Hollywood Then and Now - March 2023

The good news is that it's still there.  Doing what it's supposed to do.  Show movies and let tourists look at the footprints of stars.   And despite a myriad of owners, the Chinese Theater on Hollywood Boulevard still looks very much the same.

From its golden days as Grauman's.

 

Through its time under management of Mann's Theaters.

To its current day status and affiliation with IMAX.

God bless consistency.

Dinner last night:  Fried chicken sandwich at Dodger Opening Night.

Hope Springs Eternal

 

Shea Stadium on its opening day in 1964.   Everything fresh and new.  Just like a new baseball season starting today.  

Enjoy today.   Everybody is tied for first place.

Dinner last night:  Long flight back to LA....nothing really.

This Date in History - March 29

 

Happy birthday to Denny McLain, a baseball star who was in and out of jail more than a politician.

502:  KING GUNDOBAD ISSUES A NEW LEGAL CODE AT LYON THAT MAKES GALLO-ROMANS AND BURGUNDIANS SUBJECT TO THE SAME LAWS.

I'm just amused by the name Gundobad.

845:  PARIS IS SACKED BY VIKING RAIDERS, PROBABLY UNDER RAGNAR LODBROK, WHO COLLECTS A HUGE RANSOM IS EXCHANGE FOR LEAVING.

Viking Raiders?   That's like two NFL franchises in one.

1500:  CESARE BORGIA IS GIVEN THE TITLE OF CAPTAIN GENERAL AND GONFALONIER BY HIS FATHER RODRIGO BORGIA AFTER RETURNING FROM HIS CONQUESTS IN THE ROMAGNA.

I'm just amused by the title Gonfalonier.

1792:  KING GUSTAV III OF SWEDEN DIES AFTER BEING SHOT IN THE BACK AT A MIDNIGHT MASQUERADE BALL IN STOCKHOLM.

"I didn't see who did it.   They had a mask on."

1809:  KING GUSTAV IV ADOLF OF SWEDEN ABDICATES AFTER A COUP D'ETAT.

I wonder where he was on March 29, 1792.

1831:  GREAT BOSNIAN UPRISING - BOSNIAKS REBEL AGAINST TURKEY.

A good day to be a Bosniak.

1865:  AMERICAN CIVIL WAR - FEDERAL FORCES MOVE TO FLANK CONFEDERATE FORCES UNDER ROBERT E. LEE AS THE APPOMATTOX CAMPAIGN BEGINS.

It's almost over, old man.

1867:  PITCHER CY YOUNG IS BORN.

I wonder whose award he won.

1871:  ROYAL ALBERT HALL IS OPENED BY QUEEN VICTORIA.

And Prince Albert is still in a can.

1882:  THE KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS ARE ESTABLISHED.

Meetings every Tuesday night at the VFW.

1886:  JOHN PEMBERTON BREWS THE FIRST BATCH OF COCA-COLA IN A BACKYARD IN ATLANTA.

The pause that refreshed.

1891:  PAINTER GEORGES SEURAT DIES.

Sunday in the Cemetery with Georges.

1916:  POLITICIAN EUGENE MCCARTHY IS BORN.

Peace and love.

1918:  SINGER PEARL BAILEY IS BORN.

One of my grandmother's favorites.

1936:  IN GERMANY, ADOLF HITLER RECEIVES 99% OF THE VOTES IN A REFERENDUM TO RATIFY GERMANY'S REOCCUPATION OF THE RHINELAND.

The other 1% were shot.

1942:  THE BOMBING OF LUBECK IN WORLD WAR II IS THE FIRST MAJOR SUCCESS FOR THE RAF BOMBER COMMAND AGAINST GERMANY.

Well, they had to hit one sooner or later.

1944:  BASEBALL PITCHER DENNY MCLAIN IS BORN.

He pitched, played the organ, and got arrested for gambling...a lot.

1951:  ETHEL AND JULIUS ROSENBERG ARE CONVICTED OF CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT ESPIONAGE.

If they were still around, they'd be hosting a show on MSNBC.

1961:  THE 23RD AMENDMENT TO THE US CONSTITUTION IS RATIFIED, ALLOWING RESIDENTS OF WASHINGTON DC TO VOTE IN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS.

Oh, okay, if they insist.

1971:  MY LAI MASSACRE - LT. WILLIAM CALLEY IS CONVICTED OF PREMEDITATED MURDER AND SENTENCED TO LIFE IN PRISON.

Today, he'd be a host on Fox News.

1973:  THE LAST UNITED STATES COMBAT SOLDIERS LEAVE SOUTH VIET NAM.

It's about freakin' time.

1980:  MUSICAL CONDUCTOR MANTOVANI DIES.

Without a first name apparently.

1984:  THE BALTIMORE COLTS LOAD ITS POSSESSIONS ONTO MOVING TRUCKS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND HEAD TO INDIANAPOLIS.

Class act not.

1992:  ACTOR PAUL HENREID DIES.

Lots of acting roles, but best known for lighting cigarettes.

1999:  THE DOW JONES AVERAGE CLOSES ABOVE THE 10,000 MARK FOR THE FIRST TIME DURING THE HEIGHT OF THE DOT.COM BUBBLE.

http://thiswontlast.com.

2014:  THE FIRST SAME-SEX MARRIAGES IN ENGLAND AND WALES ARE PERFORMED.

