Monday Morning Video Laugh - August 14, 2023

Summer and idiots never get old. 

Dinner last night: Ribeye steak and mushrooms.

The Sunday Memory Drawer - Lunching with Greatness

It's amazing what triggers memories.  I was flipping the dials and invariably fell onto Turner Classic Movies as one would expect.   The image on the screen stirred me.

I had lunch with that person.  If you've heard the story before, bear with me.  Others have not.  And it bears telling again.

There is something very mystical about how I find myself hooking up with stars that my parents probably saw on the silver screen at the Wakefield Theater in the Bronx. Well, here’s how this one starts. One summer week in LA, I am scheduled to have lunch with a good friend who is an actress/stand-up comic. She has worked on a variety of our projects. But she calls to tell me that she needs to juggle her lunch schedule as she is overbooked on the day we are scheduled.

Let me back up. This particular friend has an even more magical way of connecting to Hollywood legends. The neighbors in her apartment building, at one time, included the lone surviving Nicholas Brother (at the time) as well as Glenn Miller’s band singer. And it is through the latter connection that my friend had lunch scheduled with a certain somebody and that conflicted with the lunch she had scheduled with me. I willingly beg off and agree to another date for lunch.

But I later mentioned to my writing partner that my lunch was postponed because our actress friend was booked for lunch with this certain somebody. Innocently, he asked why I didn’t suggest that the lunches be combined so I could, too, break bread with that certain somebody.

Bang! I could have had a V-8.

The next day, when I related what my partner had suggested to my friend as a joke, I didn’t expect the response I got.

“Why didn’t I think about that? Besides, you have A/C in your car and I don’t.”

Huh?

But, who was I to quibble if a standard option on my car suddenly became a valued calling card?

My actress friend immediately called this certain somebody and said, “I’m bringing a friend. And he's got air conditioning in the car.”

And I suppose I have a fully loaded Toyota 4-Runner to thank because that's how I wound up having lunch with JANE RUSSELL.

Yes, Jane Russell.

It was an absolute hoot. She had held up very nicely for her age (83 at the time). Except she can’t see and she subsequently asked me to read the entire menu to her. I did so with all the aplomb of the best waiter.

"And then, Miss Russell, there is a sauteed chicken breast with a delicate white wine sauce and capers on the side."

Jane brightened. "I love capers!"

And talk about name dropping. Marilyn…….as in Monroe. Howard……as in Hughes. Shelley…as in Winters. Being the ultimate gentleman (or patsy), I paid for lunch. She was so impressed.

“Look at you. Getting stuck picking up the check for a couple of old broads!”

On the way home, she even showed us where Bob Hope lived. Knowing that my writing partner would be disappointed that he wasn’t there----and that I forgot to ask Jane to autograph one of those bras for him, I casually suggested she come over for a home cooked meal the next time she was in town. Imagine my surprise when she answered.

"Sure. When?”

It sadly never happened.  And I had bought a new jar of capers and everything.

Dinner last night:  Pasta and meatballs.

Classic Newsreel of the Month - August 2023

Two surprises here.  One...there were still newsreels in 1966.  And, two...I didn't know Universal produced any.

Dinner last night:  BLT from Clementine's.

Summer Photos Your Phone Missed

 

Take your child on an amusement park ride and suddenly she's starring in "The Exorcist Part 4."

Cooking instructions:  Take one child.  Wrap in tin foil.  Bake at 350 degrees till crisp.

The annual meeting of the Clint Howard Fan Club.

What happens when Mom fogets to fill those Christmas stockings.

"Here, use this."

Johnny's favorite piece of the birthday cake is the breast.

What happens when you don't pay attention to the cooking instructions I listed above.

"Here comes Grandma.  And, er, there goes Grandma."

Reminds me of what my own grandmother would say when she caught me doing this.

"Are you digging for gold?"

The acorn really fell far from the family tree.

Dinner last night:  Scrambled eggs with Taylor ham and cheddar cheese.

The Greatest Mystery This Summer

 

...is why the hell is this mess of a movie getting all the attention...and box office...that it is?  I'm completely mystified.   And I was interested enough to find out what all the talk was about.

Still mystified.   

