Years and years later, the coin has flipped. Now it's almost impossible for a non-diverse person to win any kind of award when Hollywood is involved. Self-conscious to a fault. And I am guessing we will see a lot more of that at Sunday's Oscar ceremonies where we will also be subjected to the "comedy" of that scumbag Jimmy Kimmel.
Nevertheless, here comes another one of my blog traditions. My trusted winning picks this Sunday, guaranteed for your victory in the office pool. Which I assume is on-line. If you even have an office at all.
Here is Part 1 of Len's good guesses at reading the Tinseltown tea leaves. Today, we'll cover all the awards nobody cares about.
BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT: Again nobody cares. To guess who wins a lot of these similar categories, look for the names on IMDB that can't be pronounced. Or whatever is the cause celebre of the week. Or, in this case, look to throw a bone to Disney who originally screened the winner...LE PUPILLE.
BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT: See above. In this case, how about a nod to somebody from India. There's a short about an Indian couple who adopt an orphaned baby elephant. The winner is THE ELEPHANT WHISPERS.
BEST ANIMATED SHORT: Crap, I don't see Bugs Bunny or Popeye on the list. While I would love to see somebody announce that "My Years of Dicks" is the winner, the Oscar will go to THE BOY, THE MOLE, THE FOX, AND THE HORSE. Even barnyard animals need to be all inclusive.
BEST INTERNATIONAL FILM: When a movie gets nominated in this category as well as for Best Picture, you know it's got to win one of them. Plus it's a remake of a anti=war message. The winner will be ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT.
BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: This is easy. There's one about poisoning of a Russian opposition leader. We need at least one acceptance speech to talk about Putin and the Ukraine. The winner will be NAVALNY.
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE: I'm always suspect whenever a director is so pretentious that he adds his name to the title of the movie. And, for some reason I can't explain, Hollywood loves everything this fat slob does. The winner will be GUILLERMO DE TORO'S PINOCCHIO.
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS: Because Hollywood also loves all these stupid blue creatures, the winner will be AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER.
BEST SOUND: One movie deserves at least one Oscar for bringing people to the cineplexes. The winner will be TOP GUN: MAVERICK.
BEST SONG: I literally had to look up the nominees because I haven't remembered a winner in this category since "Chim Chim Cheree." Meanwhile, the buzz is on some some song from a movie I never heard. "RRR?" Anybody? The song winner will be "NAATU NAATU." Isn't that what Mork used to say to Orson?
BEST SCORE: Finally, something I saw. There was great jazz music in this film by the folks from 'LaLa Land." The winner will be BABYLON.
BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN: At three hours, the film was super-bloated. At the same time, there was always something interesting to look at. The winner will be BABYLON.
BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING: He really, really, really look like Presley. The winner is ELVIS.
BEST FILM EDITING: I automatically would disqualify any film over two-and-a-half hours long. But there is one movie here that is nothing but an editing job with millions of quick cuts. The winner is EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE.
BEST COSTUME DESIGN: All the clothes really, really, really looked like it came from Presley's closet. The winner is ELVIS.
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY: I hear it is stark and grim. Perfect for the clowns making films these days. The winner is ALL QUIET ON THE WESTERN FRONT.
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: A movie I saw is nominated. It was incomprehensible, disgusting, and utterly detestable. The critics loved it. So it's got to win something. The ridiculous winner will be THE BANSHEES OF INISHERIN.
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: The title apparently doesn't like. This film is apparently a word explosion. The winner will be WOMEN TALKING.
Come on back tomorrow and we'll finish up your ballot.
Dinner last night: Salad.
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