Anybody know of a gay pub where they can celebrate?

2016:  ACTRESS PATTY DUKE DIES.

Here's Cathy who's lived most anywhere...until now.

2018:  BASEBALL STAR RUSTY STAUB DIES.

Have a baby back rib in his honor.

Dinner last night:  Chicken parm at Il Bacio in Bronxville.

Some Like It Somewhat

 

Another NY trip and another Broadway visitation.  And, this time, it was with much trepidation.

You really have to look with a magnifying glass to find an original production these days, especially on the musical side.  So many shows these days are what they call "jukebox" musicals...which use pop hits of current or latter days to flesh out the songs.   This is original?  Not so much.

One of the only shows right now with new lyrics and melodies is the new rendition of "Some Like It Hot."  Now you would think this was a no-brainer, but there is a built-in problem for yours truly.  You see, the 1959 film is number two on my list of all-time favorite movies.  Will I be a harsh critic?  Most likely.  Indeed, as I made plans to enter the Shubert Theater, I sort of felt like I was cheating on the legendary writer-director Billy Wilder.

And I am wondering if other people are feeling the same way.  On the day of the performance, we didn't have tickets yet.  I was told the show is not doing boffo box office.  And, looking at the show website at 12 noon, about two-thirds of the orchestra was still open.  Hmmm.  This prompted my friend to check out the old half-price TKTS line and she scored as close to house seats as you can get.  We were apparently not the only ones.  By 8PM, the theater was packed.  And, heck, these days, half-price tickets mean you're still paying upwards of a hundred bucks.  

The tepid box office is now a little more confusing to me, because, in reality, "Some Like It Hot" is decent entertainment.  Oh, sure, it's got some problems.  The show actually features TOO much music.  There are three production numbers too many.  Somebody needed to scream at the writers..."drop the pencil, please."

But the performances by the cast are spot-on and you get the sense that the producers are trying to hold on so they can score some inevitable Tony nominations.  The awards could potentially save the show from an ignoble demise.

Probably everybody knows the plot of "Some Like It Hot."  In Prohibition Chicago, two musicians witness a gangland slaying and are forced to hide out dressed as women in an all-girls jazz orchestra.  Done.  

But, in 2023, there are necessary boxes to click in order for your work to be produced in any medium.  First off, you need diversity.  So, the Jack Lemmon and Marilyn Monroe roles are now played by Blacks.   The Sweet Sue role is beefed up...literally and figuratively...and also played by a Black woman.   You have Lin-Manuel Miranda to thank and/or curse for this.  

But, in 2023, you also need a message to hammer at the audience and "Some Like It Hot" has a big one.  Now it's more than just hiding in women's wardrobe.  The Jack Lemmon role slowly starts to realize that he is more comfortable being a she.  And that ultimate revelation is met with a host of "bravos" from the audience.  Point taken.

None of the above does any real disservice to "Some Like It Hot." It has a wonderful old school feel to it.  Once again, it's the superlative cast that makes this work as much as it does.  Unfortunately, we got a pretty good understudy in the Tony Curtis part.  But J. Harrison Ghee is fantastic as Daphne/Jack Lemmon and is sure to win a Tony and, given his height, also a deal with some NBA franchise.  By the way, the actor does identify himself as "non-binary."

Adrianna Hicks does a good job with Sugar/Marilyn Monroe.  And NaTasha Yvette Williams (that's not a typo in the first name) is hilarious as Sweet Sue even if she appears to have wandered in from a 70s Norman Lear sitcom.  Of everybody, my absolute favorite for Tony Award glory is Kevin Del Aquila as Osgood Fielding.  He steals every scene he is in.  A personal bravo from yours truly.

Now, with regard to the original movie, the musical makes a few modifications.  The millionaire that Joe/Tony Curtis pretends to be is now a German director...a little homage to Billy Wilder.  And the gangster Spats Colombo is now not a bootlegger but a gambling night club owner.  None of these revisions bumped me a lot.

Except...

To me, the movie has three iconic moments that the musical should have kept totally intact.  Unfortunately, they booted two of the three with overkill.

For instance, in the movie, there is no better reveal than the first time you see Josephine and Daphne in women's clothing.  It comes up suddenly and still works every time you see the movie with an audience.  But, in the musical, they build a whole production number out of the two men putting on the clothing.  Less is more and the big surprise, even if you know it's coming, is ruined.

The second misstep is the well-known ending line where Osgood tells his girlfriend "nobody's perfect." I was waiting for it and hoping for sheer simplicity.  Instead, again, it becomes an unneeded production number around the words "nobody's perfect."   

The only legendary moment they don't botch is the one where Daphne announces she is engaged to Osgood.  Producers don't mess with the "who's the lucky girl?...I am" exchange because they know it will be met with rousing applause from today's audience.

So I liked it Hot.  Even if, in some spots, it was just a little warm.  If interested, please go.  You won't be disappointed.  And you probably won't be paying full price.

Dinner last night:  Hibachi steak at the Cheesecake Factory.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - March 27, 2023

Closing out our anniversary month of video laughs with perhaps the heartiest one.  Hello, Scarlet.