Oh, it's fun to look at, especially if you like the color pink.  But, at the heart of this film from director-writer Greta Gerwig, is a message,  And what should be entertaining turns out to be a meat tenderized continually pounding your forehead.

All the ingredients of a complete waste of time.

So, in Barbieland, everybody is named Barbie and Ken with perfect looks and vapid personalities.  But, somebody is messing with the formula and allows Ken and the other men to become the rulers and patriarchs.  You see, women are downtrodden and men are evil.  Suddenly, you begin to wonder if the screenplay was written by Rachel Maddown.

There is nothing worse than a movie that screams "look at me, I'm clever" when it actually isn't.  I had friends who raved to me how funny this movie was.   I laughed out loud three times.  I now have fewer friends on my Christmas card list.   

Still completely mystified at what they were watching.  And what I actually saw.  

Could it be that humor and satire has become so dumbed down that all of our comedic filters no longer work?   Given the ecstatic reviews "Barbie" got, I wonder if our overall perception of a good movie is gone.   Is this a lingering side effect of COVID?  Are too many people listening to what Joy Behar has to say?

Personally, I could have made a much funnier movie here.   I mean, the comedie possibilities of GI-Joe on a weekend bender finding Barbie on Tinder are too many to imagine.   That's where I would have taken this film.  

But, no.  In 2023, you need a message.  And be damned if you don't have one.

Yep, still completely mystified.

LEN'S RATING:  No stars.

Dinner last night:   Proscuitto and peach sandwich from Mendocino Farms.

This Date in History - August 9

 

A very busy day in history.   You'll see what I mean.  But, let's start off with a birthday greeting to Anna Kendrick, who's cute and can sing and can act and even has a pretty funny Twitter page.

48 BC:  JULIUS CAESAR DEFEATS POMPEY AT PHARSALUS AND POMPEY FLEES TO EGYPT.

Caesar's always enjoying himself unless, of course, it's March.

1173:  CONSTRUCTION OF THE CATHEDRAL OF PISA BEGINS.  IT IS NOW KNOWN AS THE LEANING TOWER OF PISA.

Who the hell were the workmen on this project?  Moe, Larry, and Curly?

1500:  OTTOMAN-VENETIAN WAR CONTINUES IN MESSENIA.

So, it's footstools versus window blinds?

1810:  NAPOLEON ANNEXES WESTPHALIA AS PART OF THE FIRST FRENCH EMPIRE.

Any word on Eastphalia?

1842:  THE WEBSTER-ASHBURTON TREATY IS SIGNED, ESTABLISHING THE US-CANADA BORDER EAST OF THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS.

No wall needed.

1854:  HENRY DAVID THOREAU PUBLISHES WALDEN.

A high school requirement.

1877:  A SMALL BAND OF NEZ PERCE INDIANS CLASH WITH THE US ARMY.

How soon before they are running their own casino?

1892:  THOMAS EDISON RECEIVES A PATENT FOR A TWO-WAY TELEGRAPH.

Dot---dot---dash---dash---dot.

1896:  GLIDER PIONEER OTTO LILIENTHAL HAS A FATAL CRASH.

Paper planes kill.

1899:  AUTHOR P.L. TRAVERS IS BORN.

The author of "Mary Poppins."

1902:  EDWARD VII AND ALEXANDRA OF DENMARK ARE CROWNED KING AND QUEEN OF THE UNITED KINGDOM OF GREAT BRITAIN AND IRELAND.

How the hell did Alexandra manage this?  Greedy little skank.

1927:  ACTOR ROBERT SHAW IS BORN.

We're going to need a bigger cradle.

1930:  BETTY BOOP MAKES HER CARTOON DEBUT.

Boop, boop a doop.

1936:  SUMMER OLYMPIC GAMES - JESSE OWENS WINS HIS FOURTH GOLD MEDAL OF THE GAME.

You'd run fast too if you were in Nazi Germany.

1942:  BASEBALL STAR TOMMIE AGEE IS BORN.

Shamsky with Agee...he dives...and makes the catch.

1942:  INDIAN LEADER MAHATMA GANDHI IS ARRESTED IN BOMBAY BY BRITISH FORCES.

