Angela Cartwright. Yeah, I wish.
1958: EGYPT AND SYRIA MERGE TO FORM THE UNITED ARAB REPUBLIC, WHICH LASTED UNTIL 1961.
Three years? That's not long enough to syndicate the reruns.
1966: GOSSIP COLUMNIST HEDDA HOPPER DIES.
Let's take a poll. Buried with or without a hat?
1966: COMIC BUSTER KEATON DIES.
The stone face finally crumbles.
1968: LISA MARIE PRESLEY IS BORN.
And, like her dad, she died very young. But not in a bathroom.
1968: THE NEW YORK CENTRAL RAILROAD THE PENNSYLVANIA RAILROAD MERGE TO FORM THE ILL-FATED PENN CENTRAL.
Ill-fated means the system was a complete mess.
1978: DIRECTOR ROMAN POLANSKI SKIPS BAIL AND FLEES THE UNITED STATES TO FRANCE AFTER PLEADING GUILTY TO CHARGES OF ENGAGING IN SEX WITH A 13 YEAR-OLD GIRL.
Years later after all the scandals we have seen since, this is really no big deal.
1979: CONVICTED BANK ROBBER PATTY HEARST IS RELEASED FROM RPISON AFTER HER SENTENCE IS COMMUTED BY PRESIDENT JIMMY CARTER.
How is it she has yet to turn up on "Dancing with the Stars?"
1979: THE AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI IS WELCOMED BACK TO TEHRAN, IRAN AFTER NEARLY 15 YEARS OF EXILE.
Didn't John Sebastian write a song about this?
1988: POLTERGEIST CHILD ACTOR HEATHER O'ROURKE DIES.
They're here....and she's gone.
1998: REAR ADMIRAL LILLIAN E. FISHBURNE BECOMES THE FIRST FEMALE AFRICAN-AMERICAN TO BE PROMOTED TO REAR ADMIRAL.
It was either this promotion or a stool in the Inglewood post office.
2003: SPACE SHUTTLE COLUMBIA DISINTEGRATES DURING REENTRY INTO THE EARTH'S ATMOSPHERE, KILLING ALL SEVEN ASTRONAUTS ABOARD.
And, yet, space travel is still safer than driving around South Central after 6PM.
2012: TV PRODUCER DON CORNELIUS DIES.
Soul Train derailed.
2013: MAYOR ED KOCH DIES.
How's he doin'? Not so good.
2014: ACTOR MAXIMILLIAN SCHELL DIES.
Nuremberg was not his final judgment.
2021: ACTOR DUSTIN DIAMOND DIES.
Not saved by the bell.
Dinner last night: Breakfast for dinner. French toast.
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