Dinner last night:  Leftover sausage and peppers.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - My First Job...Sort Of

 

So, this is not a blog entry on the Jerry Lewis movie, although I think my dad took me to see this as he begrudgingly did with every Jerry Lewis film that showed up at the Loews Theater in Mount Vernon, New York.

Nope, the errand boy we're talking about today is....me.

If you're a regular subscriber to my daily nonsense, you know that, back in the days of my youth, the world was a safer place and it was really not a big deal to send your child out into the world on his or her own.  I've told you in the past of my solo excursions to the public library or the local movie house all by my lonesome.  A ten-year-old free to roam the streets of my hometown.  

Of course, with that freedom, a curse also arrived.  If I was so self sufficient in my travels, I certainly could be used for purposes of convenience.

Yes, I was able to do errands for all the adults in my household.  And since I was the only kid residing on the premises, I had nobody to pass the buck to.  Yep, it stopped with me.

I became a quite handy tool.  And the older folks soon learned what a luxury I could be.  The errands they used to do were now completely absorbed by yours truly.  

Take, for instance, my mother.  Once she went back to work at night, she had little time or interest to do the daily food shopping.  Nope, now she had me.

We had a variety of stores within walking distance where you picked up the daily essentials.  For my folks, that was easy.  In her amazingly pretty penmanship, she'd write down the stuff I needed to purchase "around the corner."  Those two food establishments were Gene's Grocery Store and Charlie's Deli.  The latter was a favorite of mine as it also kept up the widest assortment of Hostess and Drake's cakes for that much-needed after-school calorie infusion.  But, I still had to do the shopping for the parental units.

Since Gene was also a butcher, any fresh meat had to be purchased there.  But the window of fresh meat didn't extend beyond one single item.

"Two pounds of chuck chopped."

Hamburger meat.  

If we needed any meat beyond that, the errand took me a bit further.  To 241st Street and White Plains Road where there was the Quick Way meat market.  My mom's lifelong friend Rose worked in this place and would take my mother's shopping list from my hand to make the selections.  As much responsibility as I was being accorded, this youngster was still not up to picking out the best cut of London broil.

Back to Gene's emporium, the other items I was usually sent to this store for were canned and frozen vegetables, breads, and Menner's Spanish Rice.  Never heard of the latter?  It came in a can and, back then, the only way I would eat hot dogs.  They had to be mixed in with this glop.  A taste I can still remember and, almost mystically, still crave from time to time.

All the other staples had to be purchased at Charlie's.  He was a good guy and German, to boot.  More importantly, he had a very loose criterion for what a ten-year-old could purchase.  Because, invariably, Mom's shopping list included the following:

"Two packs of Kent cigarettes."

And....

"A six pack of Schaefer Beer."

Gene balked at letting me buy the latter.  Charlie, however, didn't give a shit.

So, laden down with grocery bags which always seemed to be slipping through my arms, I trudge back from Charlie's with one last parental request ringing in my ears.

"Don't shake the beer cans."

As I got a little older, I was soon entrusted to another errand.  Picking up the dry cleaning from One Hour Martinizing just over the Bronx line.  It always prompted me to ask the perennial question.  Just what is "martinizing?"  I'd always get the same answer.

"You ask too many stupid questions."

I'd double up on these treks and usually pick up the dry cleaning and the groceries at the same time.  Juggling became even harder.  And, again, I would hear the voice in my head.

"Don't drop the clean clothes.  And...don't shake the beer cans."

Another stop on the "Len works for you" tour was Bob's Candy Store also around the corner.  This was one of those lunch counter places where soda was served in paper cones that fit into plastic holders.  I'd have to pick up Dad's newspaper there as well as Mom's required monthly reading.  "TV/Radio Mirror" and "Photoplay" magazines.  I'd look at the headlines on these rags and wonder what all the fuzz was about.  Who cares about Liz and Dick?  Why is anybody concerned who was the father of Patty Duke's baby?  And does anybody really pay attention to why Liberace can't find Mrs. Right?  Luckily, this stop allowed me to take some of the change in my pocket and pick up the latest Archie or Superman comic books.  Before leaving Bob's, I had one more item on the list from Mom.

"Two packs of Kent cigarettes."

But didn't I just buy some smokes at Charlie's?

"Cigarettes don't go bad."

Oh.

Of course, my parents were not the only ones in the house who enjoyed the ease and convenience of Len's Errand Service.  There was another.

Grandma.

Food shopping was not an outsourced project in her world.  She did all the grocery purchasing she needed for the week every Thursday when she and Grandpa made their big drive to the A & P on Oak Street in Mount Vernon.  And they had beer delivered to the house every Wednesday morning when the beer guy drove his rickety truck down our block.

But, Grandma did pull me into two monthly errands and I would need to do them like clockwork on the last Thursday of every month.  Luckily, I could double up and get these done at the same time.

First was a stop at the County Trust Bank on Third Avenue in Mount Vernon.  Grandma's saving account was there.  Was I making a deposit?  No.  Was I making a withdrawal?  No.  My grandmother simply wanted her interest added to the bankbook.  I'd give it to the teller and she would have to get the account updated.  Grandma would contend that banks would steal your money if it wasn't clearly printed on your bankbook.  

Don't ask.

The next stop would be Ankerson's Drug Store on Fourth Avenue.  Oh, there were a lot of pharmacies that were closer to our house.  But, Ankerson's was the only one willing to order Grandma's favorite medicinal item.