Gee, this might make a boring movie some day.

1944:  THE US FOREST SERVICE RELEASES POSTERS FEATURING SMOKEY THE BEAR FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Only you...

1945:  WORLD WAR II - NAGASAKI IS DEVASTATED WHEN US PLANES DROP AN ATOMIC BOMB ON THE CITY.

Somebody's gonna have to clean that up.

1963:  SINGER WHITNEY HOUSTON IS BORN.

Wonder when nurses gave her the first bath.

1963:  PATRICK BOUVIER KENNEDY DIES.

The Kennedy child nobody remembers...because he died.

1969:  CHARLES MANSON AND HIS FAMILY KILL PREGNANT ACTRESS SHARON TATE AND OTHERS AT HER HOME.

I actually know somebody who remembers hearing the screams that night.

1974:  RICHARD NIXON BECOMES THE FIRST PRESIDENT OF THE US TO RESIGN FROM OFFICE.  VP GERALD FORD BECOMES PRESIDENT.

I told you this was a big day in history.

1979:  DODGER OWNER WALTER O'MALLEY DIES.

And Brooklyn dances.

1985:  ACTRESS ANNA KENDRICK IS BORN.

I still think she's cute.

1995:  MUSICIAN JERRY GARCIA DIES.

Grateful.   Dead.

1999:  RUSSIAN PRESIDENT BORIS YELTSIN FIRES HIS ENTIRE CABINET.

Kind of Trump-like.

2008:  COMIC BERNIE MAC DIES.

Hold the fries.

2014:  ACTOR ED NELSON DIES.

Dr. Michael Rossi of TV's "Peyton Place."

2014:  MICHAEL BROWN, AN 18-YEAR-OLD BLACK MALE, IS SHOT AND KILLED BY A FERGUSON, MISSOURI POLICE OFFICER AFTER ALLEGEDLY ASSAULTING THE OFFICER.

There goes the neighborhood.  In flames.

2015:  FOOTBALL STAR FRANK GIFFORD DIES.

Years ago, Johnny Carson caught him in bed with his wife.   Hi ho.

Dinner last night:  Hamburger.

The Ups and Downs of the Hollywood Bowl

 

Ups and downs.  Yin and yang.  Sweet and sour.  Whatever.  Those combinations, for me, spell out a Hollywood Bowl season.   

Now, for instance, last week brought us a marvelous and understated tribute to Stephen Sondheim with high level Broadway performers.  You read about it here and, for me, a very high bar was raised for other Bowl nights to top.

A week later, there was this Walt Disney Animation concert in celebration of the studio's 100th birthday.   And, as far as I was concerned, the Sondheim bar still remains aloft.   Indeed, this Disney concert was a bit like the Main Street Electrical Parade during a blackout.

Oh, don't get me wrong.  It was reasonably entertaining on a nice summer's evening.  The star caliber of the performers (none of which I ever heard of) were somewhere between Disney on Broadway and assorted Disney cruises.  Serviceable was the best word I could describe them all.

I had high hopes since the great LA Phil conductor Thomas Wilkins was hoisting the baton.  Sadly, he had little to say even during a moment where his movie click track stopped working.  Instead, we had those others participating in exercises of sheer vapidity.  Added to the frustration was a script that was cloying and worse than some of the banter you hear from Oscar presenters.

Meanwhile, these "hosts" were introduced by this pre-recorded voice that sounded suspiciously like the guy who tells you to keep your hands and legs inside the car on the Space Mountain ride.

Yes, this was programmed Disney entertainment at its best.  And worst.

Perhaps the biggest injustice was with content.  Allegedly saluting 100 years of Disney animation, the evening oddly focused on just the last 30 years with its dull succession of girl-oriented cartoon features that simply used the same story and just changed the ethnicity and race from film to film.  I didn't recognize 75 percent of the clips.

Save for a live orchestra scoring of the famed "Sorcerer's Apprentice" from "Fantasia," this evening barely gets two-and-a-half mouse ears.   As a palate cleaners, I came home and re-watched some of the Sondheim numbers on YouTube.   And relished again what was an up evening at the Hollywood Bowl.

Dinner last night:  Salad.