White Cloverine Salve.  And, hell, they still make the gunk.  I just found it on Amazon.com.

It's supposed to be for cuts and burns.  Grandma used it for everything.   She might have even added it to her spaghetti sauce.  It certainly wouldn't have made it taste any worse.  But, back in the day, Ankerson's had to order the salve.  I asked the simple question one time.

Why don't you have them order a couple of boxes so you never run out, Grandma?

"You ask too many questions."

Did my grandfather ever send me on any errands?  Well, yes and no.  There would be those days where my grandmother, with dinner on the table at 430PM, would call up to me.

"The dinner is ready.  Your grandfather got lost.  Go find him."

That could only mean one thing.  I'd walk two blocks to what my grandmother called "the beer garden" or "the gin mall."  The place my grandfather could be found every afternoon from 3:30PM to 4:30PM.  Sometimes, his departure time would get a little fuzzy.  I'd bound into the saloon and my grandfather would almost always see me immediately.

"Alright, alright already.  I'm coming.  I just had one."

Such was my life essentially working for my family.  Sort of.

Dinner last night:  Sausage and peppers at Carlo's.

Classic Movie Trailer of the Month - March 2023

 The movie that launched so many careers is 40 years old this month.  Gulp.

Dinner last night:  Went to a Broadway show.  Nothing much.

Len's Juke Box of the Month - March 2023

Certainly they weren't hits on the Top 10.  But here's a song that is close to my heart.  When I wrote and produced a radio sitcom called "Diploma City on Fordham University's WFUV-FM a long while ago, I used two songs from one of my parents' vinyl albums as the opening and closing themes.   Notably, they are both the work of the late great Burt Bacharach.   Enjoy. 

Dinner last night:  Rigatoni at Gianna's in Yonkers.

Yay! I Finished Reading Another Book "Directed By James Burrows"

 

Written by James Burrows.   Just in case you didn't get the implication.

Well, the slowest reader in America finally wrapped up another book.   I only started it last December.  I'm not happy about that and I still have almost a 6-foot tall stacks of other tomes.   I sure do hope there's a reading lamp at the cemetary.

None of this is to say that the books I read are tough to get through.  Indeed, most of them are light and airy.  I just don't set time aside to do so, unless I'm on a plane.   And even then there are a lot more movie choices now available on American Airlines.

But I did at last wind up James Burrows' memoirs and it was well worth my time.  I think you have to be a fan of the multi-cam sitcom to understand a lot of this.   And if you don't know what a multi-cam sitcom is, it's a comedy show shot in front of a live audience.   Frankly, they're the only kind of sitcoms I will watch these days.   Except, right now, they don't exist.

Well, James Burrows is the king of that genre and certainly one can't argue with his resume.  From Mary Tyler Moore to Rhoda to Taxi to Cheers to Frasier to Will and Grace.   He has led them all to one extent or another.   And has the reputation for making shows classics.

Now, if you are looking for sleazy stories about Hollywood and TV, this is not the book for you.  Burrows lays out his career in the most linear and formal of fashions.   "I did this and then I did that and then I rested and then I did that."  If you're a fan of the genre, you will appreciate the professional detail and intel he provides.   And that would be me.

When I hung around the Murphy Brown set for a while a decade or two ago, the name "James Burrows" was often attached to the words "lucky" and "overrated." Perhaps there was a bit of envy there.  Or maybe those two words are viable. Regardless, for a sitcom geek, this was an easy read.

Just not a fast one.

Dinner last night:  Braised short ribs and pineapple fried rice at PF Chang's.

This Date in History - March 22

 

Happy birthday in Heaven, Stephen Sondheim.   A Broadway genius.  We miss you.

238:  GORDIAN I AND HIS SON GORDIAN II ARE PROCLAIMED ROMAN EMPERORS.

Having co-leaders of a country never works.

1508:  FERDINAND II OF ARAGON COMMISSIONS AMERIGO VESPUCCI CHIEF NAVIGATOR OF THE SPANISH EMPIRE.

Hopefully with an expense account.

1622:  JAMESTOWN MASSACRE - ALGONQUIAN INDIANS KILL 347 ENGLISH SETTLERS AROUND JAMESTOWN, VIRGINIA DURING THE SECOND ANGLO-POWHATAN WAR.

Powhatan sounds like a perfect name for a future Indian casino.

1630:  THE MASSACHUSETTS BAY COLONY OUTLAWS THE POSSESSION OF CARDS, DICE, AND GAMING TABLES.

So there goes the casino idea.

1638:  ANNE HUTCHINSON IS EXPELLED FROM MASSACHUSETTS BAY COLONY FOR RELIGIOUS DISSENT.

Meanwhile, her Westchester County parkway is one of the worst roads to drive in the nation.

1765:  THE BRITISH PARLIAMENT PASSES THE STAMP ACT THAT INTRODUCES A TAX TO BE LEVIED DIRECTLY ON ITS AMERICAN COLONIES.

And we've been nailed ever since.

1784:  THE EMERALD BUDDHA IS MOVED WITH GREAT CEREMONY TO ITS CURRENT LOCATION IN THAILAND.

I've got a take-out menu for Emerald Buddha somewhere in this house.

1871:  IN NORTH CAROLINA, WILLIAM WOODS HOLDEN BECOMES THE FIRST GOVERNOR OF A US STATE TO BE REMOVED FROM OFFICE BY IMPEACHMENT.

I'm surprised there haven't been thousands of politicians facing impeachment.

1872:  IILINOIS BECOMES THE FIRST STATE TO REQUIRE GENDER EQUALITY IN EMPLOYMENT.   

Before they could vote?

1887:  ACTOR CHICO MARX IS BORN.

Get-a your tootsie frootsie ice cream.

1888:  MY GRANDFATHER WAS BORN.

Oddly enough, he died on March 23...the very next day...78 years later.

1894:  THE FIRST PLAYOFF GAME FOR THE STANLEY CUP STARTS.

Even then, the playoffs were too long.

1912:  ACTOR KARL MALDEN IS BORN.

American Express Card Member Number 1.

1920:  ACTOR WERNER KLEMPERER IS BORN.

Hogan!

1930:  COMPOSER STEPHEN SONDHEIM IS BORN.

Merrily He Comes Along.

1931:  ACTOR WILLIAM SHATNER IS BORN.

I use the word "actor" loosely.

1939:  WORLD WAR II - GERMANY TAKES MEMEL FROM LITHUANIA.

Germany took everything in those days.

1945:  THE ARAB LEAGUE IS FOUNDED WHEN A CHARTER IS ADOPTED IN CAIRO, EGYPT.

This league featured a DT....Designated Terrorist.

1958:  FILM PRODUCER MIKE TODD DIES IN A PLANE CRASH.

Married Liz Taylor, won an Oscar, and then died.   Life ain't fair.

1960:  ARTHUR LEONARD SCHAWLOW AND CHARLES HARD TOWNES RECEIVE THE FIRST PATENT FOR A LASER.

Just in case it ever comes up when you're a contestant on Jeopardy.

1972:  THE US CONGRESS SENDS THE EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT TO THE STATES FOR RATIFICATION.

See how long this shit takes to pass.

1978:  KARL WALLENDA OF THE FLYING WALLENDAS DIES AFTER FALLING OFF A TIGHTROPE BETWEEN TWO HOTELS IN PUERTO RICO.

Well, he said he would be right down.

1992:  US AIR FLIGHT 405 CRASHES SHORTLY AFTER TAKEOFF FROM NY'S LAGUARDIA AIRPORT, LEADING TO A NUMBER OF SUTDIES INTO THE EFFECT THAT ICE HAS ON AIRCRAFT.

Duh.

1993:  THE INTEL CORPORATION SHIPS THE FIRST PENTIUM CHIPS.

In Ranch and BBQ flavors.

1994:  ANIMATOR WALTER LANTZ DIES.

Woody Woodpecker weeps.

1995:  COSMONAUT VALERI POLYAKOV RETURNS TO EARTH AFTER SETTING A RECORD OF 438 DAYS IN SPACE.

He obviously had a lot of vacation time coming.

1997:  THE COMET HALE-BOPP HAS ITS CLOSEST APPROACH TO EARTH.

Slow news day...that March 22, 1997.

2013:  BASKETBALL STAR RAY WILLIAMS DIES.

From my home town of Mount Vernon, New York.

2016:  ACTRESS RITA GAM DIES.

And I bet she had nice ones.

2020:  INDIA AND GREECE LOCK DOWN THEIR COUNTRIES AS A RESULT OF COVID-19.

America, your day is coming.

Dinner last night:  Roast beef and German potato salad in the NY abode.

Oh, Yes, I Did

 

It's that rare day when I will fall for a movie gimmick.  And what would be more of a come-on than a horror movie about a big bear stoned on cocaine?   And "inspired by true events" to boot, even though I don't remember seeing this on the nightly news.

But when reviews cite how much fun this tale is, you sometimes have to bite the bullet.  And I'm looking at a cast list that includes names like Keri Russell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Margo Martindale, and in his final screen appearance one Ray Liotta.  Plus the director is Elizabeth Banks?!

Hmmm.  Like Tom Cruise in "Risky Business," sometimes you just have to say WTF  So you grab your most frivolous best friend and look for a movie night of complete giddiness.

And we were not disappointed.  A drugged-up bear versus a bunch of hillbillies and drug dealers?   Who's going to argue?   Stylishly presented and just plain fun, this movie is almost like the never-realized fifth season of "Ozark."  There are a few comedic set pieces that will have you rolling in the aisles.  For instance, two EMT schmucks answer the 911 call of a forest ranger at her station.  Except they don't know what the call is for. 

Try not to giggle as that unfolds.  It's five minutes of slapstick mayhem not to be missed.

Of course, there is a bittersweet moment when you realize that Ray Liotta's very last scene in a movie will be from the inside of a grizzly's stomach.  But he does get cited in the closing credits and hats off to a marvelous career.

And another hat tip to the people who made a movie without a message and simply wanted to entertain you.  

Maybe there will be "Cocaine Bear 2."

LEN'S RATING:  Three stars.

Dinner last night:  Chicken noodle soup.

Monday Morning Video Laugh - March 20, 2023

Saluting 16 years of video laughs in this anniversary.   This one never gets old.  Hiccup.

Dinner last night:  Ribeye steak.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - How and Why This Blog Started

 

As I entered Year 17 of this blog last Tuesday, I remembered a past anniversary and how I celebrated this occasion in the past.   One year a long while back, I decided to pretend that I was being interviewed by James Lipton of "Actor's Studio" fame.  When I wrote it originally, he was still alive.   Today, in 2023, not so much.   But it's worth the replay button nonetheless.

Ah, the memories.  Ladies and gentlemen, here's James Lipton.

Lipton:  Thanks, Len.  I'm excited to be here on the occasion of the anniversary of your terrific blog, Len Speaks.

Me:  Thanks, Jim.  Or James.  What do I call you?

Lipton:  I prefer Mr. Lipton.

Me:  Whatever.

Lipton:  So, let's go back to the beginning.  March 15, 2007.  The very first entry on Len Speaks.  How did this all start for you?

Me:  Well, er, Mr. Lipton, I basically wanted to give myself a regular writing exercise.  Some people hit the treadmill to get in shape.  A writer writes to do the same thing.  I had seen some other blogs and I said, "gee, I should try this."  You can now flip your index card for the next question.

Lipton: What or who specifically inspired you to start Len Speaks?

Me: Well, comedy writer and now-baseball announcer Ken Levine had a terrific one that I had been reading on a daily basis. At the time, he was focusing a lot on American Idol and his recaps of that show were hilarious. As I was watching that show as well, I thought it would be fun to crack wise on my own. Of course, I never really did focus on Idol. These days, nobody watches or cares about Idol, so we’ve all had to move on. But, Ken’s Idol rants were the real impetus for me. Oddly enough, when I met Ken two years ago, he read my blog right in front of me. That was a bit unnerving. Sort of like what happened when my mom unexpectedly walked into my bedroom when I was 14.

Lipton: And what was that, pray tell?

Me: Go to your next index card, Jimmy. I mean, Mr. Lipton.

Lipton: So you write every single day?

Me: Like a true writer, I found a way around that. Truth be told, I do a lot of daily pieces in advance. Most of the upcoming week is planned out and written the weekend before. When I decided to do something every single day with regular features, I really needed to map out the blog in advance. Of course, I also learned how to cheat on the “writing every day” bit. Two of the days every week are devoted to videos and God bless “You Tube.” And, most Fridays are compilations of funny pictures with captions. Heck, it does take time to lay those out but they certainly go a lot quicker than the full-blown essays I usually do on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Lipton:  But you have a new posting every single morning?

Me:  Yeppers.   I frequently post them the night before.  Blogger.com lets you set up an advance time.  I tell my friends who read daily that, if you don't see a new posting by 12 Noon Pacific time, please send the paramedics to my home address.  Or SWAT.  That actually works.  About a year ago, I posted something with a wrong date.  Friends went on-line, saw nothing new, and then hit the internet to find out if I was dead.

Lipton:  But you also tell us what you had for dinner the night before?  You don't know that in advance, do you?

Me:  Yes, I actively have to load that every single day.

Lipton:  What's the reason behind that feature?

Me:  Well, I originally started that to let friends back East know that I was eating decently.  Of course, I now have such a database of past dinners I should go back and try to find what percentage of my meals over five years included sausage.

Lipton:  A favorite of yours, I understand.  

Me:  You sure do have a cracker jack research staff.

Lipton:  Your blog once had a counter at the bottom of the page.  Can you see all the hits you get?

Me:  Yes, and they're from all over the world.  Somebody from India is on regularly, so I'm guessing Len Speaks is really popular amongst the tech staff for Dell Computers.  I did worry a bit when, for about three days, there was somebody checking from the server "whitehouse.gov."  I am thinking there will be a tax audit some time in the next two years.

Lipton:  The picture on top of your blog never changes.  Why is that?

Me:  That photo is probably one of only three snapshots ever taken of me that I actually like.  Sitting at LA's Farmers Market with some nifty product placement for Coca-Cola.  I've been asked to vary the picture and I have given some thought to using the other two decent photos I have.  But, about 13 years ago, the dear friend, who was on the other end of the camera lens that day, passed away.  Nope, I'm never changing it now.  My tribute to her.  And it's only the profile picture I use on Facebook as well.  

Lipton:  Tell me please.  Who were Saul and Heshe?

Me:  They were imaginary characters I used to do commentary every year around the Oscars and the Emmys.  Go into any Jewish deli in Beverly Hills from the hours of 10AM to 2PM and you will find guys like them.  Old, grizzled Hollywood veterans kvetching about anybody born after 1985.  I get lots of positives from readers when I use them and I'm asked to feature them more.  But when award shows became irrelevant, I let them drift away.   I assume they're both in the Jewish cemetery off the 405 in Culver City.

Lipton:  Far and away, your most popular daily feature is your "Sunday Memory Drawer."

AUDIENCE APPLAUSE.

Me:  Thank you very much.  It's definitely the most popular and I also post it weekly on Facebook as well.

Lipton:  Tell me how that started.

Me:  Well, I wanted to do something that was sort of like a feature you might read leisurely in the Sunday newspapers.  I thought of Sunday afternoons when I was a kid.  I'd go downstairs to my grandmother's living room and, all of a sudden, she would tell me some disjointed story from her life.  I started to write the same way.  And, after the first four years of doing them, I had essentially composed my memoirs in this forum.  And friends tell me it's a great outline for a movie.

Lipton:  You seem to have an infinite supply of memories.

Me:  Er, not so much.  Grandma's a big focus and, unfortunately, she died in 1982 and she stopped doing funny stuff around the same time.  I had a pretty unsettling experience that made me think that my memory drawer does have a bottom.  Around my birthday in February, I told a tale about having a birthday party when I was five or so.  There was a children's game and I cheated to win a set of Colorforms.

Lipton:  I saw that in my research.  Very funny.

Me:  Uh huh.   The Sunday Memory Drawer is now virtually a repeat every Sunday.  Unfortunately, my grandmother's been dead for years and the memory drawer is not as full as it used to be.  

Lipton:  Now comes the time where I refer to famed interviewer Bernard Pivot and his questionnaire as immortalized in L'Apostrophe.  Len,
what is your favorite word?

Me:  Anything that starts with a "K."  That's comedy.

Lipton:  What is your least favorite word?

Me:  Ruttabega.  It's a vegetable that nobody knows how to spell correctly.

Lipton:  What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Me:  The sound of a friend's laughter.

Lipton:  What turns you off?

Me:  The sound of a friend crying.  I wonder what I did.

Lipton:  What is your favorite curse word?

Me:  It's a tie.  Fuck is always terrific.  But shit also works.  And it happens.  Two days ago, my toilet was clogged and I was working it with a plunger.  It was really messed up and I said "shit."  I immediately followed that with "exactly."

Lipton:  What sound or noise do you love?

Me:  Well, that day, it was the sound of the water finally flowing into the sewer.

Lipton:  What sound or noise do you hate?

Me:  Clanging garbage cans.

Lipton:  What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Me:  Airplane pilot.  Just once.  And I hope John Denver didn't say the same thing on this show.

Lipton:  What profession would you not like to do?

Me:  Waiting on tables.  Those people get tons of grief from customers.

Lipton:  Finally, if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Me:  Guess what?  Baseball season opens in Heaven every April, too.

Dinner last night:  Pizza at La Piazza.

Classic TV Theme of the Month - March 2023

Every Friday night sixty years, I bet people would tune into this show just to hear the music and then turn it off.   A classic.

Dinner last night:  Leftover lasagna from my freezer.

Your Weekend Movie Guide for March 2023

 

Well, back in 1972, somebody was trying to make the most box office of "West Side Story" getting 10 Oscars.   These days, awards just mean your movie gets to stay on a streaming service longer.  Hmmm.  Which one of last Sunday night's Oscar winners will be remembered in ten years.   Or even one year?

You know the monthly drill, folks.  I'll drift through the movie pages to give you my gut reaction to what's polluting our cinemas these days.   Any future Oscar nominees?  Ha.

Super Mario Brothers:   Hello, 1982.

Scream VI:   Scream movies are like Nancy Pelosi.   They never really go away.

Creed III:   That sound of a cash register you hear is Sylvester Stallone selling out his reputation.

Champions: A bunch of loser kids play basketball as coached by Woody Harrelson.   Any plugs for his cannabis store?

65:  Used to be the retirement age.

Ant-Man and the Wasp - Quantumania:   See it?   I can barely pronounce it.

Cocaine Bear:  Blog review to come.  Yes, I did.

Demon Slayer - Kimetsu No Yaiba:  Anybody?

Jesus Revolution:  Long overdue in this country.

Shazam! Fury of the Gods:  Starring Jim Nabors?

A Snowy Day in Oakland:   Um, they don't like anything white up there.

All the World is Sleeping:  Pretty much.

Inside: Sequel to the movie "Outside."

Moving On:  Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin seem to refuse to work with anybody else.

Pinball - The Man Who Saved the Game:  Tilt.

Supercell:  Tornadoes and all sort of other weather.  Starring Anne Heche before she died and Alec Baldwin before he shot somebody.

Dinner last night:  Beef and broccoli.

The Quiet Movie

 

These days, movies are loud and noisy.  One explosion after another.   And that's why you should welcome films like "The Quiet Girl"  from writer/director Colm Bairead.   Its soft tone and relatively compact running time (95 minutes) are a relief compared to the bloated crap we get from Marvel and the like.  Indeed, "The Quiet Girl" was nominated for Best International Feature and lost primarily because it doesn't hit you over the head with some political message.   It is a story about people and nothing more.

Set in Ireland 1981 and complete with a script in Gaelic,  "The Quiet Girl" introduces us to 9-year-old Cait, the odd child in a dingy farm family---the Irish version of white trash.   Because she is a kid of few words, Cait doesn't connect with either her parents or her two sisters.  Mom is expecting a fourth child and, since Cait is essentially in the way with her quietness, she is sent to live with a distant dairy-farming cousin and wife for the summer.

Naturally, they have their own secrets, issues and challenges getting Cait to open up to them.  You watch as small connections are made here and there and, for Cait, a true family bond finally emerges.  There are some spoilers I won't give away that make the road rocky for them.   At the same time, their lives peel away like onions one layer at a time.  It is refreshing to see real people deal with real personal issues.  Go figure.

Moreover, Catherine Clinch is an astonishment as Cait.  True, she has very little dialogue to remember.  But, at the same time, she acts and reacts through the use of body language and it is marvelous.

I always say that the mark of a good motion picture is one that prompts discussion after you leave the theater.   And there are some elements at the conclusion that are open-ended and ideal fodder for the car ride home.  Indeed, it almost sets up "The Quiet Girl" for a sequel.  But that's what every other crappy movie at the multiplex does.

Trust me.  "The Quiet Girl" is not like every other movie.

LEN'S RATING:  Four stars.

Dinner last night:  Taylor Hamburger.

This Date in History - March 15

 

Beware the Ides of March.   A tough day to be a leader of a foreign country.   This is Julius Caesar.   Or somebody playing him.   I don't think Caesar really looked like a comic playing Vegas.  There's enough reason to celebrate this day. Read on.

44 BC:  JULIUS CAESAR IS STABBED TO DEATH BY MARCUS BRUTUS AND SEVERAL OTHER SENATORS.

He died without even tasting his salad creation.

220:  CAO CAO OF THE HAN DYNASTY PASSES AWAY.

Well, at least, nobody stabbed him.

280:  SUN HAO OF EASTERN WU SURRENDERS TO SUMA YAN WHICH BEGAN THE JIN DYNASTY.

Another day where I wasn't paying attention in World History class.

493:  ODOACER, THE FIRST BARBARIAN KING OF ITALY, IS SLAIN BY THEODERIC THE GREAT, KING OF THE OSTROGOTHS, WHILE THE TWO KINGS WERE DINING TOGETHER.

Something on the table didn't agree with him.

856:  MICHAEL III, EMPEROR OF THE BYZANTINE EMPIRE, OVERTHROWS THE REGENCY OF HIS MOTHER EMPRESS THEODORA.

Again, this is no day to be king or queen.

1493:  CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS RETURNS TO SPAIN AFTER HIS FIRST TRIP TO THE AMERICAS.

"A nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there."

1783:  IN AN EMOTIONAL SPEECH AT NEWBURGH, NEW YORK, GEORGE WASHINGTON ASKS HIS OFFICERS NOT TO SUPPORT THE NEWBURGH CONSPIRACY.  THE PLEA IS SUCCESSFUL AND THE THREATENED COUP D'ETAT NEVER TAKES PLACE.

Coup D'Etat....French for "get him the fuck out of office."

1820:  MAINE BECOMES THE 23RD US STATE.

Lobsters for everybody!

1874:  FRANCE AND VIET NAM SIGN THE SECOND TREATY OF SAIGON.

France was smart when they got the hell out of there.

1875:  ARCHBISHOP OF NEW YORK JOHN MCCLOSKEY IS NAMED THE FIRST CARDINAL IN THE US.

Stan Musial was the second.

1906:  ROLLS ROYCE LIMITED IS INCORPORATED.

For those people with lots and lots and lots of money.

1913:  ACTOR MACDONALD CAREY IS BORN.

So begins the days of his life.

1916:  BANDLEADER HARRY JAMES IS BORN.

He married Betty Grable.  No dope.

1916:  US PRESIDENT WOODROW WILSON SENDS 4,800 UNITED STATES TROOPS OVER THE US-MEXICO BORDER TO PURSUE PANCHO VILLA.

Couldn't get such easy access if there was a wall there.

1921:  TALAAT PASHA, FORMER GRAND VIZIR OF THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE, IS ASSASSINATED IN BERLIN BY A YOUNG ARMENIAN.

One more time...it sucks to be a foreign leader on March 15.

1921:  "I LOVE LUCY" WRITER MADELYN PUGH IS BORN.

A brilliant writer, a nice lady, and a good friend.

1935:  ACTOR JUDD HIRSCH IS BORN.

Soon starting a new series called "Uber."

1935:  TV EVANGELIST JIMMY SWAGGART IS BORN.

God help us.

1939:  WORLD WAR II - GERMAN TROOPS OCCUPY THE REMAINING PART OF BOHEMIA AND MORAVIA.

Didn't Bob Hope and Bing Crosby make Road movies to both those places?

1952:  IN CILAOS, 73 INCHES OF RAIN FALLS IN A 24-HOUR PERIOD.

Storm watch!

1956:  MY FAIR LADY DEBUTS ON BROADWAY.

They couldn't have written a song "The Rain in Cilaos."  Doesn't rhyme.

1965:  US PRESIDENT LYNDON JOHNSON, RESPONDING TO THE SELMA CRISIS, TELLS THE US CONGRESS "WE SHALL OVERCOME."

Just in case you thought that phrase was coined by Richard Pryor.

1975:  ACTRESS EVA LONGORIA IS BORN.

A Desperate Housewife.

1975:  BUSINESSMAN ARISTOTLE ONASSIS DIES.

He just missed Eva Longoria.

1985:  THE FIRST INTERNET DOMAIN NAME IS REGISTERED.

It's for symbolics.com.   Whatever the hell that is.

1990:  MIKHAIL GORBACHEV IS ELECTED AS THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE SOVIET UNION.

Da.

2001:   ACTRESS ANN SOTHERN DIES.

Private Secretary.

2007:  BASEBALL COMMISSIONER BOWIE KUHN DIES.

Who names their kid "Bowie?"

2007:  THE POPULAR BLOG "LEN SPEAKS" IS PUBLISHED FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Years later, I have yet to be paid for any of this.

2014:  COMIC DAVID BRENNER DIES.

With that nose, I wonder if they were ever able to close the casket.

Dinner last night:  Leftover beef chili.